Anger issues are going to kill me

[Kerr1]

Hi I'm 23 and completely crippled by my anger. When I get angry I can't hide it. I literally have to leave the situation I'm in otherwise I might genuinely hurt the people around me that have angered me. I'm not an unreasonable person and know that I'm a good person at heart. It really hurts me when I hurt someone I love friends and family. My anger can be vocal and physical. It feels like I'm on a spectrum of completely unhinged to slightly hinged at times. I generally get super angry over friends disrespecting me to some extent or for putting me situations that I am extremely anxious or uncomfortable in. I just want to be happy. And I can't let it go even if I know that its not worth it, that it means nothing and that I should just move on. I go from genuinely caring about that person to wanting to watch them suffer. I feel so trapped by my emotions in every facet of my life. I have sought help from so many different sources I'm not sure if breathing and mindfulness is going to cut it l. I really need help. 

[geoff]

Hello Kerr1, I'm sorry you have these difficult issues, but you have to remember that everyone has their own opinion whether you agree with it or not and people should not make their decision based on how you feel, so learn to give them the latitude they deserve, because not everyone needs to agree with you just so you don't get angry.

You are entitled to your own opinion and so is everyone else because discussing any situation solves many problems and if doesn't happen then why discuss anything at all, then it would be a bland old world.

Discussion promotes sensible decisions and if you storm off then no discussion can be achieved.

Everyone is entitled to voice their own opinion and and normally majority rules.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Kerr1,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums…

My late husband used to hold grudges towards people he thought disrespected  him….He would talk about nothing else for days, sometimes even weeks how he thought he was disrespected.…it used to completely consume him.

I remember one very close friend of his a 14 year friendship said something that he didn’t like…They had a argument and never spoke again…another time, when my son was a late teenager…he said something, that I thought was okay..but my husband, his father lost control of himself and actually started physically fighting him….my son done nothing just stood in shock no doubt….finally he left with broken ribs…..He lost his son’s respect that day…..I tried to stop him, then his anger unleashed on me…..I’m not saying these events will happen to you…but it can be possible if you can’t control your anger…I think when a person is angry enough, they cannot see beyond that anger and anyone who’s in the way becomes a victim for them to unleash that anger…

I don’t get angry, I learnt long ago, when I was a very small child, what anger can do to a person, because I was the recipient of there anger….my parents, my elder brother, then my now late husband….

I am sharing this with you, because I don’t want your anger to get that bad….Please Kerr, seek out some professional help…mindfulness and meditation can help, if you have professionals teaching you how to use them….just like anger feeds your anger….mindfulness and meditation can feed calmness into you…it takes practise and more practise, but well worth your energy to put into it……

You are aware of your anger issues, and don’t like that part of you….you are a good person for recognising that in you…you don’t want to hurt your family or friends, maybe their is a hidden cause of your anger, speaking to a professional might help to find the cause, or hopefully will help you by giving you some coping strategies….either way Dear Kerr, you deserve to be helped and your family and friends also deserve for you to be helped…

Here if you feel to talk some more…

My kindest thoughts with my care..

Grandy..

[Devine09]

hi Kerr1, I really understand what you are going through, I have been there myself. For me it was all about me needing to get my own way because I didn’t feel heard, or important to myself. Firstly I needed to learn to walk away, believe me, hurting others only make the anger worse. You see ultimately, even though I didn’t realise it at the time,  I wasn’t angry with anyone else I was angry with myself for not being perfect enough.  There are a lot of tools but you have to get to a place where you realise this is about you not anyone else. No one is making you angry, you are just reacting to situations because they are triggering something inside you.  I used journalling and sensual control. In my journal I would vent off everything, there is no limits, sometimes I didn’t write but drew words across the page. I would write things that were so horrible but it was all about getting it out and not keeping in shame of thinking that way.  The sensual control was all about bringing me down from the anger state quickly. The old way was to have an elastic band around your wrists and when you got angry you flicked it which hurt but brought you back because it interrupted the thoughts you were having to cause the anger. These days there are other ways, I use use ice blocks, the sense of the cold brings me back to reality. You can do courses on this or find your own sense that brings you back, smell, noise, taste ect.  I get what your saying about mindfulness and other such things, and I truely believe you have to be in the right place for them but if you stop fighting the thing in your head that’s telling you there not going to work they will. I do hope this has helped you. It is very tiring being at war with yourself. But ultimately you are the only one that can say, “enough, I need to do something about this” then follow it up with action.   

[sbella02]

Kerr1,

Thank you for sharing this, we really appreciate you reaching out. I warmly welcome you to the forums. 

I hear you, I really do. I've struggled with anger myself, particularly recently. Sometimes it's something small, sometimes it's not. The pre-existing frustration is then compounded by the frustration of being angry itself, and it can spiral quite quickly. It seems like you've identified one potential trigger already - being disrespected by people who are important to you, which makes sense - and this can be an important first step in learning how to manage strong emotional reactions and disable them from controlling you.

Anger itself is a normal human emotion. It's one of the fundamental ones. It can also be one of those emotions that can really affect you if it's not properly expressed, I've learnt. It can pile up and be released in a volcanic outburst of anger, which can often be misdirected towards something that doesn't require such a strong emotional reaction. This is where it becomes distressing. 

Have you had a chat to your GP or a counsellor or psychologist about your distress surrounding anger? They may be able to offer you some valuable, professional advice or management strategies. It can also be useful just to talk to somebody and express or verbalise how you're feeling. Journalling is another good means of doing this, as it may also help to pinpoint the cause of an outburst or a sudden feeling of anger.

It may seem minor, but I've also found stressballs to be quite comforting in dealing with anger too. Or engaging in something I enjoy, like painting or drawing.

I hope this is helpful for you. Please feel free to reach out more if you need, and I hope you can find comfort in the forums. 

Take care, SB