Anxiety and new kitten

KeshiaB · ‎09-02-2017

Hi all, I have a 12.5 week old kitten and one of the issues I'm facing is that he has to spend 10 hours a day alone whilst me and my partner are at work. On top of this my partner does not want him sleeping with us at night. Essentially he's alone 10 hours a day and then shut out of our room for 8 hours a night. This has got me feeling REALLY guilty and anxious as it's a long time for any creature to be left alone. I'm so worked up that I've had to miss work for the last 2 days as I started having panic attacks 😞 I saw my GP yesterday, he was little help and just told me to go back to the psychologist that I've been seeing for a few years. I can't see her until next Friday.

Getting another kitten isn't really an option at the moment (due to cost and the fact that we are going overseas in March) so I'm trying to do all I can to keep him happy. I've left a radio going, food and 2 bowls of water, lots of toys, a cat tree with scratching posts and platforms, the A/C going so he doesn't get hot and he also has a couple of options for beds. Despite all this I'm still incredibly nervous about him being a happy, healthy and well adjusted kitten. On top of all this he's scratched up our vinyl dining room chair so we've had to take them out of the room. I'm planning to pick up a second scratching post, some anti-scratch spray and also catnip spray for the post today. Will this help? I'm also going to get him a nice soft cuddly toy for him to cuddle up to. We've only had him 5 days and I feel silly for feeling this way but I don't know what else to do!

I'm sitting at work right now shaking and feeling really on edge. I feel like I could burst into tears any second. I'm almost feeling like I've made a big mistake adopting a kitten and keep doubting myself and my ability to give him all the love and care he needs 😞 Am I being silly in feeling this way and letting it eat away at me?

velvetfaerie · ‎10-02-2017

Hey Keshia,

You sound like one huge animal lover. One after my own heart. Animals are the best people

🙂

Sorry about the questions .....

Is there a specific reason why the kitten can't sleep / be in the room at night with you and your partner?

When you do have time to spend with the kitten do you play with and cuddle him ?

Cats, once older, are generally rather solitary beasts so in time he is likely to adjust.

Does he show any strange behaviours? Any signs of separation anxiety?

So far in my humble opinion you're doing the best you can. Toys, radio, beds... maybe a shirt with your scent on it..? (This can help comfort animals who display seperation anxiety signs).

Any questions let me know.

Chae.

To_be_FREE · ‎10-02-2017

Heya, I am an animal lover too 🙂

I really think you are doing fine. If you give kitty undivided attention every day when you are home and make sure his physical needs are met, it is ok. Cats are pretty independent creatures and tend not to get separation anxiety. To be honest - if you set up a camera to see what he gets up to all day he is probably having a ball playing,napping and eating 🙂

take care

Dee

Mystery_Belle · ‎11-02-2017

Hey Keisha,

Leaving kitties at home by themselves is awful the first few times. I've got two, and the first time i left them together was the hardest day! Pickles is a lot older and grumpier, and jack is a sook, so they're kind like the odd couple.

All i can say is spoil the kitty with toys, cuddles and games when you're there with him. A laser pointer, shoe lace and a treat ball will be your best investments. Playing for 5 minutes before bed will help him sleep through the night.

KeshiaB · ‎11-02-2017

My partner doesn't want him in our room at all at night. I spent last night with the kitten in the spare room and got about 3 hours sleep, despite playing with him for an hour before bed, and feeding him.

The kitten seems OK, just a typical mischievous kitten.

It's now been a week and I've barely slept, can't eat more than a few mouthfuls a day, I'm constantly shaking and tense and I've dropped about 3kg. I'm so emotional that I burst into tears at the drop of a hat and I have no energy to do simple housework.

I feel trapped and when I look at it kitten I feel resentful which makes me feel like the worst person on earth, so I start crying again. I don't know what to do. Everyone is telling me to get a second kitten to keep him company but I don't feel like I have the money or the strength to take on a second. My partner thinks we should push through and see if I feel better in a few weeks, I don't know how I'm going to cope with another day.

velvetfaerie · ‎11-02-2017

to be free and mystery belle .........

.........Have made some excellent points.

Are there other things on your mind maybe?

I hope you are ok. In my opinion you're doing the best you can. As a person well experienced (15 years) working in animal welfare, your kitty sounds well loved and cared for.

**hug**

Yora · ‎13-02-2017

Hi Keshia. I just wanted to say you are not alone! I got a new puppy (Border Collie) about a month ago and I've been feeling exactly the same way about leaving her at home alone when I'm at work and I've been quiet panicy about it. I've been doing much the same as you, leaving lots of food, water and toys and duck home to check on her in between jobs whenever possible and she's settled in fine! My kids and I play with her as much as possible when we're at home (it's hard not to she's so wonderful) we've had a few problems with her chewing things but that's what puppies do! I think you're doing a wonderful job with your kitten and things will get easier as she gets older. He/she is very lucky to have someone that cares so much. Best of luck!

KeshiaB · ‎13-02-2017

This morning he was scratching up our dining chairs within an hour of me spraying them with anti-scratch spray. I barely get any sleep and feel like I can't relax at all in my own house. I'm so emotional, over tired and stressed that I'm having trouble focusing at work and I'm starting to resent the kitten 😞

I tried turning to the shelter owner for advice, she suggested getting a second cat and/or a big multi level cat tree. I can't afford either right now. I told her that I'm really struggling and doubting myself, she said "well we can take him back into our care then". This made me feel like an absolute failure 😞 I don't want to give up on him but I'm so full of self doubt that I don't know what to do! I don't know what I want anymore other than a life free from anxiety!

Croix · ‎13-02-2017

Dear KeshiaB~

Ok I've read though what you have had to say, carefully. I'm someone that has/had PTSD, anxiety and depression, so I"m not in the same boat

That being said I think the kitten is a side-issue. I don't think getting a second one will change you. It is well looked after - frankly compared to many it is in cat heaven.

You are not! You say:

It's now been a week and I've barely slept, can't eat more than a few mouthfuls a day, I'm constantly shaking and tense and I've dropped about 3kg. I'm so emotional that I burst into tears at the drop of a hat and I have no energy to do simple housework.

I don't think you list any other events in your life that are causing you grief (have I missed any)?

When my depression and anxiety state was at its worst I said and thought similar things. So may I suggest you see your again GP and explain the situation in detail.Explain that, psychologist or not, things are not working.

I'd book a long appointment and write down everything at your leisure. Everything even if you are afraid or embarrassed. From when all was well until now. I say write down because at some stages I did not have confidence I could say everything, forgetting nothing. Share the paper in the consultation. See what happens.

If you find your current medical team is not giving you the relief you should be having then it may be time to seek another. One does not always get best-fit the first time.

One other thing I found was gold -the support of loved ones, do you have good family support?

Please write again and say how things are going

Croix

Starwolf · ‎13-02-2017

Hi Keisha,

Being a remedial trainer working mostly in rescue, I feel compelled to have a chat with you.

Reading through your thread, I can see 2 issues. One distressed animal lover and a kitten who will not grow into a well adjusted adult and will inevitably become a source of more stress later.

It is true that cats are independent but they need to exercise this independence. Something they cannot do if locked up and lacking stimulation. Kittens can be kept amused with toys. As they grow older, other /different entertainment is needed. If it is not provided, they will become destructive, disruptive and miserable.

I must be honest with you because I see the sad results of animal isolation on a daily basis. It is my job to pick up the pieces. I interact regularly with distressed owners at their wits end. You know deep inside that this kitten needs more than being locked up hour after hour, day after day. You are doing your very best to compensate for this but it is wearing you out and down. Obviously, it is not working out.

I feel you both deserve better than that. Perhaps the time has come to rehome this baby while he is still cute and attractive to potential new owners. Perhaps it is time to give yourself a break and feel proud of the fact you have done the best...for you both. This would be an act of courage, a wise decision. By no means a failure, just the opposite.

It is your living arrangements that are to blame, not you. Knowledge only comes with experience. Pet ownership is a steep learning curve. There's no way you could have known what you were in for before giving it a try. And you did a terrific job against the odds but it is taking its toll on your well being...and the kitten still requires a different lifestyle.

My heart goes out to you both. A difficult decision but once made...watch your stress levels plummet !

Here for you.