problems with my parents.

[oldmatecam]

gday everyone, my name is cameron and im looking for some advise.

my parents split when i was 7 and ive been going between their houses since.

my mum has pretty much no money and my dad has just over average wages.

im 16 and have up till now been fine with swapping between each house fortnightly but my mum has made the choice to move to western Australia. that means im going to have to pick a house to live in permanently. 

now for the last few months mum and i have been fighting a lot and I've had to stay at dads because when ever i see her my mod goes right down to a depression level ( i havent been diagnosed with depression though) so i havent seen her as of late.

if i go to mums house i will get a start at a new life in WA and would be able to move into my own flat and if i move to dads ill be able to keep my job and stay near my mates and help them out with stuff and stay in the same school. 

now theres too much crap going on on top of all that, that i cant fit into this.

so i was wondering if anyone on here has had to pick a parent to live with full time and if you could tell me how you went about it and if you could offer any systems or something to make it easier.

thanks

[white knight]

Hi oldmancam, welcome here.

Studying your post I'm concerned that your mum chose to move to WA when she isn't very financial. If you chose to remain with your dad does she expect you to finance the flights to and from WA to visit her or does she expect your dad to pay for them? It is her that chooses to move...I hope she has thought of the expence of paying for you to see her.

As you have a job and your friends here my thoughts are you should remain with your dad. Your mum might come back?

Cheers. And a well written post.

Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Cameron, hi and it's great to be able to talk with you.

When you have been with your mum there seems to be arguments so you end up staying with your dad, which I presume that you and him get on much better, so really I can't see why you would want to move to WA, lose all your mates and have to start with another school, there are too many variables in doing this, that is too much will change and you're not even sure whether you will like it over there.

It's a totally different situation if you go over with your mum and personally I would suggest that you stay with your dad and keep your mates, school and familiar territory.

When you move to somewhere else it's an enormous upheaval, and being 16 it would be much better staying where you are. Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey oldmatecam,

Welcome to BeyondBlue and thanks for reaching out.

I have to kind of disagree with the others. I don't reckon that I can make the decision for you. It's so tough and I don't envy you - having to 'pick a parent' is a pretty rough situation to be in.

My parents split up for a while and then they got back together and it wasn't the same as you but I still had to make the decision and one thing that helped me was making a list.  Sometimes it can be hard trying to think of what to do especially when it's all in your head so get it out - on paper if you can or type it up and then delete it later.  For me, I wrote down all the reasons I wanted to go with my mum and if I didn't why not, and then a list of all the reasons I wanted to go with my dad and if I didn't, why not.

If you can, try and think of the bigger picture - like where you want to be a little bit down the track - do you want to get a job up in WA?  Do you know what you want to do after school? 

Things like finances and friends are big factors but they can also change pretty easily.  Just because your mum is stressed and struggling with money now doesn't mean that's how it's gonna be.  I'm sure your parents would be under a fair bit of stress so try and put that to the back of your mind if you can (even though I know it's tricky).

Hope this helps a little 🙂

Good luck

[Narniakid]

Hey oldmatecam, welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing with us!

It's definitely wise to not only consider your values right now, but also down the track. How are you going at school right now, are your grades good and you get along well with you teachers? Do you enjoy your current job and would like to perhaps take it further? Have you thought about what you'd like to do after school - study at a local university? Get a job locally? It comes down to your environmental values now, and what WA potentially has to offer. If you, for example, would love to work in the mining industry after school, then perhaps consider moving with your mother, or moving there once your schooling is finished. I agree with romantic_thi3f and I suggest writing a list of pros and cons for each place and for the present and the future.

My parents got divorced when I was about 7, and I stayed with my mother as it was more ideal in terms of my education and financially, however I still kept close contact with my father, who lived a few hours away and caught up with him every weekend or every fortnight. 

Whatever your decision, make sure you're deciding for yourself and your own happiness, not the happiness of your parents or your school or other family. This is your choice and you need to have your best interests at heart, and whatever you choose, I am sure your family will work with it, as did mine.

Crystal

[Steve22]

Hey Cam, welcome to the forum

I can definitely relate to you mate, my parents split up when I was really young. I spent the majority of my childhood with my mum, spending time with my father every so often. Due to a long story, I've taken action and no longer speak to my father, for a variety of reasons. Hows things with your dad?, If you get along just fine with him, you might be better off staying with him, getting through school, hanging out with the lads and so on. From my experience, I've found that only dealing with one parent makes life a bit easier. Sometimes in life, we have to make tough decisions, unfortunately there's no avoiding them. The key is to think ahead and to think in a strategic manner. Best of luck bro, remember, we're all here to help you

[morgs29]

Hi oldmatecam,

Thanks so much for reaching out to us over here. I'm so sorry to hear how torn you feel between your mum and dad. I can't say I've had this exact thing happen to me, so any advice I give you will be from a purely observational point of view.

I think what's most important is that you make the decision based on what feels right for you. Weighing up the pro's and con's can be a great way to do this. It sounds to me like if you left for WA, there's not a whole lot there waiting for you. This could be what you want, but it sounds as though you are leaving a lot behind here that you may not want to (your job and your mates). I'm also concerned about what your situation would look like if you left for WA, as you say your mum doesn't have an income. Will she be able to support you?

Remember that whatever choice you make will have ripple effects, and that's completely normal and okay. Every decision we make will affect someone else. What's important is that we are making decisions based on what's best for our happiness and our safety. I'm sure your mum and dad will in time understand why you make the choice you do. You're in a really difficult position, but if you let them know why you are making your choice - it will help them to see your point of view and empathise with what you're going through.

Take care, good luck and remember you can reach out to us here at anytime.

Morgan

[CeceDrake]

Hey Cameron, my name is Hannah and i am 15

i have been having trouble with my parents too. My mum and dad split up before i was born and i have been staying at my mums, but visiting my dads fortnightly for the weekends, and on thursday nights. my dad lives really far away from my school, and my mums house. i need to make a choice as well. i dont want to live at my dads permanently because that will mean changing school and i find it hard to deal with my dad. my mums house is the stricter one. i feel like i am forced into everything from my mums. i dont know what to do or how i would do it. your post has made me realise i am not the only one in a situation like this and it has helped me to speak up and ask someone for help. 

thanks.