Problems with a girl

Jack1233 · ‎19-08-2015

Hello,

my name is jack and i'm currently having a situation. I'll try to keep this as short as i can. I'm 15. I found myself liking a girl and it has come at a large cost for me. We talked a lot and it appeared to me as if this girl liked me. We caught up on the weekends twice, once to go to the soccer, and we both had a great time. She told me how much fun she had so i said why don't we go next week to the soccer. So everything is fine, we do everything as friends, but i feel as if each other those we like each other if that makes sense. I then take the bus all the way down to the soccer by myself and when i get there she texts me saying she doesnt want to catch up this time.

This girl knows she is much more popular than me and thus i feel like she feels she has much more power over me. I'm always the one who messages first. I try so hard to make this all work, to show her how much I really like her but now I'm not sure where I stand with it all.

I'm loosing sleep, I find it hard to concentrate at school, and I feel very alone in this situation. I've never had a girlfriend so I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to act or anything.

If anyone could help that would be great thankyou

Raven666 · ‎19-08-2015

hey jack1233, i feel your pain man. its been years since i was in high school but i still remember what its like. I would suggest take a step back, mentally, and try to see this objectively. Try to see the situation without emotions and feelings clouding judgement. Hard yes i know but it can be done. So your girl seems to be popular with others? How does she behave at school compared to with how she behaves away from school? ask yourself these kinds of questions. And I know this is gonna be the hard part but you will have to lay your cards out on the table with her. Privately. You both need a heart to heart. It may be something, it may be nothing. You'll never know until you try. and trust it from someone who has tried and tried and tried again for 25 years, the old addage of "its better to try than never try at all" is very spot on.

geoff · ‎20-08-2015

hi Jack, great to be able to talk with you, and to be 15 again, probably a bit too young for me, but to go through what we have learnt and experienced over the many years, would be a bonus.

Remember if she is more popular, then there will be many other guys wanting to go out with her, and she will play on them all, which includes you as well, she is the pinnacle choice and she can pick and choice whoever she wants to go out with, and maybe she could have had another invitation to somewhere else.

When you fall in love with someone, you are on cloud 9, that is an extraordinary high level of love, but it is worse if you are not going out with them and long for them to be your partner, your heart beats, you sweat and you have a dry mouth, especially when you pass or set eyes on each other, and this will never stop, no matter how old you are, it's only a natural instinct.

Being in love is so beautiful, but it's also very cruel, and it's impossible to prevent this, no matter what you try and do, and it's also full of heartache and disappointment.

You are young and during your life there will be many times that feel love and also many times when your heart is broken.

I'm old but I have lost count of the number of times I have been in love, but matched by many heartaches and disappointments, but it's a journey no different than anyone else.

Just because she didn't want to go with you the second time doesn't mean that she's not keen on you, because she will sum up all the guys and pick the ones she likes, so please don't lose hope. Geoff.

PatT · ‎20-08-2015

Hey Jack,

Yeah that really sucks. Really really sucks. That type of pain really stabs at your heart and disrupts your whole day. What you said about the whole popularity thing, it could be true. At that age everyone is so concerned about how popular they are and I guess you know that there are levels of popularity and you kinda stick to your own. What you've said might be legit - but it also might not be.

At the same time, I don't think there's that much point in chasing after her if she's going to make you feel that way. Even if you really do like her, I feel like if the whole situation makes you feel so bad then sometimes it's better to just let it go. You don't wanna feel like you're in a position where she has power over you - that's a rough place to be brother.

But at the end of the day it's your decision and I know how strong feelings can be. So tread carefully and don't let yourself get too absorbed by it all.

Narniakid · ‎20-08-2015

Hi Jack1233, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

I agree with what the others have said. It's a harsh reality, but you need to weigh up whether or not the pain that you're going through is worth it for this girl. How does she act around you compared to how she acts at school? Is she looking for a partner or is she just enjoying being popular at the moment and having her pick in companions? Unfortunately, high school is a place where power is currency, and it seems she's richer than you. At the end of the day it's up to you which path you want to take, but if she's making you feel like this, and you have to chase her just to be around her, she's not worth it. You're young and you've got many years and many girls in front of you. Think of it this way - you're one broken heart closer to your perfect girl. Stay strong.

Crystal

Jack1233 · ‎20-08-2015

Hi again,

Thankyou all for your responses means a lot to have people who care for my situation. I have talked to this girl in the past 24 hours and have tried some of your suggestions, particularly just telling her how I feel. So this is how it went down

I told her that I really liked her and that I need to know how she feels.

She told me that she liked me.

I told her that I don't buy it, and if so why would she act how she does around me and do somethings to someone she wouldn't do if she really did like me.

She said back "to be honest, I still haven't decided yet."

I can't keep playing these mind games she keeps holding onto me by a thread and I can't just decide myself what I should do. Some other people have told me that some other girls are interested in me but I really do like this girl.

Im becoming increasingly frustrated by her and what she is doing to me but I can't just seem to drop it. For me, telling her I like her and then she telling me that she 'hasn't decided' is rude and embarrassing for me.

I'm willing to just drop it all if that's what needs to be done.

Any suggestions?

white knight · ‎20-08-2015

Hi Jack,

I've read al the replies and they are in the ball park on what could be done.

In your case you are impatient. I used to be as well. And you cant but patience in a supermarket. It's the way you are.

You need to "play the game" of dating. She has a right to be indecisive. But if you rush her you will lose all opportunity- girls wont be rushed. In fact, she could be turned off you forever.

She has already told you she "like you". Take that as a bonus. But she might not like you enough to regularly date you- just yet. She did enjoy that day at the soccer, I would have mixed it up with a different venue and a shorter date myself, say lunch at a fast food place... All day dates are too long for beginners in a relationship.

If you really want to enhance your chances my advice is to a/ tell her how wonderful she is b/ don't let on how impatient you are about her and 3/ date other girls like she is dating other guys. (jealousy with make her feel there is competition.

Finally...be good to her mother....(mothers and daughter talk a lot....:) )

Raven666 · ‎21-08-2015

hey jack1233, its great that you've let her know how you feel. That really does take guts and courage. If she's indecisive thats fine. I know your gonna hate hearing this as i did at your age but you guys still have a long life ahead. Don't try and rush relationships. its great that you've both talked about it now let things run their course. Don't push her nor let her rule your life. Its hard i know and requires a lot of patience especially when you feel as if its consuming your every waking moment and your dreams. believe me i've been there. patience is your best thing right now. I wouldn't "play the game" though. To me that seems to say that she has power over you and women who have too much power can become a big handful and think they own the world. Don't play the game and if you don't feel like dating others than don't. Not playing the game will show maturity, that your not into childish teenager-ish power play games. I really wish you luck in this endeavour. Love is a beautiful thing but can be really painful in a good and a bad way.

Steve22 · ‎25-08-2015

Hey Jack1233, How's things going?

It takes a lot of courage to open up to a girl and tell her how you feel. I totally agree with Raven666, don't try and rush relationships. I've done that in the past, it stuffs things up. Your the Alpha male, you call the shots. Like all Alpha males, you've got to do some evaluating from time to time. If she's been acting all indecisive, giving mixed messages and such, the question is: is she really worth my time?. I'm sure your a busy young man, you've got your priorities to focus on, getting through school, getting things done etc. See how things go bro, don't stress yourself out over her. I know you like this girl, but you've gotta draw the line in the sand. You don't deserve to get stuffed around like this. Why not send a girl, who likes you, a quick message saying hi?. See how that goes, it's up to you, your the boss, I'm sure you'll find success with someone, best of luck!