so lonely and unhappy

[tetra]

hey so I'm new here, but for the last 6 or so months I just feel so alone and lost. I have never really had many friends as growing up I was never allowed socialise outside of school and I guess I just get so anxious when I am asked to hang out that I always just bail. I'm at uni and my friend and I live together but ever since he got a girlfriend he completely shuts me out and ignores me unless she's not around. I dont know what to do, as I constantly feel so unhappy with life and have no one to talk to. My parents were very strict on me growing up and it was always a 'tough love' situation and i dont know if i can talk to them about anything. I just dont know what to do, and it so depressing as I just want one person that I can talk to, but I don't even have that.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the forums, tetra, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be really hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage. We're sorry to hear that you're feeling lonely and unhappy. It sounds like you have a lot of offer people, and we are sure that a lot of our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will be able to offer you words of advice.

If you are interested, we would also recommend getting in touch with an organisation called Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage.

You might also like to talk through these feelings with the friendly counsellors at Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and can be contacted 24/7 via phone (1800 55 1800) or through webchat here: https://www.kidshelpline.com.au

Please feel free to reach out here on your thread and keep us updated on what you're feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Aphador]

Hey Tetra 🙂

Welcome to the forums 🙂 Thank you for having the courage to share. If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, I will make sure I continue to check this thread :). I hope that you are comfortable enough to share here!

That sucks that this is happening. It's unfortunate that your friend does this, and you feel like you can't talk to him. Unfortunately, this seems to be the case with a lot of relationships with people our age.

For now, I would recommend seeing a counsellor. Most universities offer free counselling services with 6-10 sessions per year. I recommend the counselling sessions to everyone, even if they are not feeling any stress- simply because I think it is that beneficial. A counsellor can offer you another human to interact with and can provide you with a plan of action to begin the reversal of these negative feelings. In the past, university counsellors have helped me immensely, and I still see one currently.

In the meantime, do you have any hobbies that you enjoy doing? Usually, in periods like this (especially if it is university holidays), I like to distract myself with things I enjoy doing.

Finally, as a starting point to combat social anxiety, I would highly recommend the mindfulness resources on the front page of the Beyond Blue website. I suffered from pretty bad social anxiety in the past, and mindfulness is how I cope.

I hope this has been helpful, and I would love to hear thoughts! (if you feel like it)

Nice to meet you 🙂
Aphador 🙂

[tetra]

Thank you so much for the replied. I've always thought about going to the university counselor but I guess I've just felt too scared to.
I guess my hobbies are reading, going for a run or going for a coffee but I just haven't felt motivated at all to get into any of them lately

[Aphador]

That is completely understandable Tetra. There tends to be a kind of negative stigma around seeking help. However, so many people have even small issues that could be alleviated by seeking this help! I say this, but there are actually a lot of students (at least at my uni) who go to the student counsellor- it's just that they don't state it publicly.

I would highly suggest making an appointment- google: "(your university name) counselling," and the website should pop up. In the first session, you will tell the counsellor a bit about yourself, so that they can judge how frequently appointments should be and to understand you as a person. Ideally, you would be completely transparent with them, however understandably, since it is a stranger, you may find this difficult. Luckily, they tend to be incredibly compassionate and understanding people that will move at whatever pace you feel comfortable. Is there anything in particular that you are scared of?

One of my big hobbies is reading too! I have read a lot of fiction books in the past (high fantasy, adventure type books), however more recently I have been enjoying non-fiction. What kinds of books do you like?

[tetra]

I guess I just find it hard to open up to anyone at all. Never felt comfortable doing it even as a kid as the only response I'd get would be too just suck it up.

Yeah, most of what I read is sci-fi/fantasy. Finished all of Game of Thrones end of last year and since then I've been working through some of Robin Hobb's trilogies

[P0L0]

Hi Tetra,

I can relate to you in that I find it very difficult to open up to people too. We carry what we learnt as children into adulthood and it stay with us for a long time, but it doesn't have to be permanent. All you have to do is take small in opening up to people. We often don't like opening up because we do not trust the other person. To overcome this barrier, we must first acknowledge this and try to learnt to trust people again. This may not be the case for you, but it was for me, and I definitely learned that I had some trust issues.

Therefore, to deal with this, you may find that the solution is to just keep trying.

You got this!

[Aphador]

Ohh yeah, I read some of GoT when I was younger! (Mum bought me the first book when I was 12, unaware of what it was about :O) Might be a bit controversial, but I liked the TV show also 😉

I haven't read the Hobbs trilogy, but they seem precisely like the kind of books I would like (I was just reading about the Farseer Trilogy). I am slowly making my way through the Dune trilogy in preparation for the movie at the end of the year. Although I practice mindfulness a lot, sometimes I enjoy the escape from reality that these stories provide 🙂

Have you been going running recently?

I 100% agree with P0L0. Counsellors do not expect people to be open in the very first meeting- that might even be a little weird. In becoming comfortable with talking to someone, we feel more comfortable opening up (little by little) and expressing ourselves. With the university counsellors, we get many free sessions for the year! That means for the rest of this year; you could nearly have a meeting every two weeks, which could accelerate this process for you.

I mentioned the stigma around seeking help, which seems like it is relevant in your situation.

It is hard to work through things in our life that bother us by ourselves. Humans are social beings- we are designed to work through our problems with others. You have already completed a significant step- being that you have acknowledged your feelings and communicated them here. The sooner we begin the healing process, the sooner we will be healed. No one except yourself and your counsellor will know that you have gone to the appointment- patient-client privilege means that you can keep your appointments 100% private from your parents.

I believe in you Tetra! I know that you have so much to offer as a person. I want you to become the best possible person that you can be.
Aphador 🙂

[Bini7]

Hi tetra...i am also by my self.I also have limited friends but not real friends. Also i am not someone who can share everything to my parents.So i am also looking for someone to talk to☺️

[tetra]

I've seen that Dune trilogy around, might have to give it a read.

And no, I haven't been running much lately. Just haven't felt motivated - and even more so as it exams right now at uni