Parents are too strict and won't listen to me

[Youreweird]

Hi everyone, just a little context; I'm 15 and I'm the oldest sibling of 3, and I live with my mum and her partner (not my dad). I'm just finishing yr 10 and plan on going to uni which I'm working towards rn aswell.

My mum and her partner are really harsh on the kids in my family, and I feel like especially me. She is always setting rules and boundaries that I think are completely out of line and are really unreasonable. It's too much for me to handle and I don't know what to do because they just take everything away from me because they think it's the right thing to do. I already get my devices taken off of me every night after dinner, even if I have homework or an assignment to finish and they often confiscate them for days at a time. I'm not allowed to talk to my friends most of the time and most nights I end up crying in my room because they get angry and say really mean stuff to me (e.g. make points regarding me being a failure, eating disorders, fat shaming, cussing at me etc.), and I don't have anyone to talk to. They keep on insisting that I am a horrible kid and need to be grounded all of the time. I am a really good student and work hard all the time, and I also participate in activities outside of school that all important and they have stopped me going to them too. So far they have written a 3 page "contract" that has a bunch of really unfair rules and made me sign it (if I didn't then I wouldn't be allowed my phone or see any of my friends outside of school ever). They recently grounded me for a month and won't tell me why, and also took my bedroom door off it hinges because "they haven't got anything else to take but my privacy". They've given me a long list of things to do so I can get my door put back on but I'm struggling and I don't believe that any of this is the right thing to do. I've tried talking to them before about how I think their rules are too strict and unrealistic but they keep ignoring me and won't respect my opinion. They also plan on getting a family control app which gives them access to everything on my phone and I dont know what to do because I feel kind of violated by the way they keep taking away my freedom and privacy. And im not trying to make excuses but I am definitely not the worst behaved kid, and I do not think that I deserve the punishment they've given me. I'm so done with all the crap they dish out and I don't want to be feeling hurt or violated by my own family or crying all the time. Any help? Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Hey You're weird,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We're so sorry to hear what you've been going through, and can hear how upsetting it must be to be treated this way by your family.  Please know that these forums are a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

We'd also really urge you to reach out to our friends at Kids Helpline, which is a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.  The kind counsellors are there for you 24/7 through phone (1800 55 1800) as well as online chat: https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

You're not alone in this, and we hope that you keep updating us on how you are going, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Croix]

Dear You're weird~

I don't think it is you who is weird, but your stepfather and mother.

There are basically 2 ways to try to bring up kids, the first is to use love, friendship and have reasonable boundaries explained. Praise your achievements, encourage your goals and make you enjoy life and being with them and the rest of your family.

The other is to run a prison camp -your situation.

Its a fact, at 15 years you like all other teens will have different likes and dislikes to your parents and will do things they think are inadvisable. That's to be expected, it is normal.

True there are some things that go beyond this , drugs being an obvious one. Then the parent's problem is to stop the source and need, be it peer pressure, lack of cash, or being miserable without. Than could involve a search, but wiht you part of it and seeing the need for it. Cooperaton.

You do need privacy, anyone does, and you do need the chance to grow until you can face problems in life competently. Sometime that means parents have to stand back and watch those mistakes being made (a hard job to see someone you love endure hassles))

Your parents (yes I know only one is a real parent) are way beyond this into the area of cruelty. Explaining how to use a phone and social media is a good way to go, a blanket ban or removing the phone is counter-productive. How will you learn to deal wiht things if you have not met them?

Kids should be able to trust their parents, for love, for the necessities of life, advice and comfort when things go wrong.

Parents have to learn to trust their kids, if not the kids will grow up feeling they are untrustworthy, not good people.

Even if you do something very wrong (I"m not suggesting you have) then goal warden behavior is not the answer.

I'm sorry you are stuck in this situation, Sophie_M will try to help, and has given good links already.

I's also consider talking to at school , an adult you get on well with and might help.

How do your younger sisters get on? Do they have the same harsh treatment?

Croix

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