scared of not having enough fun while being a teenager

[sagelovet]

i see other people and i want to be like them, the people having the time of their lives. but i'm always feeling awful and it's like i'm always angry at nothing? i can't even explain it. when my friends are talking at school i don't join conversation sometimes because i feel as if everything they're saying is stupid, when it really isn't. i disagree and use a lot of sarcasm at them which has caused me to lose friends and right now if making me slowly drift apart from people. it frustrates me because i want to change so badly but i can't. i can't stop being difficult and hate my friends for the things they say. sometimes i think i need new friends but i've thought that for my whole life and that has caused me to change friend groups constantly and im still not happy. have i just not found the right friends yet or am i the difficult one?

i am also very very afraid of growing old and not being a teenager anymore. im 16, almost 17 and all i want to do is have fun but im not. i feel like my teenage years are being wasted because i cant have fun all the time. i always say next year i will have fun but it never happens. the thing is though, i love life but im afraid im not spending as much time having a fun as i should be like the others...

i dont know, maybe im being dramatic

[Zeal]

Hey sagelovet,

Welcome to the forum!

I didn't have typical teenage fun when I was a teenager myself. I've had OCD/anxiety from the age of 13, and I had low self-esteem until I was about 20. I am now 23, and I have found peace with myself, as cliqued as that sounds. Growing older concerned me too, until I realised that I am enjoying my life more now than I did as a teenager, and that not having typical teen experiences wasn't negative. I rarely went to parties, I never drank alcohol, didn't have a boyfriend, and also didn't go on trips with friends.

Not drinking back then is something I am thankful for, as the non-drinking has extended up until now. The medication I started taking at 19 might not work properly if I consume alcohol. By not drinking, I also improve my health somewhat, save money, avoid embarrassing myself etc. I have been in a great relationship with my boyfriend now for 1.5 years. This is my second-ever relationship, and it doesn't matter that I didn't date in high school, because I'm now with someone I want to be with long-term.

I thought I'd just give a backstory - back to you now though!

When you are unhappy with your own situation, believing that others are happier and better off can make you feel worse. What may look like a great and fun life isn't necessarily. I'm not saying that some people aren't genuinely happy in life, but that many people have insecurities and worries that you wouldn't know about. I don't mean to compare your situation to others. I just wanted to say a few things I wish I was more aware of when I was younger.

Talking to someone about the frustration you're feeling is important. Without talking it through, you won't get to the core of the issue/s. I recommend seeing your school counsellor. Helplines are also great sources of support. Beyondblue's 24/7 helpline is on 1300 22 4636, and Kids Helpline (5-25 year olds) is on 1800 55 1800.

If you would like to talk further about what's concerning you, post back here whenever you like. It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[sagelovet]

Wow thank you so much, Zeal. I wasn't expecting such a detailed and helpful reply, or even a reply at all to be honest so thank you so much! Your perspective and story really helped me in seeing that I might not be the only one feeling like this, im also very glad to hear that you're having a better time now than you did back then, I'm happy for you and your relationship and I hope happiness blossoms even more. You mentioned that thinking other people are having a better time can make it worse so starting right now I'm going to try and not compare myself to others (something I am terrible at so I'll have to work on it!) thanks for sharing what you wish you were more aware of when you were younger and I hope you have a great day 🙂 just know that you really helped me! X

[Zeal]

Hi sagelovet,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply! Hearing that my post has helped you makes me happy. I want to work as a Counsellor, as giving other people mental health advice is something I really enjoy and feel passionate about. Finding something (even if it seems small) that you are passionate about is amazingly helpful in terms of self-esteem and happiness. It took me until my early twenties to find my passion, but I don't regret not finding it earlier.

I really appreciate your good wishes, and I hope that you can start to enjoy being who you are. Family support is crucial. My parents have always been a great source of support, and I do not know whether I could be as happy and healthy as I am now without their unconditional belief in me. Even if you are close to only one family member, this is still great.

Best wishes,

Zeal