Anxiety about family members passing away.

[feelingblue4832]

Hi all,

Long time reader first time poster, i thought if i joined i could try help others while helping my self, my issue is Anxiety/possible depression. i'm 29 years old male who works for his family business as if the last 2 or so years before this i was working for a big company, my Anxiety has always been present in my life in one form or another i find my self going a while without any issues and then Anxiety peeps in head up from under the sand to try derail me. i live a relativity happy life with a partner and good job satisfaction, im currently studying for my Cisco certifications becuases its what i enjoy and what im good at "computer stuff" now here is where my issues come into play im just about to turn 30 and i think in doing so my old Anxiety issues have come back in the form of my mind thinking about my parents passing away, they just turned 60 one is i think 63 or 64 now i know that they will pass away one day and i know that i will pass away one day but my mind keeps thinking about it and its driving my insane its making me break down crying, i find that when im busy at work i dont seem to feel it as much but at night when im alone or at home with just my thoughts it sneaks up on me and i lay in bed crying for a bit before i drag my self out of it using a thought journal or by reading self help type books, i have a GP appointment this week to try get into see a psychologist about my issue, my partner is supportive and so is my family my brother gave me a pep talk about it all but i still just keep worrying about if anything was to ever happen to them im very close to them all, i feel as if my mind if my greatest asset but my own worst enemy at times, i get so sad thinking about it happening and if i dont beat it i feel it will start effecting my current life worrying about the future. does anyone else worry about this type of thing or am i insane.

[Lee_C]

Hello, this is my first time on the BeyondBlue forums too. Your post stood out to me for a few reasons. All of them good may I add.

Firstly, well done on posting your worries. That is a brave thing to do. From what you have written your parents were in their thirties when you were born. Mine were too, in their late 30's.

I could speak in cliches about chin up, don't worry about what hasn't happened etc, but it wouldn't help in the long run. What you are feeling and the worries you have, are real... to you. And yes you may know that your fears and concerns are not logical in a way, but you are still feeling them. It is impossible to ignore these thoughts. You can bury them or hide them, but until you resolve them they will always be somewhere in your mind. However, you have made the most fantastic decision. That is to go and see your GP. Well done on this. And well done again on wanting to speak to a psychologist or counselor.

Now you have made this decision, follow it through. You may find that people you speak to about your situation may not understand your decision to seek advice or help. That is okay because they are not you.

I think you are being very brave and wise. Congratulations. xxx

( My name is Lee, and I live with Bipolar Disorder. I say live because I choose to 'live' rather than suffer from it. The assistance I have received over the years from medical professionals has saved my life and taught me how to have quality of life. I wish the same for you )

[Girlbond_007]

Hi Lee,

You are not insane at all, always remember that and thank you for be Ng braves to share.

I also suffer with this as part of my GAD. It hit me right after I gave birth to my daughter 4.5 years ago and I have been struggling with feeling or dread of losing family wether it be my husband, daughter, pets or parents. I have been receiving therapy with a psychologist since then and have come to learn this comes from our deep love of these people. I also had some issues of being lonely at school in my childhood even though I have three brothers. There are things we can be exposed to during our lifetimes that can make us feel this way.

please do make that appointment for counselling. It wasn't until I learnt some of the causes of my feelings that I began to understand. It also helped me to understand that being alone or without them is not always something we should perceive as being dreadful. Yes it will be sad and unfortunately this is the cycle of life. It will get easier when you start figuring your thoughts out and having someone guide you.

take care x

[The_Possum]

Hey there

I can totally relate to you.

My parents are 61 and 65 and I am close to them. I'm 35 and I've often thought about the day I lose them how I would feel. My little kids are so close to them as well, it would just be heart breaking.

Both my parents have had cancer over the last 8 years and beaten it, but it was a real eye opener to me of how fragile life is. It made me cherish them more.

Sadkh my mum has just been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer, it's not curable but she has treatments to try. We don't know how long she will get, maybe months, few years, or many years. No one can say what disease progression will be or if treatments will even work.

Holding her in my arms when the surgeon told us the bad news, was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my entire life as she broke down and cried. I felt like the parent and she was my child. It hit me then that she is going to die at some stage.

At first my anxiety kicked in and I madly searched the internet reading every journal article and research study across the world staying up night after night after night so wired. I'm bipolar ii so this is something that happens during my hypomanic phases.

Then the depression kicked in where I just cried and cried and cried like my heart was ripped out of my body into pieces and stepped upon on the floor. Again, thanks bipolar ii for the lovely mood swings you throw my way.

I'm slowly working though it all and have just organised a new psych as my old one has cut back hours and hard to get into. I hope I can continue to work through these feelings.

But I'm supporting mum everyday and I don't break down in front of her, instead I'm been positive and holding her up.

Wheb I get home I crumble each day. It is so exhausting.

Regardless of all that, the point I'm trying to make is that no one is going to tell you not to worry because they won't die. Because the reality is they will. And as they get older there is a greater chance of it happening.

But you can't think about it. Even in my mum's situation I'm choosing to be positive, and I'm choosing to live today and enjoy my time with her. This is what I work on with the psychologist too.

I highly recommend a psychologist to talk about these feelings and get them out in the open where someone independent can guide you. It does make things more manageable.

Good luck with the Cisco top! I've heard it's a challenging program, but so worth it! 👍

Take care x

[Lytaz]

Hi Feelingblue4832,

The posters above me have said everything that needs to be said and much more eloquently than I could.

I just wanted to add that I also know what you're going through. I have panicked about a parent dying since I was extremely young and this worry has come and gone over the years, making me fret over their health choices to nagging about visiting doctors etc.

In your current state your first step is not so much to accept the inevitability of death but controlling the anxiety which has made it such a focus. Your goal is to no longer have these worries for your parents front and centre in your thoughts, no doubt costing you sleep and making daily life tough.

I echo the other posters, I hope your GP sends you to see a psychologist who can provide you with the technique to control your anxiety/worries and help you nip them in the bud to stop them spreading beyond their current focus.

Good luck, I'd like to hear how you go with things if you want to stay in touch.

Lytaz.