Just getting things off my chest

[H-c]

Ooft okay how do it start...

So basically I’ve been feeling like this for years now really but I kept of shrugging it off like it’s nothing. I don’t know if I’m burnt out or have high level anxiety or a bit of depression or all of them combined.
I always feel like something is wrong with me or something bad is going to happen, I always waiting for that “thing” to hit me. And I always feel like I’m forgetting something. Or I feel empty, like my stomach feels empty all the time. I tried filling it with food, which did not help, Made me feel worse. It’s getting worse and worse especially after years nine. I’m frequently having all this random breakdowns at school and I easily cry for no reason at all, I’m also having trouble concentrating. Like at school my classmate and I were working on a project and she said something which isn’t funny because if it was people would start laughing but for some reason I laughed to the point where tears starts running down and I feel like I can’t even control what I’m feeling anymore. One minute I’m all happy and okay the next I feel like everything’s going downhill. I sometimes feel like I’m a disappointment or something. Like I can’t even do simple things or achieve them. I keep on zoning out in class no matter how hard I try to concentrate. I tried studying in small Chunks and all and it did not help, nothing helps at this point. I feel like I’m constantly disappointing everyone around me, my teachers, my friends, my parents. Plus everyone around me is saying things like “you’re smart you’re going to do well”, I can’t help but feel like I have to conform to their expectations like i have to constantly get 98, 99 in all my tests. I’m also scared to talk in front of the class for some unknown reason. I get all shaky and my mind just goes blank and my heart started beating rapidly n I started to get trouble breathing. I also get paranoid easily like one day I saw a flash and thought someone took a picture of me cause they hate me and wanna talk shit about me and all which is stupid i know what I can’t help it. I kept on telling myself that oh it will get better soon just get enough sleep. No. It didn’t help. Why do I keep feeling this way and how do I stop. Is it normal? I wonder how it feels not having to constantly worry. I need help?
 

I sometimes feel like I wanna escape from all of this, escape form this reality, I wanna disappear so that I no longer have to deal with all these. It’s not like I wanna disappear disappear it’s just that I sometimes feel like I wanna leave everything behind for a few days or so without worrying about anything.

right now I’m feeling overwhelmed by school and everything. At school all I hear are complaints and even in class. I have this one friend that kept on complaining about everything. I’m already carrying all of my heavy burdens and him complaining about his bad day or him not finishing his work isn’t helping. What am I supposed to do? I can’t tell him off but at the same time if he keeps on doing this I feel like I’m going to burst. I feel like a ballon filling with air with every second passing by getting bigger and bigger to the point where it’s on the verge of bursting.

[Croix]

Dear H-c~
I’ve read your post in Forums / Anxiety / Breakdowns and saw exactly how hard it is with school, from being asked to speak in class, being paranoid about other’s and having your heart race all the time. As well having your concentration fails and not being able to focus or do what you did before. All that plus the anger -which is understandable.

Now here things are worse, with more stress. You do not want to let anyone down, but frankly an expectation that anyone gets near 100% all the time is just plain silly -and harmful. No one needs that pressure

Now your friend is adding to it, with complaints about things that simply make matters worse. You end up crying or laughing without control -frightening and upsetting

I know, there are other things I’ve left out

I have had an anxiety condition for a long time, one of the reasons it has been a so long is I left things go for too long. When younger one does not have the experience to compare one’s life with what it should be, and yours is terrible, NO it is not normal. In all probability like me it is anxiety left unchecked

Please take some action now before it gets worse. I needed outside help, I could not fix myself, and you need it too

I suggest talking with parents, school councilors or a favorite teacher and explain it all, so you can get decent medical support. Could you do this?

If that;s too difficult ring, email or web-chat to the Kids Help Line,

https://www.kidshelpline.com.au/
or 1800 55 1800.
I personally recommend them. They understand and can be great.

Come back anytime

Croix

[H-c]

Dear Croix,
I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m scared to talk to people about my feelings. I’m that kid in school that sits in the back and doesn’t talk every lesson. I don’t that I have any teachers that I can share my feelings with, and I don’t know, but somethings stopping me from getting help all these “oh they’re not gonna care” and “don’t be a burden you’re already one”, “stop seeking attention it’s normal”, and “it’s your hormones”. I’m also afraid to go to the school counsler, what if they think my condition is so bad they decides to contact my parents? If I tell my friends what if they won’t believe me just because I’m smiling everyday? Why do I keep replying with I’m fine whenever I’m asked if I’m okay?why do I feel like I’m a burden to everyone and I can’t do anything right? Why can’t i be like others? Why can’t I say I want that or I wanna go out with my friends without feeling guilty ? Why can’t I enjoy being who I am? Why do I feel like I wanna Cry every time I go to school? Why do I lock myself inside my bedroom? I wanna be normal and go outside and enjoy everything. Why am I scared to seek help? I feel like my parents have their hands full with supporting the family and they’re already stressed enough. I don’t wanna waste any more of their money with going to therapist. What if I suddenly breakdown in class one day in front of everyone. All these like don’t do this don’t do that, why can’t you be this and why can’t you be like her, why can’t you ever be normal these thoughts are on my mind 24/7 and the only time it disappears is when I’m asleep. I’m sorry if I’m repeating things.. but like i feel like I’m drowning and just wants these feelings to stop

[Croix]

Dear H-c~

When I read your posts I see how I have been. You said you did not know waht is wrong with you, I'm not a doctor but becuse you are so similar to how I have been I believe you have an anxiety condition - which is an illness, like measles, but with different effects.

One effect is extreme worry about all sorts of things, and another - and this is what I'm seeing in your last post is the fact that whatever reasonable alternative you come up with to get assistance, anxiety will quickly shovel into you mind a reason why you should not do it - and most of those reasons do not bear close examination, they are just plain wrong.

OK so you are reluctant to worry your parents. That's not going to worry them half as much as if you became, like I did, seriously ill with anxiety. Most parents act out of love for their children and want the very best for them, and that includes looking after them when they are ill. Do you think yours are different?

Now for a very common one - "you are just seeking attention", well OK, if you had a broken leg and sang out would that be reasonable,? Being ill in other ways it is still a reasonable -in fact sensible act.

Look I could go down the list of all the objections you have voiced however by now you will have an idea that not all your are thinking is accurate and just as importantly there are many here right on this forum that said exactly the same things to themselves. However when they finally did get treatment they were happy they did.

Your life is so miserable, and it should not be like that. You should enjoy things as well as have the occasional disappointment. You can get to hte stage where that prison of a bedroom is no longer seen as the only safe place, but just becomes the place to chuck your old clothes in before dressing to go out.

Sleep should be refreshing, when tired from a full day being sleepy should be welcome, and when you wake up there are things to do and enjoy.

The easiest assistance of the lot is the Kids Help Line, a phone in a quiet corner and off you go, it is no big hassle and they are not going to overreact. It' true they might suggest you tell your parents, I dunno if they will, but if they do that's good, not bad.

What do you think? I'd not tell you all this unless I'd been thorough similar too. There are happy endings.

Croix

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[H-c]

Dear Croix ~

I am truly grateful for your Advices however what would be the first thing you recommend? I find talking and asking for help here is a big enough step already. What if I talk to the helpline and they asks me if they can talk to my parents? What if my parents don’t believe me? Is anxiety the only thing I’m facing?
truth to be told I’m really scared like terrified. I wanna take that step. I wanna get help like I really do i just don’t know how. Like there’s an invisible wall stopping me from going to the other side. And I can’t really talk to a stranger over the phone.

[Croix]

Dear H-c

"And I can’t really talk to a stranger over the phone."

OK, so web-chat.

https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling/

(The link is at the bottom)

I'm not being awkward keeping on about getting help, it really is the way to go

I'd also say it is not as bad as you imagine. The counselors are very gentle and understanding, and know perfectly well you do not want your parents to know - at least at this stage.

It is not an all or nothing deal anyway. You can contact them more than once, and if a particular counselor seems nice you can ask for them again (though you might have to wait till they next come on shift)

I've been there, talked with strangers (my typing is not good enough for web-chat, far too many mistakes and too slow)

The first few words, which they speak, get you started, it really does work and is very popular. It would not be if is was a bad experience.

All you are facing is the anxiety putting up barriers. One you talk outside the home to professionals then when the time comes your parents will believe. They will also be so sad for you that you are having to face all this in your life.

It will be OK

Croix (who is Xing is flippers you give them a go:)