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PTSD and Anorexia Nerosia

Buffy101
Community Member

 Hello this is my first post here

I have recently just over come a pretty bad eating disorder which began almost a year and a half ago. Although I still find it difficult to think of other things than food, Im trying to take steps to move on. I would like to start at the beginning if that's okay?It began with a simple diet, wanting to loose weight and overall just wanting to eat healthy. One thing I have released is that I have a very compulsive nature, pretty sure Im a strong type A personality, stressed, ocd about things. So eventually this food thing it consumed my life. And as i slowly cut down the calories and the fat, I became weak and frail, but I did not know? See this is very hard to explain but with eating disorders it releases a chemical which is almost like a high ( I found this out later btw) and this high is created when a person doesn't eat. I found it was the constant reduction of meals that left me tired. Of course my parents were concerned and I think people around me were, yet I never picked up on what was happening? I just assumed I was being "healthy". I do Gymnastics also and I remember this one moment looking into the mirror and seeing this frail, girl and I realized that was me? It really was astounding, that It could happen to me, because a year ago I would have had no concept or even any idea how someone can neglect food?

I would like to add the level of loneliness one has with this illness and strive for perfection. It almost killed me. So as the year went on, I kept less and less, my personality almost disappeared and my relationships surely disintegrated. I have learnt now that my friends weren't equipped with the knowledge to deal with my illness, some at gym would rave about how they loved to eat all the time. While I felt trapped and desperate for some kind of help. I have always been insecure and felt as thought people were looking at me, but I realized people were looking at me this time and that made it all feel so so much worse.

I'd like to give some other information about the illness, I read that the brain produces serotonin and when this illness strikes serotonin is produced less this causes depression in some people following the illness. It also causes the brain to deplete as their is not enough nourishment and nutrition for it. Basically it just effects you mentally and physically. last year i tried to get help from my parents and they basically said it wasn't an illness and that I was just growing up?

7 Replies 7

AGrace
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Buffy101,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us. I too suffered from anorexia and recovered about 12 years ago, so I know the grip that the illness can have on you. No doubt there are others here who have also had experience with eating disorders, so it's great that you've had the courage to share your story and some of the lesser known facts about the illness. You mentioned at the start of your post that you have just recovered. What did recovery look like for you? Are you still getting support with understanding healthy eating choices?

You also mentioned PTSD in your thread title. Was this as a result of the anorexia or was it one of the contributing factors? Have you managed to get some support around this too? You also commented on being a gymnast, are you still engaged with this? It's a sport that requires a lot of discipline both physically and mentally, and I've met others who have developed OCD traits as a result of this.

I can empathise with your parents, however the most important thing is that you have learned that this IS an illness, regardless of what others think or assume.

I look forward to hearing more from you.

AGrace

gmc
Community Member

Hello Buffy101 and welcome to the forums. Thanks for having the courage of sharing your story, every one more story we all share help others that visit us to see they are not alone. And none if us is alone in our illness. I can see the loneliness you feel from your words. It's the loneliness I felt too from being depressed.I felt so alone, so desintegrated, so sad, that I could just focus more on my problems. When my therapy and my medication began, I started feeling that I was just special. I have this illness and this is my burgain and I will get over this. It's not easy, I know, but I can see you are an open minded person and ready to talk to people about yourself and this is great, it means you just have to find the right people that can help you. So my advice to you, dear Buffy, is that you keep going on with your treatments, or if you didn't start, find some professionals and enjoy the great moments in your recovery, because by accepting this is an illness and by reaching for help, you have made the right steps in your recovery.

Keep us posted, dear 🙂

Buffy101
Community Member

thankyou all for your kind words, Yes I am currently seeking help from a professional. So far I have found talking to people has been the best cure. I quit gym at the end of last year, on the account I had my year 12 exams.AGrace I was wondering you said you had this illness 12 yearsago? of which you have recovered from. Did you find recovery difficult and how do you feel now about yourself?

thanks again people, you are all wonderful xx

AGrace
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Yes, recovery was very difficult. I had to make a choice to get better. The medication I took helped me gain weight so I ended up being a healthy size 8-10. I still struggle with body image. I am now slightly overweight as I had to take medication over the last 12 months for BPD which also caused weight gain. It's a challenge not to slip back into old habits. So much of me understands that if I restrict eating then I can lose the weight easily, but I've also learned that this is not the path to take long term.

I always voice with my Psychologist and Psychiatrist when I'm having urges to control eating. It helps to be able to put it into words and to remind myself of the difficulty I went through whilst suffering from anorexia.

I've spent a lot of time working on self esteem in group therapy and I now truly believe people love me for who I am and not what I look like. I also like who I am now - and this was a huge step that didn't happen overnight.

fifoman
Community Member

hi buffy101,

try a natural product,from the health shop which contains a nutrient called samE.

i found it extremely helpful in managing moods,but its not cheap!

Buffy101
Community Member
Thanks!! yeah I'll try that, as long as it is not prescription or anything 

gmc
Community Member

Hello Buffy,

How are you feeling?

gmc