Advice wanted to deal with stressful situations to reduce anxiety & its negative effects

[Elizabeth CP]

I thought I was doing much better but while on a recent holiday I had a couple of stressful experiences which led to anxiety & my response seemed to make the situation worse. I tried discussing this with my psych yesterday but we didn't come up with anything I felt would help. He tried to reassure me that my response was normal given my previous history including PTSD.

We arrived at the airport after almost 24 hrs of travelling without sleep. Our luggage was lost. I had to report the loss which took ages & was stressful. By the time I arrived at the ship (we were going on a cruise) I felt really unwell sick, bloated, headache & all the symptoms of acute gastro. These physical symptoms left as soon as the luggage arrived 24 hrs later so was definitely caused by anxiety rather than a physical illness. The next day I walked into town to try to buy essentials including sunscreen & hat. I did think I should buy one spare set of clothes to tide me over but when I got to the shops I couldn't face looking for clothes to purchase. I eventually found sunscreen but gave up on everything else I needed. I returned to the ship feeling a complete failure. Any normal person would have been able to walk into the shops & buy what they needed. I seem to get overwhelmed when I feel things are out of control and seem to struggle in busy crowded places. Hot summer weather were there is a risk of getting sunburnt is a PTSD trigger for me hence sunscreen & sunhat were essentials!

The other situation I faced was at another port were we were delayed getting into port so the planned excursion was cancelled. As I expected to spend the time on the excursion I hadn't worried about researching the port & had no cash on me. On arrival at the port we were inundated by people offering different tours but all required cash & a decision needed to be made immediately so no chance to get to bank & take money out. I couldn't cope with the crowds & felt overwhelmed & unable to think clearly enough to make logical plans. In the end I took off & walked out of town feeling like a failure because my behaviour was sabotaging any chance of making the best of the situation. It was like I was saying my plans have been ruined so I'll make sure I have a terrible time & spoil it for my husband as well!!! The angry, overwhelmed feelings dominated me.

I can't change what happened on those days but I need to find ways to manage my anxiety better in the future when faced with other stressful situations.

[kanga_brumby]

Similar to yourself Elizabeth there are times crowds just put me into a total panic. What I have found works for me is. Find a quiet place and just take a seat if I can, and close my eyes. Then just breathe, deeply, just concentrate on my breathing. Slowly calming myself, then after calming down mustering my nerves. Go back into the throng of people finish what I have to do. Then get the heck out of there FAST. I hope thing improve for you.

Kanga

[MarkJT]

Elizabeth, love what Kanga has written above and that is what i do as well. Just stop what ever i am going and calm myself with deep breathing and music.

What i want to add though is you need to not bash yourself. You are not a failure in any sense of the word. PTSD, in my opinion, is a serious injury and you are recovering from this. A part of that injury is that sometimes we have tactically retreat when anxiety peaks out.

I was on a flight not so long ago from Seattle to Detroit and although all flights previous to that, I was fine, I had a massive wig out. I medicated myself and got through the flight. Got to Detroit and had a laugh about it. It happens - deal with it and move on. I am not aiming that (deal with it and move on) at you, it is just that I have been able to reconcile that with my own recovery. I used to bash myself massive and think i was a failure, i no longer do that. It takes practice so start today and think when you have to take off from the shops, that you are protective yourself and that is not a failure, that is being clever.

Mark.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Kanga & Mark, I guess I need to aim for the quietest place as soon as things get bad & take time to breathe slowly. My challenge is doing this sooner rather than trying to push through to get whatever I'm doing over with. The other challenge is finding somewhere to 'escape' briefly when in unfamiliar environments. When travelling I usually plan on spending time at a local park on my first day do enable me to wind down & recover from the flight. (i don't have a fear of flying thank goodness but the fatigue / jet lag are killers) I need to learn to 'mentally escape' in less than ideal places & be prepared to tell me husband what is happening so he is more aware of what is happening & can support me.

I need to practice the deep breathing more regularly so I can use it more effectively when really needed & be less dependant on finding a quiet place to do this.

[MarkJT]

Elizabeth, you are spot on with your thoughts.

If you continue to practice this, over time you will get better and better at it until you are able to do pretty much anything.

For example, I used to meet mates at a pub and I would stay for about 15 mins and then leave. The next time i might have stayed for 20 mins until i started to get anxious. Continued doing this where now i can stay most of the night before bailing out.

It is about learning what your triggers are and how much you can handle before it takes over. I do not think there is anything wrong with pushing the boundaries but just a little bit at a time. Keep it within your control.

It is sounding good for you though.

Mark.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Mark for your advice.

[CMF]

Hi Elizabeth,

I'm sorry to hear things were so tough. I hope you did get to enjoy your holiday a little.

I remember many, many years ago i used to lose my confidence quite a bit and feel like such a failure. I found a little pocket sized book called "The little book of confidence" which I used to carry around in my bag. It was a book of confidence building quotes. When i needed to i would pull it out and sit and read it. I loved it and still have it to this day. In fact i have bought a few more pocket books that appealed to me. There are so many different ones, it's just a matter o finding one with quotes that you can relate to, that make you feel good.

I do hope you are feeling better, sending you lots of hugs.

baby steps x

[Pixie15]

Hello Elizabeth CP,

Read your post and just thought I would offer a few thoughts for you to take or leave as you wish.

Everyone gets nervous when faced with new situations.

You may have had a 24 hour bug.

Shopping at a strange place can overwhelm anybody.

You cant expect to know in advance everything you need to prepare for. Did your husband have money?

Just thought I would post this because you may be doing better than you think.

[Elizabeth CP]

Baby Steps

The book of quotes sounds like it really helped you. I like to look at quotes at home but probably wouldn't carry them with me. Nevertheless it is a good idea for me to read some inspiring quotes etc

Most of the holiday was good once my luggage arrived & I got over the jetlag. I like places were I can walk & explore rather than busy cities.

Hello Pixie, Thanks for your thoughts. My physical symptoms improved as soon as the luggage arrived so I'm sure they were caused by the anxiety & tiredness rather than a virus. My husband had no money either. He is blind so I manage all the finances so he only buys things very occasionally when out without me. Guiding him in a strange city trying to find things we needed just added to the stress & made me feel more inadequate as I felt I wasn't helping him enough. I posted to get ideas so I can do better in the future.

Mark You used an example of gradually increasing your time at the pub. I don't drink so that is not an issue but the it triggered some other ideas relevant to me. One of my issues is learning to adapt to my changing situation. I have compensated for my feelings of inadequacy & low self esteem (probably stemming from being bullied as a child as well as the bushfire which caused the PTSD) by being very goal orientated & trying to be 'useful' or 'helpful' If I'm not achieving something tangible or helping others I feel worthless. When things aren't going to plan I feel useless. My psych keeps suggesting I need to start doing things without my husband. His reasons are so I can have a break from the caring role & so I can be better prepared for the future when he is more incapacitated & I need to have a break because of the level of care required. I keep putting this off I have trouble thinking what I can do on my own (I have spent most of my adult life as a carer I took over the care of my mother when my youngest child was a baby & my husband was diagnosed with a degenerative illness soon after she died.

Sorry I am really tired & probably not making much sense.

[Elizabeth CP]

Sorry my last post particularly the part replying to Mark became a bit confused as I am not well (with a cold) & was extremely tired so struggling to think clearly. There are 2 things I need to do:

1: Practise slowing my breathing to calm me down so I can control my anxiety better in very stressful situations. Trying to do it in the situation is too hard so I need to practice when things aren't too bad.

2: I need to start to do things on my own (ie without my husband) which I enjoy. The aim being to learn what things work ie what things I enjoy and will give me respite when needed. Also I need to learn to do things I enjoy without feeling guilty or worthless. The other thing is that I need to find some balance between caring for my husband & caring for myself. If I let myself get down or unwell then I'm not good company for my husband anyway & can leave him feeling more of a burden which s unfair. He hates being a burden & wants to be able to help

I can acknowledge that I need to start doing things on my own which I enjoy (I don't have difficulty doing chores on my own such as shopping or the gardening because they are needed) but I constantly procrastinate or I will make excuses like I'll go out for the day with him doing something we enjoy such as walking which is fine but it doesn't help me learn to have an effective break. When he is well it is not such an issue as I have adjusted to catering for his needs now but when he becomes unwell I have no resilience worrying day & night about him with very little sleep. The few attempts I've made to have respite have not been effective so I need to practise & build up when things are OK so I can manage when things are not OK. Unfortunately the only things the doctors can guarantee re my husband's condition is that it will get worse and we can both see that happening.