So tired and fed up of it

[Buzzybeee]

Hi there,

I am 23 years old and I have been officially diagnosed with depression for almost 6 years now but unofficially I know I've experienced it most of my life. I truly cannot remember a time where I was happy or where I didn't experience this horrible thing. That's what I have to call it, this "thing". I have tried medications, psychologists, psychiatrists, everything that's been offered to me and I am so tired of this. 

 Over the past 18 months or so my parents have separated and currently going through an ugly divorce process. And as of Monday, my Father relocated to NZ. I feel even more alone than I did previously and am falling back in the dark place once again. I am so tired of fighting this battle and I know I'm not alone in this but I feel it. I do not feel I can openly talk to any of my family about my actual thoughts because they've got their lives to be getting on with. I have hardly any friends and if anything I self sabotage myself in that regard and push people away because it's easier that way because I don't feel they'd fully understand. 

I am just wanting people to talk to, not professionals as that's never helped me, but other people who suffer from this "thing". I know I'm probably just another story but I am hoping there are some people out there who have tried it all like me, yet still feel like they will never win the battle. 

I really appreciate the time taken to read this. Thank you

[white knight]

Hi Buzzybeee, welcome

The bad news is- you'll never win that battle. The good news is- there are usually some positives in all negatives and you can manage your illness so that black dog is kept at bay.  Positives in depression? who would thin that? Well anybody that has either been a positive thinker all their lives or has undergone the transition from negative thinker to positive resolver will know what I'm talking about. Let's explore this.

Long before I was diagnosed with bipolar 2, dysthymia, anxiety and depression (mania) in 1983 I went to a 30 minute motivation lecture. I left there a changed man. Some articles are included below and you can google them. Have a read-

"Topic: 30 minutes can change your life beyondblue"

So that's a life change and unless you get someone as an enforcer to snap you out of a life of grim turmoil you wont go far with becoming positive.

You can indeed become positive and manage your illness effectively. This is the "realistic" factor as I call it. Realism is important. Many of us with anxiety in particular create scenario's in our head that causes nothing but grief and worry/fear.  When at the end of the day those thoughts don't solidify. Being realistic is a great transition. It in effect declutters your mind and all the stupid thoughts are dumped in a river. Like de-crapping a computer. Then you can embark upon some more positive actions like feeding your brain. google this and have a read-

"Topic: Feeding your brain - beyondblue"

Some of us are chained to the past. Subject bother us and we have little control over that. So what can we do? This is covered in my article you can google-

"Topic: Festering issues or moving on - beyondblue"

Then there are friends and family. How do we manage these people in regards to our lives, sharing our "secret" without walking away? Google this one-

"Topic: prevention is better than cure - beyondblue"

Other articles I've written you might find interesting. Google these-

"Topic: depression is there any positive - beyondblue"

"Topic: Meditation, words of wisdom - it helped me for 25 years beyondblue"

"Topic: meltdown back to basics - beyondblue"

"Topic: controlling your life, how important is it? - beyondblue"

"Topic: boredom the closed door to fun - beyondblue"

"Topic: how to brainwash yourself - beyondblue"

"Topic: what is your defence against your vulnerability? - beyondblue"

Some reading there. Nice to chat.

Tony WK

[_NaturalTalent_]

Hey Buzzy,

You know what the most powerful sentence I read then was? "I am just wanting people to talk to"...

I get what your saying... Isnt it unfortunate that most 'Professionals' have no 'Experience' lol

You feel like another story? Well two things, everybody's story is different in some way no matter how many times it gets told, AND, the more a story gets told the more people who understand.

Everyone's journey is different too, no matter how identical the story.. Everybody chooses different paths when faced with the same issues.

I have tried just about everything too and whenever I get knocked down, I remember, one day I will get back up and everyone will see it. All throughout life there will be people and circumstances that want to or just do knock you down and take what you have. It is inevitable. Think about things you have cried over in the past that you no longer care about now, that you may even laugh at how you behaved..

The fact is we get used to things, we shouldn't have to but we do. We get used to pain. If you broke something as a kid you got upset, if you broke the same thing today, you'd either be angry or amused.

A big thing about pain and your reaction to it is shock, as a kid if something hit/hurt you out of nowhere the shock made you scream, now a days you'd jump a little and be like what the hell man...

My point is everything you go through makes you stronger and wiser, what bothers you now will ease and the same situations wont effect you the same way in the future, or you will get over them, so to say, quicker..

Trust me I know its not all as easy as that, im talking from experience not from the heart, my heart wants to say im giving up on life again right now because of what im going through and that's why ive taken the time to reply to you, but my head and my experience wants you to take on what sits in the back of my mind and doesn't let me give up, atleast not entirely..

Theres always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to trust, that it is NOT the headlamp of an oncoming train! Yay humour 🙂 But you get my point.

Hang in there, find what brings you joy or release at the moment and stick your head in it for a bit.

If your parents drag you into their situation, I know its hard I wasn't able to do it, but try to make them leave you out of it. Blatantly tell them "You dragging me into it is hurting me keep it to yourselves"

And come back here to talk as often as you need to!!

[Blue67]

Dear Buzzybeee 

To read that you have been diagnosed with depression for 6 years (as well as having it before then as well) and you are still hear and seeking help, makes me have hope! I am 17 and I was diagnosed with depression 2 years ago and its been the longest 2 years of my life! Listening to your story showed me there are strong people out there fighting different battles with the same enemy! Thank you for giving me hope! I'm sorry I wasn't helpful but you helped me! I hope everything will get better because I believe everyone is here for a reason! Stay strong! 🙂