What do I do next?

[Phryne]

Hi I need help!

I graduated high school with straight As and went to university with the goal of being a vet because i wanted a goal not because i actually wanted to be a vet. That lead to a huge break down and the problems I've had with anxiety and depression became unbearable. My mum and boyfriend convinced me to change degree to a double degree in art and science so i could explore my interests and try and find something that i liked. It was good advise but i've just failed a summer semester course in French by 1% and that was something i thought i wanted to lean but i hated it just as much as my original vet subjects. I feel whatever i try and study i hate and i never do well enough or work hard enough at. I have no goals and nothing i want to study and nothing i want to become after uni. I made no friends at uni but i am still very close to my best friend from high school. I feel like i just don't belong there. But i don't think i have any other options. I'm humiliated that i'm doing so poorly and that i'm so unhappy especially because i was always told that i would find my tribe and fit in when i got to uni but i feel more lost than ever. I also moved from the country to the city which is really hard for me because i'm defiantly not a city person. My work is good i'm a horse riding teacher and i love that but i don't think i could make it a career and my parents expects me to graduate with good grades and make something of myself. The only aspect of uni enjoy are creative writing but i dont know how to tune that into a career and i don't think i'm good enough. I feel like i'm wasting an amazing opportunity but also like i just dont belong in this academic world or even in this city. I see psychologist but she doesn't really help and i always feel worse leaving her office than i did before i entered it. My boyfriend has been amazing through all of last year (my first year of uni) but i dont want to put him through that again this year and i feel like things are getting worse rather than better.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated

Ellen

[BDSA]

Hi Ellen,

It must be really hard going through so many thoughts and feelings like this, all at once, but I'd like to tell you that how you are feeling right now is perfectly understandable and normal.

To me, what it seems to be the issue here is that you're trying to fulfil your parent's expectations whilst you haven't figured out what career you want to follow. Not everybody has it figured out what they want to study, from a young age. Some people figure it out years later, and that's absolutely ok.

I'll briefly share my experience with you. When I graduated, and even before, I had no idea what I wanted to study, so I came to Australia for 1 year to get some "living abroad experience", figure out, and go to uni and carry on with my life. I ended up staying and never went to uni. Whilst working, I then found my passion, work-wise, did a TAFE course and continued to thrive in that newfound career, a good 6-7 years after graduating.

My point here is: there is no perfect time and no rule that you must have a degree in order to have a career. If you feel like you don't belong there, it's ok. It may be the case now, or forever.

I'd strongly suggest that you find another psychologist as you shouldn't be leaving there feeling worse than when you entered it.

Also, 2 questions for you to ask yourself:

1. Why couldn't you make a career out of being a horse riding teacher?
2. Why don't you think you're good enough writing?

There are definitely ways to tune writing into a career, speak to someone at your uni regarding it, they might be able to help you.

But most importantly of all, don't try to please others and forget who you are. Your whole life is ahead of you, there's plenty of time for you to experience things, make mistakes, learn. No time is ever wasted, just valuable lessons learnt.

I wish you all the best.