Anxiety about work

[chamomiletea]

Hello,

Id really appreciate some advice on getting over getting fired. I worked a casual hospitality job for about a month or two. they hired me without hospitality experience but I don't manage to learn everything fast enough and after a particularly bad shift I got fired.

I accept that that has happened and am fine at my regular job, but the thing is, I can't seem to get over the hurt feel from the way I was treated. I just get this anxious feeling every time I think about the experience and smells of some cafes bring it right back. the last shift I was put in the hardest position without assistance, every mistake I made I was grumbled at, sighed at or rolled eyes at me by the manager, all while new tasks kept being called out. I felt so so stressed but didn't know what to do so just kept trying my hardest for about two hours befores my shift ended and I was fired. Even now when I think about it I physically feel anxious, and it has been several months ths since thus happened.

I just can't work out to move on and just want to be free from this feeling of guilt fear and lack of confidence I get every time I think about it.

I have an mental health care plan which I am waiting for an appointment time, but would really appreciate some tips on how to let go of this experience as it really feels hard to handle.

Thank you so much for anyone who has time to reply.

[SourceShield]

Hi ChamomileTea,

Just remember that we all respond to stressful situations differently.

For many reasons this experience has hit you hard - why?

Because you were treated unjustly and unfairly.

Okay - so, theres a lot of unfairness and unjustness in the world, but, when it happens on a personal level...we REALLY feel it.

The fact of the matter is - if you were given a role that was beyond your skill set, and they knew this, without correct and proper guidance...then it has nothing to do with your lack of skills but their lack of intelligence - frankly.

You're better off, not working for them!

When I moved to OZ, from NZ, I got myself set up as a Chef - I know how hospitality is.

I now work as a Personal Chef, and thankfully have gotten out of commercial kitchens.

Hospitality can be a ruthless industry.

Being fired can be embarrassing and completely stressful just dont let these feelings fester too much.

Great idea re: mental health plan.

This time, I say - THEIR LOSS.

Brush the dirt off, and leave them to their own mess.

You're too good for them.

Stay in touch!

MuchLove

[Nikkir]

Hi Chamomiletea,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. That must be really hard, I think as you said its the feeling afterwards and the memories and the stressful feelings that came afterwards. It sounds like a bit of PTSD ( post traumatic stress) but I am not a qualified practitioner. Good you got some sessions so you can work through this and get some strategies. I downloaded an app called " smiling minds' it is good for mindfulness and being in the moment and body scan. You can also you tube jon kabat zinn for mindfulness. You may learn such techniques like reframing the situation and choosing to see it differently and maybe CBT. I am not really sure but your therapist will guide you. You can always call our line on 1300 22 4636 for a chat or good resources. I wish you well and if you get a chance let us know how you are going or if there is anything we can do 🙂 Best Wishes Nikkir x

[chamomiletea]

hey SourceShield,
Just wanted to say thank you so much for your reply.
I will remind myself of what you have said... their loss, and poor management etc. considering they knew my limited skills, and that it is a ruthless industry.
It really helps hearing some kind words from someone in the industry. Will do my best to brush the dirt off 🙂
thanks so much again 🙂

[SourceShield]

Ahhh you're welcome, mate!.

Anytime.

You take good care of you now.

MuchLove

[SourceShield]

p.s.

I have also set myself up as a Creativity Coach - one part of that is assisting people to find the right and best job for them!

I have a post titled ...CREATIVITY TECHNIQUES...in the 'staying well' forum.

There is a technique --- The A.I.D technique that we use to help people out...to find the perfect career path!

Creativity is far more than just about our job, so I will be posting another technique tonight to assist with keeping life in order as well, and more to come...

Check it out!

[chamomiletea]

Hi Nikkir,

Thanks for your response. I will definitely check out the youtube channel, and try to let you know how I go with the sessions. Thanks again 🙂

[chamomiletea]

That sounds excellent. All of this hospitality job drama aside, I'm coming to the end of my degree but really not sure where to go from there - so I'm sure I could learn a lot from your Creativity Techniques posts 🙂

[SourceShield]

Awesome.

Whats your degree in?

I am hoping to complete a PhD in Creativity.

The truth is I tell people that I wanna be done by 2020...but this is my life passion.

My academic mission.

It could take my whole life...

But, I am cool with that.

Finding a balance with study and work is important too...

If you do need any assistance with stuff, just let me know.

PeaceOut.

[SubduedBlues]

Hi chamomiletea

Unfortunately there are a lot of bad managers out there, people who got the position based solely on their seniority and not because of any skills in managing people.

The first time I was a team leader, I found it so hard that I stopped being a manager and went back to being a technician. Only to find out later that my peers thought I was a real good manager. Since that time some 15 years ago, I have managed technicians, other managers and people who are not within my direct reporting lines; most importantly, I mentored and led these people into becoming the best part of themselves. The terms manager and educator are synonymous. Unfortunately many managers don't get this.

Oh that's another misconception among many managers, they think that because they have manager in their title that they are leaders... uh... no. A good manager is a good educator, and good leader is someone who motivates people into action without the use of fear or force.

These pseudo-managers act as though people will do as they say because they are the boss; they don't teach and they don't lead, they just order. These people may have "manager" in their job title, but they are not managers. To me they are just legitimized bullies.

It seems to me that you lost your job because your pseudo-manager did not know how to manage or lead people, and was too afraid to admit it. So to keep others from realizing their inabiilities, they let you go.

As far as I can ascertain: this was their failure... not yours.
SB

ps; If you have a chance, have a read of the book by Kenneth Blanchard, One Minute Manager. Where this book is intended to show the reader on how to manage people, it also helps people learn how to manage their manager.