Year 12 ruined me
Throughout all of highschool I was getting only A and B grades now I can barely get B’s and I’m a straight C student, year 12 has absolutely ruined me I don’t know what is in store for my atar I don’t know anything I am a extreme perfectionist and these scores have ruined my self esteem, I don’t need an atar to get into the school I want but throughout all of Highschool all I wanted was a high one. And It’s all my fault I should’ve studied harder I should’ve got my assignments done and I didn’t I am so burnt out and done. Please help me find some clarity or hopefulness
I think being reflective is a good thing, knowing you should have studied harder is self assessing and not many people do that.
I often wonder about education because like you my grades went down the higher I stayed in school. I only made it to year 10 and saw the writing on the wall and left, joined the RAAF (Air Force) and never looked back. I was able to further my education without stress, an adult income and travel and get a car etc. It all fell into place.
Nowadays there is such a high expectation for teenagers to do high education, to achieve as their only goal, but this isnt realistic, some students find their limit and if that comes about then mental health declines... is it worth it? I dont think so. That's the clarity you need regardless if you accept it or not, accepting it is a personal choice but being pedantic or as you call it "perfectionism" is not being fluid with life and that is the major concern that I identify with here.
Being fluid, flexible could include-
Take a few years off education, find a job and return down the track
Continue what you are doing and study more but be prepared to repeat subjects if needed
Consult school counsellors, its why they are there
When studying harder do it intensely but also take those breaks you need to regroup
Self esteem at your age can come and go. To limit the erosion of it- dont take criticism lightly, defend your honour of trying hard, pat yourself on the back and look for reasons to do that (as I did in my first sentence) and analyse why you didnt study hard eg partying or social events.
Life includes waves, ebb and flow is in everything we experience. To expect ourselves to be perfect is to expect us to not be human. To be realistic in life challenges is to reduce the worry and not expect ultimate scores that are beyond your capacity. We cant all be rocket scientists.
Ever played a computer game that was sooo easy - always winning, always praised for success?
Without challenge, what motivates you?
And is your quest for high grades more one of pride than opportunity?
Sometimes learning involves experiencing the lows to maximise our potential - and this is a valuable lesson we carry with us for life.
Study not for how you wish others to perceive you, but for developing understanding irrespective of any resultant grades. Either way, you will emerge stronger for seeing it through.
first of all, dont put so much pressure on yourself. you have and will achieve so much more than this.
as someone who got a high atar, it literally does not matter after high school. i didn't even use it to get into a hard uni course, the atar i needed was only 70. in retrospect, i wish i had let myself go a little bit and enjoyed year 12 more, but i was too busy worrying about grades. your atar will not matter again after you use it for entry into tertiary education. it does not matter. im sure you will get a reasonable score that will enable you to reach your next goals. and im sure you will be great at the next thing you do.
year 12 burns you out, but life gets so much better. there is SO MUCH more to life after high school, so much more freedom, but also more responsibility.
enjoy your last few months of high school while you can, and don't put too much pressure on yourself. youre doing fine.