Am i suffering from anxiety or depression?

[JodiP]

Hi everyone, 

This my first time posting my experiences. I will start of by saying that i know very little about mental health, so please excuse me if i seem unsure or confused about what i'm going through. Unlike many others who have posted previously, i can't recall a history of mental health issues. As such, my sudden bouts of panic attacks, irrational thoughts and a general sense of anxiety and sadness have an acute origin that i can pinpoint to a particular event. 

About a month ago, i was completing an intense university related placement and experienced so much anxiety and stress during this period, that i ended up failing. Now, i face the difficult task of confessing this to my parents and potentially being kicked out of my course to which i would be required to come up with a Plan B. 

I know that i should try to look at my 'problems' in perspective. But this is just so hard coming from the environment that i grew up in where failure (in any domain, i.e. Hsc, tertiary education, work, love life) is synonymous with shame and disgrace. 

My question is, 'am i suffering from anxiety or depression?' (I know that many of you are not qualified specialist) but my understanding is that both of these diagnosis usually have a long term, ongoing origin and can often occur even without a major stressor in your life. 

Sorry if im not explaining myself correctly, i hope someone can provide an answer to these questions. 

[geoff]

dear JodiP, welcome to the site and thanks for posting your comment, and as you have said we aren't qualified to be able to diagnose your condition, but we maybe able say because of what has happened to us over the many years, but to get a proper diagnosis you should see your doctor.

It would be interesting to know what Plan B is, and how your parents are going to accept this or whether they will be disappointed.

From my perspective depression is the leader of all types of conditions that are mentioned under The facts which is above, so anxiety is a part of depression, but this doesn't necessarily mean that you are depressed, and therefore be called depressed, which seems rather strange saying this.

It seems as though your self esteem has taken a big dive, as has your confidence and these can lead to becoming depressed, which your doctor will be able to tell you.

You do make a valid point in your last paragraph, where you say that it could very well become long term and often occur, well that seems to be true, but it can be controlled by antidepressants as well as with counselling, which could separate each individual problem and talk about the reasons why you have them.

Do you have a doctor that you can trust, who can then give you his/her proper diagnosis, and once this has happened, it will make it so much easier for us to continue on with our help, plus there are a couple of questions which I have asked you. Geoff..

[Beltane]

Hiya and welcome. As Geoff said, theres some wonderful information listed under the heading "The Facts" at the top of the page. There is even a few "self-test quizzes" you can do where you rate your symptoms. You can print out your results and use them to start a conversation with your doctor about how you're feeling.

Certainly a lot of what you are feeling is very common. You describe a background of having that pressure on to succeed, and where failure is shameful and disgraceful. This certainly would give you that feeling of needing to be perfect, and the resulting stress when you are not perfect. In reality, you are only human. We all have our weaknesses- just like we all have our strengths.

Sometimes the road to success is bumpy and winding. Sometimes we go 2 steps forward, 1 step back... or 10 steps back...

This is not the end of all your dreams and goals. Its a bump in the road- one that can be overcome. In the end, you'll be a stronger, wiser person for it.

I've certainly felt this awful pressure to succeed, and the resulting feelings of failure, anxiety and even depressive feelings when all did not go to plan. I come from a family of really successful medical professionals, and i wanted to impress them so much i became a nurse.
Well i sucked at it. I know that sounds harsh, but no matter how hard i tried, i got poor marks in my studies. The job itself cause me HUGE amounts of anxiety and panic attacks, so badly i now have PTSD symptoms. I kept trying harder and harder, wanting my family to be proud of me.

In the end i finally realised what the problem truly was. I was spending my life trying to live up to these people instead of finding my own path. The day i told them i was quitting nursing to chase my dream of being a kindergarten teacher was a very hard day, and it took some of them many months to accept it.

Now that i am studying for my dream job i couldnt be happier. With medication and therapy my anxiety has disappeared, and i am brimming with confidence, happiness and a feeling of success. I get the highest grades possible in my studies, and the work itself fills me with happiness and satisfaction- not fear and anxiety.
The weird thing is, my family is more proud of me now than ever. Now i'm the brave person, the person who beat anxiety and depression, the person who bravely followed her dreams despite all odds. The words "brave woman" and "excellent teacher" get thrown around a lot, followed by proud smiles.

I'm happy now 🙂

[GlassHalfFull]

Hi JodiP,

Thanks for posting and can I firstly congratulate you for having the courage to seek help. This is a step that many people are apprehensive about taking and you should know that it is such a positive sign that you're asking the right questions at this stage. I myself am a Uni student as well and I've been through stages of both anxiety and depression. 

 I agree with Geoff above in that I think your confidence has certainly taken a hit from the negative experience of the internship. Can I follow this up by saying that I myself applied for over 30 internships over this summer and was unsuccessful on all counts - so the first positive you should take from this experience is that you managed to successfully apply for an internship. If your experience was anything like mine then that process itself was difficult and it's a rare achievement, regardless of whether your family/parents think so or not. 

As for your question about anxiety and depression, it is very difficult to diagnose but the positive is that you can already identify where it began. From reading your post I can tell that you're an intelligent person who makes logical decisions (that's why you went looking for help). My advice to you would be to look at your past internship, firstly acknowledge that what is done is done and that it can't be helped. Then I would look at it logically and consider whether you really think you did anything wrong (write down what happened if it helps). It sounds as though you tried very hard and we've already established that you deserved to be there. The most important thing to do is to learn from the experience and ask yourself whether the line of work you're pursuing is what you want to do what your parents would like you to do. 

 It's very hard for us to tell you to stop worrying but the sooner you address the issue, the easier it will be to deal with it. Hope this helps and just remember that regardless of what happens, tomorrow is a new day and you have a lot to offer.