I took a break to work on my mental health but all I did for months is stay home, and watch shows.

[Dove20]

Hi,

So, the title pretty much says it all. This year, my mental health took a turn for the worst. I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for a few years. I think it has been snowballing for a long time but this Spring, it just spiralled out of control. I began having panic attacks, even at home in bed where I should've felt most safe and comfortable. My anxiety stopped me from working at my casual job for months on end; there were too many occasions where I would call in sick because my anxiety just made me feel so sick, nauseous and dizzy. I sought help from my uni's counsellor but he was no help at all. All he was wanted to talk about was my life as a student and not my life outside of my studies which affected me mentally. It got to the point where I could not leave my house because of how bad my physical symptoms of anxiety were. So, when I couldn't attend my internship and had to drop out of the program I decided it was time to drop out of Uni temporarily this year to focus and recover my mental health.

However, all I found myself doing was watching TV, Netflix and sleeping. I don't do much else. I tried to find hobbies to enjoy but I don't find myself enjoying anything. Is this self-care? I can't tell if I'm putting myself down the rabbit hole even further or if I'm helping myself recover.

The stress and responsibilities of Uni have stopped, but my life stress and obligations are still the same. I'm an assistant caretaker for a family member and am relied on to help our family finances. With COVID making it difficult to get shifts (I only work short shifts 2 times a week), and even more difficult to find a second job the stress of it all becomes too much sometimes. Sometimes, I can't help but feel ashamed that I couldn't continue with Uni while dealing with my life obligations. There are so many people who deal with so much more than me but still push on. I've been asking myself why couldn't I do the same...

[pinktulip]

Hi Dove20,

I can relate to this. There have been times where I have felt hopeless or suicidal or flashbacks and cannot concentrate re study. So all I've been is at home. Or I've been taken out only to the psychologist or the GP or things like the Relaxation Centre... Or I even once sat in lectures of courses I have dropped out (Didn't make it easier the second time through, get all negative associations re fear) or I've been to Science Seminars at Uni in the summer but I'm the only undergraduate there and people arrive precisely at the start of talk and leave afterwards.

I once did genealogy re gap from Uni (you talked about hobbies)... but it didn't make me better in the long run; it just takes mind off things re temporarily. It feels like I do some study and I get depressed again but I'm meant to feel confident in what I've supposedly learnt even if it more then several years ago.

Oh, and because I had all the gaps in time in my study and I raise it with people; if I raise my worries with people they basically dismiss me and so I have people who don't actually know what I've studied; just think by saying everything will be okay; that it will help; well it hasn't...

I don't know what I'm meant to do... If I tell people I'm feeling like memories are coming back up re being at home due to COVID-19 isolation; it's you have no justification for feeling this way. If I begin to feel suicidal, locking me inside the house is supposedly meant to make me feel better.