Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

Beaser · ‎06-07-2023

I hope im posting in the right section . I have started to accept that my anxiety and depression are not my fault and in a way its a bit of a comfort. It has cost me so much ,relationships,employement and family ties.. Im scared of where its taking me but im 56 and have fought hard for so long and yes im tired of it.

Do i have to explain it to everyone who asks why im not working or functioning well? I was wondering have others found themselves at a similar stage.

Love and best wishes to everyone. Brett

sbella02 · ‎09-07-2023

Brett/Beaser,

Thank you for sharing how you feel with us.

You've explained it perfectly. It's a sort of tired realisation that anxiety and/or depression have taken so much from us and that we've sacrificed so much of ourselves to try and overcome them, when sometimes the best thing to do is to learn how to deal with or cope with their existence in our lives. I've reached that realisation a few times, and I like to keep track of these kinds of realisations in my journal for future reference.

Have you ever received any professional advice or support for your anxiety or depression? How have you typically learned to manage them when they're affecting aspects of your life, if you'd feel comfortable sharing?

SB

Beaser · ‎10-07-2023

Hi Sbella and thanks for your reply.

I have had different professional support for the last 30 odd years. Currently my GP and phycologist are my support and a couple of special friends.

If im honest i haven't managed too well at times and made some poor decisions with things like work and relationships . At the moment im just trying to manage day by day but am struggling badly at times.

Always happy to talk more ad thank you

Brett

smallwolf · ‎10-07-2023

Son and I are members of the Lions club. My son used to play in early teen years, but injury in AFL interfered with swimming. When he played we did the volunteered in all areas of the game. Son is now an assistant coach for an U10 team. In these moments though ... it's a good way to get the mind into a better place. At least that is what i found.

therising · ‎11-07-2023

Hi Brett

It's amazing how much inner dialogue we have to battle through to reach the conclusion 'It's not my fault that I can feel so deeply and so easily under a variety of circumstances'. If we can feel what's depressing, that's not our fault. If we can feel what's anxiety inducing, that's not our fault.

When others are able to relate to feelings we experience, it's a relief. For the less able, trying to explain it to them can become somewhat of a compulsion. I like to look at it as us being reasonable people, being able to offer reason to others so they can come to relate in some way or perhaps so they are not so harsh in their judgement. Some folk just can't relate or they refuse to listen to reason and that's also not our fault. I learned not to waste my breath on those who refuse to listen to reason. It's such a time saver.

These days I sometimes 1) just tell it how it is on occasion or 2) tend to question more. I've found such approaches to be natural self esteem boosters under certain circumstances. A third approach comes down to leading people to relate in some way. So...

could involve 'You know I can feel what you just said to me. You know what you said is depressing and it doesn't matter how much you deny it, I can still feel it'
could involve questioning 'Why can you not feel the amount of anxiety inducing challenges I face? Why do you not feel the need to help me lighten the load?'
doesn't necessarily involve comparing a similar situation, such as navigating heavy traffic for example. For one person this may feel overwhelmingly stressful whereas for another they may love the challenge. It's about picking another person's most stressful experience and speaking of the feelings involved in that. It's about relating to the feelings, not the situation - what is felt as breathtaking/suffocating, sickening, heart racing, overwhelming etc.

One of the things I love most about sensitive people (those who can easily sense what's potentially depressing or anxiety inducing) is...they will try and get a feel for what we're facing. They may then take it even further by wondering with us as to why we could feeling that way. Sensitive people rarely leave us to wonder alone. With insensitive people, we're typically on our own. Easy to sense the difference between the two 😁

Beaser · ‎12-07-2023

Thank you TR.

Its always good to hear from you and you make some great points.

You are so right about not wasting our time on those who refuse to listen. Ive learnt the importance of choosing my battles.

Best wishes for the day Brett

smallwolf · ‎16-07-2023

Hi Beaser.

You're right about not wasting our time on people who just won't listen. It's a lesson that has taught me to save my efforts for those who are actually willing to engage in meaningful conversations. Perhaps the only downside is that sometimes you have to start that conversation to find out. Hope your weekend turned out OK.

Beaser · ‎25-07-2023

Hi S.W

Hope your going ok. Sorry for the late reply.

Your right about saving our efforts for those who are willing to engage and listen.

Its refreshing to talk to some and draining with others.

Brett.