Recently left job, got broken up with and stressed with grades

[Sally1999]

Hey all,

I’m 21 and it’s currently 7 am and I haven’t slept as I’ve been crying for the whole day… I left my job at the start of the month because I couldn’t balance a full time study load with full time work. I felt so guilty as during the pandemic it seems like the worst thing to do - I’ve been feeling super stressed trying to find other jobs at this time and feel like such a failure 😞 I have not been unemployed since I’ve come out of high school and I feel so lost… my grades were not the best while I was working which is why I thought to stop working and focus on studying but during lockdown every day seems so hard, I’m constantly tired even though I don’t do much in my day, I have constant head aches and nights where all I do is stay up and cry.

My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me today as I told him I wasn’t okay with him talking to a girl and would feel more comfortable if he just had blocked her. He has previously cheated on me 2 years ago and I don’t feel comfy with him talking to girls like that anymore… she was sending him screenshots of her dms and all. He told me I was being a psycho and a weird overreactor which is why he previously felt the need to delete conversations even though I don’t check his phone or ask for his passwords. I feel completely hopeless, I feel like I am a psycho and toxic and I just don’t know what my purpose in life is anymore. I have so many exams coming up and I feel super stressed and that I won’t be able to achieve the marks that I want. This month I have not felt happy at all even though I may have had glimpses of it. I know I need to take care of myself and do better but it’s so hard to, even when I’m awake I feel disconnected to everything as if I’m not living in my own body and experiencing my own emotions. Everyone seems to be talking about their future goals and ambitions while it’s so hard for me to get by each day, I honestly feel like I’m a waste to this world and maybe I am victimising myself as my bf says or just idk. I just wanted to come on here and say my thoughts because I genuinely don’t have anyone to talk to and I really don’t want to burden my friends and family with this, or let them know I’m not okay. I think I should definitely seek a therapist but I’m so scared to do so! I feel guilty because I haven’t faced any traumatic experiences yet I am still in this thick bubble of sadness. I honestly wouldn’t know what to talk about or how to start? Sighs.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Sally1999,

Welcome to our forums, it's good to see you feeling comfortable posting here and sharing your feelings. It sounds like you're in the middle of a really overwhelming period, on top of the really overwhelming situation of lockdown that we're all experiencing. That's so much to have on your shoulders, and having a space to express it and get support is really important,

I hope you'll find a lot of people can relate to your feelings, and help you feel less alone while in the middle of all this stress. Our brains often make us feel totally responsible for everything we're facing, often too much so, and don't let us step back and recognise that things can be difficult without them being our fault.

You're welcome to keep sharing here in our little community, but if you want a little more support at any point please don't hesitate to reach out to our phone and online chat lines, at:
Beyondblue Support Service 1300 22 4636
https://online.beyondblue.org.au/#/chat/start (1pm-12am)
 

[Petal22]

Hi Sally1999,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im so sorry you are feeling this way..

I can understand why you stopped working to focus on your studies….. studying can be full time on its own sometimes..

Im sorry your boyfriend broke up with you, if your boyfriend had your best interests at heart he would have tried to understand were you were coming from….. I’m sorry he reacted in the way he did…..please don’t internalise what he said to you….. that was really insensitive….. your a wonderful beautiful worthy person and you have a wonderful future ahead of you… the best is yet to come…..

Please talk to yourself as you would to someone you love.

Stress and anxiety can make us feel distressed if you feel distressed please make an appointment with your gp and discuss how you are feeling you could do a mental health together this will enable you to a psychologist….please don’t be afraid to reach out for help our health professionals are here to help us…. I was scared aswell the first time I saw a psychologist I thought they would think I was crazy but it was the opposite they really wanted to help me get better…..

Please talk to your parents about the way you are feeling I’m sure they would want to support you…… even a close friend….

Try to slow down your breathing and please be kind to yourself……..

I understand that you worry about your marks but your mental health comes first……. everything will be ok just breathe..

I’m here to chat 😊

[sbella02]

Sally1999,

It's heartbreaking to hear that you're going through this. I can see that others have already offered you valuable advice, and I'm here to build on this by offering my own.

The first thing I'd like to say is that unemployment does not equal failure. You're not alone in this - I quit my job during the pandemic too because I simply wasn't enjoying it and felt as if I deserved to be treated better. Think about it this way - your job didn't fit in with your lifestyle, and that's okay. Have patience and persistence, and you'll find the right job soon enough.

I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup. There's nothing to feel guilty about - even if you don't believe that your experience fits the descriptions of trauma that you may be used to, different experiences affect us in different ways, and your feelings about this situation are completely valid. You should also never feel guilty about setting standards and boundaries. It sounds to me like he was gaslighting you, calling you a "psycho" and an "overreactor". There's an old saying that "you have nothing to fear if you have nothing to hide", so deleting text his conversations doesn't make sense unless he's trying to cover up something, like a conversation with another woman. This is not at all your fault. If you look at it this way, you're now out of a toxic relationship where your feelings aren't being respected or heard.

You may find value in seeing a therapist or psychologist and discussing your feelings. Sometimes it can feel great to just get some things off your chest, or talk to somebody who will listen to you. As somebody who was initially scared to see someone, I have no regrets about my decision to seek help.

Please don't feel like you're a waste to this world, or that you're victimising yourself! I know so many people in university who still don't know where they want to end up after they've finished their studies, so there's absolutely no pressure, and not knowing doesn't make you any less valuable than people who do have some kind of plan. Plans change anyway, that's the nature of life. You will always be enough, and there is always somebody in this world who cares about you and will look out for you, like the people on this forum. We're here for you 🙂

All the best, SB

[Calbue]

Hi SB,

I read your reply to Sally1999 and thought you had some really kind words. I too feel a but lost like Sally1999. I've been at university for an embarrassing 6 years and am still not done. I changed my degree 3 times now and have been trying to commit to finishing my current one. I try not beat myself up for my decisions but its hard when I can't complete my degree when all my friends have finished years ago. And to top it off, I feel like such a failure because I want to give up on this degree as I've realised that its not something I want to do. But I only have 2 subjects left so to quit now would be ludicrous...

I guess it has been causing me some anxiety for a while now, to the point where I dont know if I can pass my subjects. The thought of failure scares me, especially when I am this close to finishing.... and if I fail, then what? Will I use it as an excuse to truly give up on my degree and find some mundane job....

I'm not really good at putting my thoughts into words, so I hope I make sense. There's just this heavy feeling in my chest that won't go away. I can't help but wonder what's the point of studying anyway.... we're in lockdown, who knows when it will end? it would almost be impossible to get a job in the degree I'm currently studying so what's the point? I'm trying to be hopeful, and change my mindset but its hard when things look so bleak.

[Sally1999]

Hi,

Thank you so much for your response, at nights when I feel anxious I always look back at this thread and feel a little more relaxed! Thank you, your words mean a lot to me.

[sbella02]

Calbue,

My apologies for the delay in getting back to you.

It's okay to change degrees - I have friends who started in one, found out that they hated it, and changed to a different one. Adulthood is one big time of experimentation, and finding your way in the world. So it's okay to try and navigate a few different career paths before you find one that you gel with. There are even people in my course who have been in a career for years, even decades, and have come back to try something new or have a complete change of career. After all, the point of university is to learn, including learning about yourself and what you do and don't like.

What are your hobbies or interests? What are the subjects you liked in school? Do any of them peak your interest now? Another helpful tip that I got from a Ted Talk is to pursue something that you like being good at: something that you like to do, and that you excel at. I know this is much easier said than done, but it's just another way to think about it.

You could always seek out a careers counsellor, or even a psychologist or therapist, just to talk about your worries and concerns with regards to studying. Sometimes it can be useful just to get some things off your chest, or even vocalise things that you've internalised for a long time.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best with your studies! I hope you find something that you truly love.

Kind regards, SB