Im going up and down

Jimmy19 · ‎05-10-2015

My moods are just jumping around realky bad and its really stressing me out.

I recently posted a vent on this Forum and a few days after replied that I now understand what i need to do and all that.

But since then I have hit a real slump. One of the problems I am having is that when I am with my friends its fine. But whenever the event comes to a close I just feel like dirt. For example today I went to the beach with friends and about 20 mins before we were leaving i just switched from laughing and kicking a ball to wanting to yell at the top of my lungs.

I dont know if this is pathetic or obsession or whatever. But one of my friends i have very strong feelings for her and she put me in the friendzone (i asked her out). I understand, but i think this is one of the main reasons I get so down. It really hurts everytime I talk to her or drop her off home. I look at myself and know that I need to get a grip but it really hurts. I have been thinking about cutting contact with her, but at the same time, she is my oldest friend and i feel like it is selfish and bad to just stop talking to her. But at the same time, i might need to for my own health.

I think I have an underlying depression that can be suppressed for very short periods of time. But then it just comes back in the afternoon. It stops me from sleeping. I want to get into hobbies, but I cant get a job anywhere to pay for them no matter how hard i try. I have no idea what I want to do with my future and i think i am freaking out.

I hate going to uni and it just makes me not want to get out of bed. I am just a real mess right now.

In simple terms, I feel like I have literaly zero value as a person.

I would like to hear suggestions on what I can do. I have tried counsellors and medication but they never helped me.

Im starting to get a little scared because this is becoming a recurring thing.

Also im starting to enjoy being with friends less and less. I feel like they leave me out of things and dont even notice when they do it.

I dont talk to family because they constantly start arguements and pick on me, people at uni dont talk to me and my friends ignore me. I dont get it,i try to make conversation and be well mannered around people. I just dont get why everyone I know does this to me.

Dazedconfusednumb · ‎06-10-2015

Hi Jimmy. Sorry you're feeling this way. It seems to me that you feel like you're missing something. Like you're missing a sense of comfort and also some kind of driving force or purpose to get you out of bed in the morning. Maybe there are aspects of your personality or interests that you need to discover more deeply. As for your friendships, in my opinion uni is a time do not just find out who you are but find your true friends and I believe this means that sometimes we need to stay true to what we want and who we are and let the friendships that don't actually suit us fade away. I think that the more dedicated you are to finding out what you want to do and who you are, the more fulfilled you'll be and the better the friendships you'll make.

Jimmy19 · ‎06-10-2015

I know what you are saying but I have no idea what I want to do or how to get there. I have been looking for a part time/casual job for over 2 years and havent even got an interview. I live in a really bad area for unemployment rates and the only people who get jobs get them through friends or family. And i know basically no one in any business that hires casuals. Its getting really stressful because im stuck in this loop of, not having a job to pay for hobbies/ interests so i get depressed and stressed so I then focus on school, end up hating it, then look for a job again. It makes me so stressed out, because all my friends have jobs that they got from other people and they make it sound easy to get one but it isnt.