too alone and withdrawn

[Bodey294]

my anxiety and depression are both holding me back from life and interacting with other people. i don't see any of my old high-school friends because by comparison i know that they're lives are automatically better and awesome and are a typical energetic, curious, always confident post-high-school uni-student or young apprentice . i even avoid my family because i know they wouldn't understand how i feel. i don't want patronising sympathy, i want empathy. i guess i get that from my dad, (being overly stoic) he has a tendency (understatement, actually all the time) to block off emotions and let it build up. its like I'm playing emotional chicken with my dad of who can suppress their emotions the longest. i don't know very much about my dad except that he had a rough childhood himself, growing up to be the man he is now and that has influenced a lot onto me. i guess i cant seem to open up and make new relationships because if i open up ill break down and cry or punch a wall. i feel as well as see socialisation as an obligation not a flowing inherent expression of speech. I've been alone for tool long, inside my own head. there's no linear train of thought, just a over complication of emotional taunting thoughts of anxiety and negativity . also Netflix has done more harm than good.

[Doolhof]

Hi Bodey294,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to the community here. Have you been to talk to a Dr about how you are feeling? It is rather tough dealing with depression and anxiety all by yourself.

There is some great information here on this site that may be of assistance to you. You can also use the phone lines and the webchat to catch up with support workers who can listen to what you have to say and can offer advice.

Have you thought about going somewhere with your Dad and just having an open chat? Even if the chat doesn't work, just spend a little one on one time with him.

Regarding old friends and mates, we never know what is going on in another person's life. Some of those people may be like you and are just too afraid or too proud to admit it.

I recently told a group I am involved in that I have depression and stress and that is why I was recently in hospital. They had no idea I was suffering so badly and a couple of them told me they were having a horrid time with depression as well.

Expressing how you are feeling here on this forum may help you to release some of the emotions you are feeling. People here are supportive and non judgemental.

I find it helps me immensely to share how I am feeling. I have a counsellor I talk to monthly and that is a great benefit. I also have friends whom I share things with and in turn listen to their concerns and issues if they have any.

If you have feelings of built up anger, it is beneficial to find a way to release those feelings so they don't build up and make you feel like you want to explode. Recently I took to a car wreck with a sledge hammer. That worked wonders for me! I don't suggest it for everyone though!

Hope you manage to reach out to others and find some solutions. Please share more of how you are feeling here if you feel comfortable doing so.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools