Alone

[Bruisersmum]

Not sure if I'm posting in the right spot. Never felt more alone than I do today. Lost my mum nearly 3 years ago, she was my best friend, she'd just be there to listen, I thought I had friends that were like that but after going through a long grieving process, I'm still grieving, they disappeared, one turned their back so bad it made me suicidal, but I've noticed a peace in my life since she's been gone that made me see she was toxic not helpful, thought I'd found another friend who would be there no matter what but she just doesn't talk to me anymore. Vcommon denominator here is me, so I'm sitting here thinking I've done something wrong, everything is usually my fault, don't contact someone for two months and get blasted for it, even though I was sorting through mums stuff I was in the wrong. I am not good at writing down thoughts and feeling so I hope I make sense. I'm ready to just walk away from life but I have my dog to think about he keeps me going, he listens without judgement or questioning why I feel like I do. Which is why I'm here, I know I'm not the only one who is completely alone, no one to talk to I've considered ringing beyond blue just to talk to someone get these thoughts that are running around in my head out, but I always think that there is someone out there worse than me that needs them.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Bruisersmum

Thank you for your post today and for sharing your experience. We can hear that you are going through a lot at the moment, especially with the grief process after the passing of your mum. We are really sorry to hear that. We want to thank you for the courage you've shown in writing this, you never know who might read this and feel less alone in their own struggles.

If you ever feel unsafe, it is importat to call 000 straight away as this can be an emergency.

If you ever want to talk, we are here for you on 1300 22 4636 or on webchat. Our team are kind and understanding and there to support you if you feel distressed, or just need someone to chat with. 

We also reccommend you have a look at Griefline - they are experts in supporting people with grief. They have a forum as well if you feel like you want to join them as well. 

Thank you again for being a part of this kind, caring and open community. We hope that you can feel connected to some of the threads and conversations happening here. Please feel free to update us on how you are going if you are comfortable doing that. 

Kind regards, 
  Sophie M

[That Other Guy]

I have always struggled to keep friends. I made and lost two in the last year. I'm sorry about your mum, that was obviously a huge loss in your life. Don't think you shouldn't ask for help if you need it. No matter who else needs help, you're important and you deserve to look for support. Life is complicated sometimes and people can be unreliable. I think the most important thing is to find the value in yourself and realise you matter, no matter how other people treat you. That's been hard for me, but, I was pushed into dating last year, and actually found that a lot of people see worth in me, something I didn't expect at all. I suspect that, like me, people see more worth in you than you see in yourself

[livi_mivi]

Hey Brusiersmum,

Firstly, I would like to offer my condolences for the loss of your mother. It is never easy to lose someone and I can’t imagine the grief you are experiencing for someone that you were so close with. Grief is a complicated and individual experience; there is no set time for which it is “appropriate” to grieve. If you find that it is becoming consuming and having a great impact in your ability to function in everyday life, it might be useful to discuss this with a professional. Sometimes, you might need additional help to unpack such a complicated process like grief and that is completely okay.

As for friends, unfortunately it is in times when we need it most that we realise that they might not be the best person for us. Sometimes, they might just genuinely have no idea what to do or how to be there for you. Other times, they might feel overwhelmed by the gravity of the struggle that you are experiencing that they might disappear. Regardless, these are in no way an indication of your worth or what you deserve.

It is very difficult reaching out to friends sometimes when you are struggling, especially if you say that you have a hard time expressing your feelings. Do you think that you could maybe have an open chat with your friend that you thought would be there for you no matter what? Perhaps there are things that have gone unspoken that are affecting your relationship so bringing them to light, no matter how difficult it might be, could be what can save your friendship and reconnect you with one another.

Thank you for reaching out to all of us in the forum, we hear you and we welcome you with open and supportive arms. I wish you all the best in your healing.

[Bruisersmum]

Thank you everyone for the support. Not much has changed except I'm getting more professional help for my mental health and have found I have two friends that I can talk too, about anything. I can stop my brain turn it off by watching movies and TV shows, so I've been doing that a lot, with my dog Bruiser by my side, he's what keeps me from giving in to the suicidal thoughts, he knows when I'm down and brings me back to reality. Just going from one day to the next somehow surviving.

[A1989A]

Keep talking to others. Even if it’s a post on here to get the thoughts of your mind. I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix and shows to try to keep myself busy to. I even started playing a game on my phone. Dogs are beautiful companions and I’m sure bruiser loves you will all his heart.
have you got any good shows you can recommend watching?