Mum and Dad don't understand sometimes.

[Grey_Man]

Hey guys,

So, I just started my HSC year, time flies hey. Anyway, I'v been affected by a number of stress, anxiety and depression related instances for probably the better part of two years now, but have only really started to surface in the current year due to the rigor of these last few years of my schooling. The pieces of the puzzle are starting to come together gradually, as I see a psychologist as well am on medication for my depression related feelings (I like to call them 'motivation issues', I hate the word 'depression'). And while that's all fine and dandy and certain aspects of my life seem a bit brighter, the major hurdle is getting mum and dad to fully grasp how I feel. They are both really understanding most of the time and I really appreciate the effort they put into doing their best for me and listening too me, but sometimes it is incredibly frustrating.

My feelings generally lie in the region of that I have little to nothing to look forward too a majority of the time. I get little pleasure in lots of the things I used to enjoy and life as I see it, it just a constant grinding machine that doesn't stop. I hate the fact that I have to act joyful and happy around everyone, when in reality, I'm not. 

Perhaps its the way I describe it that doesn't help mum and dad understand. Most of the time I get comments like 'everyone has those days' etc. I occasionally have days of school when I'm just not feeling up to anything, today for example, but I hate taking them because sometimes I either loose the privilege of going to a party or an outing, or something else that is not in the weekly timetable, is used as leverage against me. "If I cant handle one day of school, then you won't be able to handle a party".

 I understand their frustration, but these few outings are my only glimmers of hope and enjoyment in what is often just a dull and repetitive life for me.

The only people that really understand how I feel, are medical professionals and friends who have gone through the same things as myself.

The more I talk to my parents about it all, the less I want to do it in the future, as while it is ok to talk, just every few weeks I get that blasting on how "life isnt fair" and "just have to put up with it".

I truly love my parents and appreciate everything they have ever done for me, thinking about them is the only thing that stops me from doing something drastic to put my mind off this hell for just a little bit.

Any advice would be fantastic.

[White_Rose]

Dear Grey Man

I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation and feeling so unwell. Welcome to Beyond Blue where I hope we can help and support you.

Explaining depression to those who have not experienced is always a hard job. No visible injury to show for it, none of the signs of illness such as a high temperature or rash, "just" feelings. And the comments your parents make are so typical of the general public's understanding. So how to make them understand?

First off explore this site for all the information on depression. Start by clicking on the blue tabs at the top of the page, especially Resources and The Facts. You can download most of the information and/or send for printed copies. I suggest you send for copies to give your parents especially the For Family and Friends booklet and possibly the Carers information. Hard copies will be easier for your parents to read and refer to.

Make sure you are familiar with the information yourself. Explain that it is put out by BB and therefore a reliable source.Try explaining depression by using an analogy. For example starting with a headache that won't go away, turns into an intense migraine that stops you thinking clearly and makes you feel ill, then intensify it by ten and this is something like having depression. Make up your own analogy in a way that best describes your feelings.

You can also access this youth site https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/ which may be helpful.

Your parents are right in one respect, life isn't fair. No one asks for depression and would love to get rid of it. But since we are stuck with it we need to learn it's lessons. There is a set of books by Bev Aisbett which you may find useful. Mostly they are talking about panic and anxiety but I find it works equally as well if you think of depression instead. They are small books with a small cost. Titled Living with It, Living It Up, Letting It Go and Taming the Black Dog they have serious information but presented in a semi humorous fashion. I found them very good and easy to read.

Have a go with the above suggestions. Write in again as often as you need.

Mary

[Narniakid]

Hey Grey Man, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us. 

I am sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I did my HSC last year and as a long term sufferer of depression, it definately got worse during my final year of school.

What I encourage you to do is embrace your final year as much as you can - the parties, the study groups, the ceremonies, all of it. It will absolutely fly past and you'll regret what you didn't take in. 

I also want to remind you that grades are everything, and your ATAR doesn't dictate the rest of your life, despite what schools may say. I completely failed my HSC due to my mental illness and lack of motivation to do well, and one year on, I'm employed in a job I love and studying radio at the most prestigious radio school in the country. 

Try new things, get out in the community and do some volunteer work or join a sporting club. After I found that I wasn't getting much joy from the things I used to, I figured there's no harm in trying something else to occupy my time.

Crystal