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Post breakup anxiety coping mechanisms

Outback_Jack
Community Member

I've had depression and anxiety since I was about 18. Particularly around the age of 19 it was really terrible, these days it's alright, fairly manageable, it's just when I get an attack that things get bad. It's usually relationships that bring on an attack. I met this girl at camp a few weeks ago, we went to a party recently and saw each other, liked each other quite a lot and so we started a short, open relationship. It was intense and affectionate, we instantly discussed dating. We spent a lot of time together over the next few days and then she told me it was over. No possibility of anything more. It was jarring news and I instantly got an anxiety attack, however the worst attack was today, I was distressed, in tears and angry.

 

The only thing that my irrational mind could think to do was to message her, ask her what to do, hint at possibilities to see each other, be friends or whatever, and it was so stupid of me. When I get irrational, stupid, frantic, messaging girls saying stupid things, how do I cope? More accurately I'm asking how NOT to do those things, I need really solid techniques to stop myself from acting like a psychotic moron.

4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi OJ welcome

Been there done that is the saying

My best advice is-

Acknowledge your emotions run your mind and they shouldn't. As you know acting hard to get tends to get the girl (don't know why)...chase them and they run away.

Accept that maturity in males takes longer. Doing so called silly things and saying silly things is all a part of it.

Remember that the right girl for you isn't the one that rejects you. The right one, as much as you might well like her isn't the one if she has any reason not to date you.

A girl often might not ell you the reason or the truthful reason she wont want you. It could be that she was waiting for another guy to date her and you were a fill in and so on.

I'm 60yo. I realised long ago that my emotional immaturity took till I was well into my 30's before I was man like. Crying is nothing to feel ashamed of. Also anxiety can and often does lead to depression and that in itself is an emotional roller coaster.

So it is really important you go to your GP and tell him where you are at.

Google- "Topic: is crying bad for you- beyondblue"

Topic: depression and sensitivity a connection- beyondblue

Google dysthymia. In short do a lot of reading on your symptoms to.

Tony WK

JaneyP
Community Member

Hello Outback Jack,

I found myself in oh such a familiar situation as this about 2 years ago.

My boyfriend of four years and I split up and I had no possible clue of how to cope with it. I wish I could tell you that I knew now but I still don't. What I do have to say is that you should surround yourself with friends and family and keep positive. Don't keep it on your mind because it'll stick with you for longer and you don't want that.

Although this girl ended things, there are many more women out there just waiting for you to find them.

We are young, and although relationships are probably the main source of anxiety, it shouldn't be.

Let yourself feel sad, let yourself cry, let yourself feel emotions but know that you can get past it, and know that it doesn't define who you are.

Much Love, Janey x

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi janeyP

What a great reply!!!

Tony WK

Outback_Jack
Community Member
Thanks for your replies guys, I think I'm past the worst of it, it was definitely helpful to read your comments :).