Anxiety and Depression - work realted

Squid69 · ‎27-02-2017

I have just signed up for Blue Voices, and have decided to share my story and experience, as I continue to struggle with my mental illness and I feel that becoming involved in Blue Voices may just assist others, as well as giving me another outlet to talk about my issues.I have been suffering from Depression and Anxiety for at least 15 years, however in late 2014 I suffered two breakdowns at work within a week and a half. This led to me having four months off work, and subsequently relocating my place of work in March 2015. I was diagnosed as having acute depression and anxiety, which was work related. I work as a Manager in the Banking industry and have been working for the same employer for over 30 years now. My employer went through two restructures which left less people to do more work. This is not unusual in this day and age in many industries. Within two months of the last restructure, and a long running battle trying to fight my way through how I was feeling and dealing with my issues, my body and mind gave up on me. I ended up curled up in the corner of an office, crying and sobbing uncontrollably for half and hour. When my Senior Manager found me, I was told to go for a walk and then meet him in a nearby coffee shop. At that meeting I cried continually still (embarrassing for a 45 year old male). I was given a week off work by my GP, returned to work, and on my third day back I collapsed again. The changes in our office led me to not be able to service my clients to their expectations, nor keep up with the large increase in workload. The feeling of not being able to do my job effectively made me feel like I was letting everybody else down, all the while displaying very obvious signs of not coping. However I chose to fight these feelings, telling myself I would get through this, it would get better, deep down knowing it would not. When my senior manager dropped me at home after my second collapse, he told me that I was simply not able to cope with the increased responsibility and expectations, which made me feel like I was a failure. Over the next three months I struggled to even leave the house. My wife took me out to the shops on weekend, however I couldn't handle being around people, and was very soon wanting to get home. I'm running out of space in this post, to cut a long story short, I am on strong medication. I speak to my medical professionals regularly. I am coping.However I feel that my industry doesn't know how to handle mental health.

TheSteve · ‎28-02-2017

Hi Squid,

Thanks for sharing mate. I am very sorry about what you've been through. Depression is brutal on us all in different ways. Certainly given your prior career success and being a middle aged male, the way this has happened to you has been a hard blow.

Likewise, I am a senior MD in the investment banking sector. Like your industry - high pressure, greater workload, more regulation, and so forth, make it harder each year to do the job. The one area I probably don't have your stress is in the bureaucracy - I work in a boutique which takes the micro managing and abusive higher-ups out of the picture. But I do understand where you are coming from.

The issue with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and ultimately break-downs, are that once they "happen" to us, the pure fear of them happening again can often be the trigger to keep the cycle going. My (personal) view is that it is a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. We experience something traumatic, it makes a huge impression on us, and therefore we relive it. By reliving it, it changes our behaviour, and once our behaviour changes it reinforces the thought --> feeling --> behaviour cycle and we are stuck in the vicious cycle until we can get out of it.

There is hope. Just like we experienced an event which brought upon this spiral of new (negative) thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, we can unlearn these/relearn new, healthier behaviours. We really need to take control and be willing to leave no stone unturned in our pursuit of health. In my view, there are many components to this:

1) We need a medical evaluation. Once cleared, we need to be referred to a behavioural therapist/counselor. A good one. The road starts here.

2) Learn mindfulness. We need to monitor our thoughts and feelings and see first-hand, without judgement, how they are dictating our lives. Pick up "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle for a start.

3) Healthy habits. Diet, exercise, vitamins, amino acids etc. Strictly no drinking/drugs/garbage food.

4) Laughter daily, and forcing ourselves to smile. Honestly, these both have amazing physical and mental impacts on us. Try it.

5) Support groups (family, friends, practitioners etc.) to ensure we stay on track and are not alone.

6) Acceptance of where we are, and acknowledgement that we can get it back on track.

7) Slowly working our way back into the work force via a low stress job.

I have run out of characters, but let's chat. Shoot me a note back.

Steve

Squid69 · ‎01-03-2017

Good morning Steve, thanks for your post. It makes a lot of sense and I certainly can relate to it.

I have made a number of changes in my lifestyle to try and help me deal with things, and also take my mind off what does cause my anxiety. Unfortunately the biggest cause, which is my job, I cannot change. The reason for that is purely financial, I need to keep a roof over the head of my family. I live in a large regional centre, and the opportunities for alternate employment simply aren't there like they can be in the city. This is a lifestyle choice as well to live where I live, and such choices I have to deal with.

I have a very good GP who I see regularly (6-8 weekly). I have acupuncture for the anxiety headaches I continue to suffer from, which I find compliments the medication that I take. I have a very good Psychologist who provided invaluable help in my early stages of treatment, assisting me with such things as mindfulness. I will try and obtain a copy of the book you recommend for sure.

I have become involved back in two sports I love, in a non playing way, which gives me something different to focus on.

Diet isn't bad, alcohol - well - I have my days, but try and have a couple of alcohol free days a week. I am not an excessive drinker, but you know these Aussie summers get pretty dry 🙂 I am trying to keep my sense of humour intact as best I can

One of the biggest things I have very little tolerance to, since having the breakdown, is negativity. Negativity in the micro management at my employment, the way one small error is blown up, rather than focusing on the 99 good things I may have done. Negativity in the media, I am pretty old fashioned, and I really need to get away from the 24/7 bombardment of news and opinions on social media and the digital press. But it is so hard to escape. I sometimes wish the world would stop spinning for a minute, so I could get off and have a break from the frenetic pace at which we live our lives now.

I have a very supportive family, we are only a small unit, I have very little in the way of extended family. I must admit that I have few very close friends, and they have very busy lives as well.

TheSteve · ‎02-03-2017

Good to hear Squid, you are certainly doing a lot of things right in dealing with this.

I completely get your point on negativity. The workplace has become quite the negative environment these days - can't say "x", can't do "x", no to this and that, confined to a culture of political correctness gone mad (completely inhuman and not conducive to building relationships, by the way) and the bureaucrats who enforce it. Horrible really.

I picked up another great book recently which you'll appreciate - Bureaucratic Insanity (Sean Joseph Kerrigan) which you'll appreciate. It also has some great coping mechanisms for dealing with such people and environments. You may want to check it out.

As for the news feed - 100% agree. Drop Facebook if you can, and tune out the feed. It is not important anyway, and really is mostly propaganda. Try to get at least 2 - 3 hours (outside of sleep) to yourself, fully conscious, every day. Keep a quiet mind.

Good luck mate, let's keep talking.

Steve