ups and downs

[octavia17]

My first love and I broke up just over a year ago and I'm still having my good days and bad days. Sometimes I can't sleep or I cry myself to sleep.. The thing I think that hurts the most is that we only broke up because he was moving and he said he still loved me and that it was really hard on him too but we were together for 2 and a half years and it only took him 3 months to get over me... is it really that easy to get over someone you loved? Now he's getting with other people and I can't help but feel a little betrayed, is that silly? We are still friends but I'm not sure if he even really wants to be friends with me anymore, it's like I'm not important at all, like I don't matter. He comes home and sees all his friends, we'll most of them, but won't come and see me and I literally live around the corner. He doesn't even message me anymore unless I message him first. I just don't know how to feel or what to do..

[Neil_1]

Hi Octavia

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and posting.

You know, this is probably not what you want to hear, but be it the first love or your 17th – when they end, in most situations, they all hurt.  Especially if you are one that really has fallen – so many of us have experienced this and yes, I’ve had this happen a while in the past.  But I still remember those times.  It’s also not often that with a break-up it’s where both parties agree.  More often than not, it’s one party that wants to end it.  This person will be the one who will bounce back far quicker than the other one.

Having said that, this is not to detract from the affection that he showed for you during your time together.  It was there and it was real.   But for him now, it appears to me from what you’ve written is that he has moved on with his life and with that, he’s probably avoiding you so it doesn’t possibly stir up any feelings for you, if you both got to see each other again.  A kind of tough love situation – ok, maybe I’m wrong, but that’s just my play on this.

I think you’ve got to feel that you had a really good time with him for as long as the two of you went out;  but that it’s now over (1 year) and now it’s time to start to reinvent yourself.  By hopefully being able to get back out there and do things with your friends – and get back to doing what interests you and things that you enjoy doing.  Maybe you’re already doing this – if so, then keep on doing this.  If not, then I think it’d be great to start giving it a go.

I hope I’ve helped out in some way and it’d be great to hear from you again.

Neil