My confusing Feelings on Dating and Relationships

[KFPDW]

(The Forum has helped with my stressed out feelings before so I thought I would make the use of it with another thing that has been on my mind)

I’m 25 now and I haven’t been in a relationship before. After my parents divorced, I have been apprehensive about getting into any kind of relationship. My Mental Health is currently all over the place which I’m currently trying to fix. And I know I’m not in a hurry to get married or anything like that. I want to be able to be happy with myself and have my mental health all up to scratch. But why do I feel like I want to be with someone (a girl in my case) and have that close relationship? To be with someone who is like your best friend and so much more than that? To know what it’s like to kiss someone I really like? Why do these feelings keep coming up? I feel like any new person I meet that is a girl, a small part of me hopes a relationship could happen with this person I met. Like my mind is jumping ahead.

I feel ridiculous!! I know being in a relationship doesn’t automatically solve any issue I have in my life. I also know it can come crashing down with divorce like my parents and so many other people. I feel like I’m so confused and I don’t know what I want. I would like to meet someone and develop a close relationship with them. But I also don’t want to rush into anything any time soon. I want to play it safe.

I also feel like I’m not interesting enough and I don’t fit into the handsome guys and good lookers category. I had a few false starts where I thought I really like someone but it either didn’t feel right after a while or I got too picky or my mind couldn’t help looking ahead too far when I didn’t want to. There was one girl I liked who just my best friend now and I get along well with her Boyfriend really well too. We like a lot of the same things and I tried to ask her out but she didn’t feel the same way. It was crushing but I tried to not let it on that it hurt. We’re cool now and I’m happy we’re friends but it wasn’t easy getting over her at the time. And there hasn’t been anyone since then I have meet where I felt a strong connection with.

So yeah, that sums up what I’m feeling in terms of dating as a whole. I felt like I just needed to get my feelings on the matter out in the open. I don’t know where I stand and why do I keep feeling like I want to be with someone when there’s no one there? Or at the very least, want to be in a close relationship?

[Sophia16]

Hey,

Thank you for sharing 🙂

First of all, we are all human. What you are feeling is completely normal. You're 25 and craving somebody. I understand.

I am sure you are an interesting person. Every person is unique and special. We all have our own hobbies that we enjoy.

I don't know if you believe in the saying 'They will come at the right time' but trust me, it's real. Your person will come when you really need them.

Have you tried any dating apps? It can help you build some close relationships.

Please stay safe and i am here to chat if you need me.

[KFPDW]

Hi Sophia, thanks for responding to my post and for your kind words.

Yes I have heard the term "they will come at the right time" before and it's hard to believe it at the moment but I do want to believe it if that makes sense. As for dating apps, I have had a look at them before but the people who sign up on there are like the complete opposite of me. They are either in a hurry to grow up or have a fling or drink a lot and go clubbing which may work for other people but not me. So I appreciate the suggestion about the apps but I'm not sure it will work for me.

Hope you keep safe too and thank you again for taking the time to read my post and respond. 🙂

[geoff]

Hello KFPDW, welcome back, it's terrific you have returned and it's not easy asking someone out, you contemplate, the heart pounds away and you think you're ready to do it but then decide it's not the right time after thinking about it in the morning again and again, but don't, I'm sure this happens to many people, I know it did for me.

When you see someone you like, you can't predict the negatives of what you think may happen in the future because you have no idea, the reverse may happen, but you take it as it comes, the first thing you need to do is get to the stage where you can hold hands, where you fall in love with each other, but before this does happen, is you both have eyes for each other that always meet in any circumstance, but to suddenly touch one another is beautiful, then you go out of your way to want to feel her again, so you do on purpose, and don't forget about her, because that's exactly what she does as well.

On dating apps people may tell you stories that may not be true or exaggerated just to gain a date and that's definitely different from continuously meeting eyes with someone you like or accidentally touching them, so let this happen, then you'll be brave enough to start talking with them.

Love happens in many strange ways and it will with you and would love to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Hanna3]

Hi KFPFW

Being 25 and longing for a relationship with a girl sounds very normal to me!

I'm not crazy about dating sites. Do you have any interests where you can meet people and forms friendships? Play a sport or belong to a church group?

I always say to meet women as friends first and be comfortable talking with them.

You sound like a nice guy. I know covid has made meeting people difficult but it's much better to meet someone through a shared interest or activity than via dating sites which can be pretty ruthless.

Maybe now things are opening up a bit you could join a gym or theatre group or choir or take up dancing - these are all good ways to meet people especially young women.

Good luck! Just be friendly and approachable. Don't be too desperate as it puts people off. You sound nice!

[KFPDW]

Hi Geoff, nice to be remembered. ^_^ Yeah what you have explained makes sense and fits with the whole meeting someone you like in person and building on that intimate relationship. I feel like that sort of thing is so rare these days, two people having a close connection with each that lasts.

[KFPDW]

Hi Again Hanna,

Glad to know what I'm feeling is normal and lockdown is definitely NOT helping whatsoever. Things maybe opening up where you are but I live in Victoria, Melbourne and the cases are going up and down each day. Lockdown isn't ending anytime soon. Makes it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I try to remain positive as much as I can.

Thanks for the kind words and I think what you're saying makes sense that meeting people in a shared interest event is better than dating websites. I can believe they can be totally ruthless. And believe it or not, I too have always said that it's a good idea to be friends with someone like a girl first before forming a relationship.

Coincidentally, my group of current friends were originally part of a youth group that met after church. Not a religious group though, more youth culture in general. The spare room at the church was a easy place to meet up at the time and the priest at the time was kind enough to let us use it on the weekends when the meeting happened. The youth group program ended for us as soon as we finished high school but we stuck together as a group of friends ever since then. Also that girl I mentioned in my previous post who is one of my best friends now, she's in that group.

I guess I can try and look for different things to try out or sign up for in terms of recreational sport or theatre groups. I actual like theatre work, fits in with the film, animation and television I'm studying. It's tricky at the moment but it sounds like that's a solid way to go about meeting more people my age. I have tried in the past but I have found it tricky to find something I can latch onto.

I'll take on board what you have suggested, thanks 🙂

[Hanna3]

Hi KFPDW,

Yes covid and lockdowns have made things really hard! There's quite a lot on Google about new relationships failing under lockdown so maybe it's actually better not to be in one at the moment!

Theatre groups are great I was in an amateur theatre group for ages and made wonderful friends. Plenty of fun while you're meeting people and great opening and closing night parties!

Several relationships happened in that group!

Yes I have a friend in Melbourne and I know it's been really tough for people there.

Hang in there as you sound like a great guy. Hopefully by later this year you'll be able to get out and about more.

🙂

[Mk2692]

Hi KFPDW,

Thanks for your post and for reaching out here. It is completely normal to have feelings of intimacy and wanting to connect with someone. Especially being at the age of 25, it is normal to crave intimacy and think about relationships. Even though you mentioned your parents didn't have a good relationship, it doesn't mean you can't have a good one yourself. I understand that your mental health is not where you would like it to be, I'm not sure if you see someone about your mental health, if you haven't I would recommend to see a psychologist or counsellor to help you navigate through those feelings. It can sometimes be disheartening having feelings for someone and not having them reciprocated but don't let that stop you from trying. I think if you are a shy person and are finding it hard to find someone, try dating apps, they can be a great way to get to know someone. Hope this helps.

[geoff]

Hello KFPDW, and what you may have tried once before can certainly change because different situations arise and people also change learning from past experiences, so it's achievable for you.

Geoff.