Overwhelmed with friends and school

[Guest_74386125]

Hey guys 🙂 

I'm kinda new to this so if I'm doing anything wrong please lmk 😭

Lately I've been feeling really unhappy in general and overwhelmed and I feel like it might be because of my friends. 

I've known my friends were 1-2 years now, and we also know how to have a good laugh - but it gets really horrible when it comes to schoolwork. Whenever we do projects together, I always end up doing all of their work the night before its due date, even after repeatedly asking them to contribute.

When I ask them to do their part of the project, they always reply saying "Yep, sure I'll get on it." But they never even join the google document, and I see them just chatting on instagram. 

On top of this, because everyone has their own friend groups at school in their respective classes, it's really hard to try get into another group of people who would actually help and try do the work. 

My friends repeatedly apologise for not doing the work after every project and when I bring the issue up, saying that I 'carry them all the time'. This just makes me feel more horrible about myself, because it's like my only value as their friend is to do the work for them. 

For a few weeks now, I've just felt such a hatred towards them - and I've also just been randomly crying from places like my desk at home, to cafes during the weekend. And in general, I've been feeling really unhappy, stressed, lost and unmotivated. 

I've also just felt like I have no one to talk to. I always have to come to school with a smile because that's what everyone knows me as. The person who always knows what to do and the person who is always free of stress. 

I guess all I'm asking is for any advice on how to handle this? I know this might not really be relevant to this forum, but any help on how to handle this problem to being able to conquer these feelings of stress will be appreciated :). 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

Welcome here, you are doing everything right. I understand what you have been going through becuse I have had exactly the same thing myself.

When I had to do group study projects I hated it becuse like you it was left up to me. Maybe I have a stronger desire ot get it right and htat motivated me to do hte work. What is worse is that if I did it once, that would encourage others to leave it all to me next time.

This left me with a decision to make: go on strike and do nothing, or just a small proportion; put in all the work and sign it as being all my own; or letting the others take credit they did not deserve. Actually either way it distanced me from the others in my group

I'm not in the least surprised you have become upset and discouraged. If you are treated like a doormat you feel squashed:( It also points out that they are not friends, which is upsetting too.

I did go and see one particularly friendly lecturer and explained. He arranged for another good worker to join my group, then there were two of us working together, a much better expereince, particularly as it motivated the rest to do some work.

I guess in study and in the workplace later on there will always be those who only want a good time and leave the real work to others. Getting skill at handling this will be pretty useful.

The only other thing to point out is you must be a capable, conscientious  and hard worker, something to be proud of. The more you do the more expereince and knowledge you will gain.

Croix