Trapping myself in..

[feelingreserved]

I'm a 19 year old girl and have suffered from social issues as long as i can remember due to the fact of a large amount of bullying throughiut primary and highschool. Primary school I also searched for acceptance and in turn became the annoying girl no one wanted to hangout with. In highschool it was the same but gradually getting worse. I would be afraid to speak or do something without my "friends" ridiculing me for it. Eventually I gave up and became extremely reserved limiting myself to interactions with other people constantly fearing what they would say, think or do if I were to do something. Walking to school I would have to stop each morning before entering the gates to stop myself from vomiting and prepare myself for a day of being teased and undervalued. 

Graduating school and moving out of my home town was one of the best decision in life i have made so far. I have come a long way with my issues but still find them limiting me. I find myself withdrawing from friends because they have found new friends out of fear of being forgotten or left out. So i tell myself I don't care and choose not to participate alienating myself. I find it so hard meeting new people. However my boyfriend of 6 months now is the complete opposite of me (works in a night club) and has really helped with my anxiety of meeting new people and it has subsided but the thoughts in my head have not stopped. I can never turn them off. 

It has now really become a problem because a month ago my bf and i were having a lot of issues and he made a mistake and made out with another girl. I recently found this out. He has given up so much of who he was to become the man he is today for me and i know he regrets it and is trying to fix what he did. But I can't get it out of my head. I can see the truth in his eyes that he isn't bullshitting. He would take a bullet for me if it meant I was safe. But my anxiety is running into overdrive...

And even once this is over my anxiety will move onto something new to fester on... I just want to make it stop. To stop watching my life go by as I sit at home by myself wondering what everyone else is doing.

[Narniakid]

Hi feelingreserved, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

I am so glad to hear that you've been able to graduate and move out despite such a tough time during your schooling. I can relate to you in that I've just reached the six month mark with my boyfriend, who happens to be completely opposite of me too, and he is really understanding of my anxiety, however what I like is his brutally honest approach to things, it's really made me form this stronger outer shell I never had before.

What I suggest you do is practice the idea of mindfulness - it is a technique used in a lot of therapy and self-help and has really become popular in the last couple of years. There are lots of books on it, as well as online information and resources. Basically it is the concept of living in the moment, focusing on here and now rather than reminiscing on the past or worrying about the future. In your situation, I'd suggest having a look into it, or perhaps a counselling session to pinpoint exactly what needs to be worked on. Have a read of the information available here on the website, and consider getting your partner to read the information for carers, as it may give him a better understanding of what you're feeling and how to manage it.

Crystal

Crystal

[PatT]

Hi,

I think you've come pretty far since high school and you should be proud of that. Anxiety is such a tiresome and persistent burden. It's a ridiculous concept - being worried all the time about the past, present and future and the only thing I have ever found to help significantly is meditation. I used to be a massive sceptic but I got into it a year ago when I was in rehab and it's made the most noticeable dent in my anxiety. It's hard at first but if you continually work at it, I guarantee you'll reap the benefits.

As for the issue with your boyfriend - it's hard to be an introvert dating an extrovert. That's the situation I'm in myself now (being the extrovert though). Their sociability seems strange to you and with your boyfriend's previous mistake I can understand your worries. He sounds like he's really going out of his way to make up for it though which is a pretty strong indicator of his affection for you. He wouldn't be doing it unless he really cared. We all make mistakes. One of my best friends slept with another girl when he was dating his current girlfriend. They're still together 3 years later after he told her. He loves her to death and it was just a dumb mistake on his behalf. I dunno, maybe it's a guy thing.

One practice I also do is making gratitude lists at the end of every day. I just write down 3 things I'm grateful for, which can be as small as "ate sushi today" or "had a good run today". Doing little practices like this can help distract you from habitually perceiving the world as full of bad things.

And let your boyfriend know about ways he can help.