What do I do

[MaxRyan]

Hi, this is my first time writing on this so I’m not to sure how this works but here I go.

My life has been spiraling out of control for about 2 years now, I’m now 18. My father died a week before my 17th birthday and I haven’t really spoken about it to anyone, I just feel like they don’t need to hear about it so I bury it inside me. I’ve always had a handfew of friends but when my dad died it’s like only 3 of them were really there for me but I’ve pushed them away, so I feel like I have no one. I have a girlfriend, but I had an incident where I was highly intoxicated and was taken advantage of that was about a year ago I still haven’t told her because I feel like I need her to support me, but I don’t think I can handle the guilt of not telling her what happened.

ive always been an quiet person but when these two things have happened I just feel like apart of me is broken. I can’t remember the last time I was truely happy, i just put on a fake smile and pretend I’m alright but deep down I just don’t know what to do

[blondguy]

Hi Max

Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the courage to post!

My sincere condolences for the loss of your father. That is a devastating time to go through (and keep going through) I understand you as my dad passed away a year ago and the pain is still there.

I would give some thought about making a double appointment with your GP and have a really good chat/vent

You would be surprised how good you will feel afterwards.

Is there any chance of making contact with the friends of yours that were always there for you?

When we talk about our feelings to someone its the same as letting off steam. Its also really good for our health too as we have less buried inside us which will give you back the peace in your life

Im sorry for the late reply Max. We are usually pretty quick in responding.

I hope you can post back with your thoughts. The forums are a safe and judgement free place for you to post as many times as you wish

My kind thoughts

Paul

[Sam_W]

Hi Max,

I'm really sorry to hear about your father, you are incredibly strong for having made it through that!

I also received some bad news and didn't grieve about it when I was 18, I didn't talk about it to anyone I just buried it with substances and negative behaviors.

Speaking to friends, counselor's and psychologists about it have been the best thing I did to get through it. I also found that writing a journal to externalize my internal thoughts has also been very helpful in getting them out of my head. I found I spent a lot of time thinking about negative things and I slowly withdrew from life and pushed friends away. Talking about it with someone else helped me get out of negative thought loops that plagued my thoughts. I realized I was so stuck in these thought loops that I became disconnected from other people and reality and became really unhappy. Talking about it with people helped me to work through this and become more connected to reality and people and in turn I found that glowing feeling inside me which I think is happiness returned. It was really uncomfortable but the more honest about my thoughts and feelings I was with others the better I got.

Its amazing that you have reached out with this post, do you have someone you can talk to about this? Like a friend or counsellor?