Losing friends again and feeling lonely

[bluesclues445]

For basically all of high school, I struggled with a feeling of loneliness amongst whatever friend group I'm in at the time, with every group I've been a part of slowly losing interest in me and no longer including me unless it's to help them write an essay or whatever. Bc of this and with my already bad anxiety I am very insecure, have a fear of rejection and abandonment and tend to shut down if my anxiety is triggered.

Well, this started happening again with my current group, and it all sort of culminated at this big school event where I was canceled on and excluded most of the night. (Two of my biggest problems are canceled plans and being excluded which I've talked to them about before.) Bc of that I shut down most of the night. when I found out they hung out together at an afters without me (telling me they all were going home when they didn't) I was so hurt, feeling left out and lonely again. I wanted to message them about it bc I was sick of being swept aside. I messaged them to tell them how I felt about it (i might have been a bit blunt I admit) and it turned into me being a bad person bc I wasn't very talkative that night? Bc, I was upset about people canceling last minute and lying? Am I a bad friend? Am I overreacting like they said I am? Now I completely regret saying anything I feel like they all hate me. The thought of being a bad friend has made me nonstop nauseous for the last two weeks. Now I have no one to talk to essentially. I've only talked to my parents. I am increasingly getting more anxious and lonely and I feel as if I am once again spiraling like after my other failed friendships.

Having told them how these things affect me previously and them doing it anyway I couldn't see myself continuing a friendship when I was going down the road of being excluded again. Even tho I chose to distance myself I am so incredibly lonely. Was it a bad idea for me to distance myself? Is it just my anxiety talking and I've ruined a friendship by getting upset? Does my anxiety make me hard to be around? Idk. All I feel is regret. I just feel stupid and like a bad person.

I'm sorry if this is super rambly I'm a bit nervous about writing on here.

[geoff]

Hello Bluesclues445, when people feel anxious they can say what they normally wouldn't do when feeling OK, the problem is they may be unaware of what's happening.

If these people are what you classify as being friends and have told you that you are 'overreacting', then they may only be saying this regarding this point, but it doesn't mean they aren't your friend anymore because friends get cross with each other every now and then, and the next day it's all forgotten.

If you don't feel as if this is going to happen then you can contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, web chat or online.

This group helps people aged between 5 to 25 years of age but hope to hear back when you're available.

Geoff.