why can't i make friends

Ambrosia132 · ‎24-10-2020

i don't even know why i am posting this, i guess it's just easier when i can write everything down and not try to explain it to someone.

Every year i try to make friends and it goes okay and then it's like i slowly start to pull away and all my friends go in one direction and i'm left all alone. Ever since i can remember i would try my best to make friends and fit in but i still ended up feeling lonely towards the end of the year. I like being on my own and i think that is part of the problem. I want to just have space to relax and do my own thing and in doing so i think people just end up leaving me alone. I have extreme social awkwardness and anxiety. I struggle to make a conversation with people outside my immediate family like cousins and family friends who i have known all my life. So making friends is absolutely terrifying and difficult.

I think one of the things i struggle with is my sister who is two years older than me. She goes out with her friends almost every day and comes home late every night. She is always making fun of me and saying i don't have any friends.

I have one friend but she's not very nice and picks on me all the time. Last year she told the whole school that i punched her. lots of people came up to me and were being really rude. We eventually made up after a few weeks but I lost most of my friends because of that. She makes fun of me and tells really mean jokes about me but she's been my friend for 5 years and if i stop being friends with her i will have no one to sit with.

School starts back on Monday and i am terrified. We have been at home in quarantine for almost three months and my social skills have declined even further. My homeroom teacher started making me see the school psychologist a few months ago but i don't know how i'm meant to talk about everything. I just feel all alone all the time and even when i hang with other people it just makes me want to go sit alone because i don't know how to connect and fit in to their conversations.

I keep asking my mum to let me move schools which might be terrifying to some people but i just want a fresh start where no one knows me and i can just be myself.

I had one friend who i felt like actually knew me and i could talk to and open up to but she moved back to England at the end of last year. i have tried everything i play lot's of sports, i join school clubs but i always feel like im in this bubble and i don't know how to get out.

Please i need help i don't know what to do.

Sophie_M · ‎24-10-2020

Hey Ambrosia, thanks for joining us here on the Beyond Blue forums. We know its not always easy to reach out for help, so thank you for having the strength to do so. We can hear how lonely and isolated you are feeling at your school. We can also empathise with your feelings of anxiety around having to return to school. This would be so tricky after 3 months away. We're sure that a lot of our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will be able to offer you words of advice. If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.

smallwolf · ‎25-10-2020

hi and welcome.

I want to reply to your story but I have to make dinner for my family now. All I will say right now is that siblings can be really frustrating and can say things that are really painful. I wish I knew why they (brothers or sister do it). For myself it stopped when we became adults. That said, there is a boundary when some teasing in jest becomes too much. Have you talked to anyone about that?

Lastly, what would be mean to be yourself? What would that look like?

Tim

yuki_imafuyu · ‎25-10-2020

hi Ambrosia132,

i used to have a fake friend like yours, who also picks on me when I'm actually helping her. she merely doesn't want to lose face and this makes me uncomfortable when being with her. i was hesitant at first, due to how challenging it is for me to make new friends, but i still chose to end this relationship. i believe being someone's friend isn't meant for enduring all the uncomfortableness, when that someone doesn't even consider whether his/her actions are hurting your feelings or not.

i also don't have many people that could consider as 'friends', and i understand how frustrating this is. during class time and recess, what i did was sitting with a group of people and trying to engage in the conversation. in fact, it is extremely awkward. mostly my engagement wouldn't last for long and be interesting like others do. starting from tomorrow i will be going back to campus as well, and i will most likely continue with radiating awkward energy and giving wrong timing reactions. but still i know at least I've tried something.

i don't know if this will work, but maybe try 'exposing' your interest and habits. because as an introvert, it might be difficult to start off the conversation. for example, if you're a person who likes manga and read them during class (bad student behaviour but let's ignore this), your neighbour might be interested in what you're reading, and hopefully, if that's a common interest you both share, that might be easier to chat.

it makes me feel more relieved when i saw your post, realizing i'm not the only one who feels that. sorry for anything that sounds misleading. i don't speak english very well haha. hope my post can also relieve your stress a bit:).