I need help

[CooperPatton]

Things wrong with me:
Constantly negative thinking
Constantly thinking about the past
Constantly comparing myself to others
Starting to really hate my appearance in basically every way possible
Poor Memory
Poor Focus
Basically zero gratitude.
Extremely low confidence
"Every one is staring at me" feeling when I'm at the shops
If somebody asks me what's the matter and I decide to explain, I start crying to the point I can't explain what's wrong.
I always have something to worry about, if I fix one issue and stop worrying about it another issue will pop up and I'm feeling awful about that until I eventually get over it, then the cycle repeats.
I never laugh even when I know something is funny. I smile at best
I can't have a conversation with someone without focusing properly, making eye contact etc. As much as I want to
I can't even watch TV to distract myself, I end up zoning out thinking about the past and future, comparing myself to people on the TV.

The list literally goes on.

I'm turning 21 in a couple of months, people in my family are all doing great things and here I am. ^^^^^^

If you have any questions or advice, please don't hesitate. I've been trying to improve myself for so long and I'm starting to lose hope.

Thank you for reading x

When I do find myself in a positive head space I

[Quercus]

Hi CooperPatton and welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry about the delay, sometimes we miss posts it doesn't mean we don't care or that you aren't important... Just that we're human.

This I related to...

I'm turning 21 in a couple of months, people in my family are all doing great things and here I am.

Thing is you (and all of us) are our own worst critics. We hold ourselves up to the standards of others when really isn't it only important that we are safe and reasonably happy?

It is hard to know what to suggest without knowing what you've tried but the list is enormous...

• Finding hobbies you love
• Taking a break from social media
• Excercise and taking control of your health and physical wellbeing.
• Finding work that is meaningful to YOU (noone else)
• Mindfulness or meditation or anything that helps you be in the present.
• Meeting likeminded people (you're here doing just that).
• Identifying unhelpful thinking styles and practicing distracting yourself.

Like I said... We could go on and on. What have you tried?

That said. Sometimes we do need medical help. Before I sought help I tried most of these things and they made limited difference. Because I was in such a bad place in my head I needed medical guidance first.

Have you seen your doctor about this? Not being able to feel joy and excitement is not healthy. On the bb website there is a K10 test for depression it could be good to try it just to see how you score. If needed you can always print the result to take to the doctor.

I hope you return and keep talking. It can get better.

Nat

[Croix]

Dear CooperPatton~

I'm glad you came here as you sound like you are having a very hard life. Listing all those things you feel in such an orderly manner makes it quite easy to compare with our own experiences. I have various conditions including anxiety and can see a lot of my own problems in yours. I would not be surprised if you have an anxiety condition too.

Nat has given excellent advice and I can only echo her suggestion that you seek medical help. I certainly did not improve until I did. My life is now out of sight better. Until you do you will not know what you are dealing with. If you prefer medical people that are used to younger persons' problems (under 25) rather than your GP then both Headspace (1800 650 890) and Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) are easy to talk to and very competent.

You mentioned you zoned out in front of the TV and your mind went off in directions you did not want, making comparisons and generally worrying. Trying to distract yourself, particularly with things you enjoy, is most important. It is not being selfish, just practical. You really do need to have something to look forward to each day and take your mind away from normal life.

If TV does not do it try other things. I go out for a walk. The change in environment and the exercise can make a big difference. In fact almost all exercise will help. I also read (a lot) and watch movies too. What sort of activities do you think might work for you?

Comparing yourself to family and others can be a real trap. When one has anxiety or other illness trying to judge oneself is not simple. For a start those things others might find easy - such as chatting in social situations - can be next to impossible. There are lots of things like this. As well one sees all one's faults and disregard one's strengths - it's part of the illness to do so. Then discouragement and hopelessness set in.

Like Nat I hope you return and talk some more

Croix

[smallwolf]

I can relate to some of the things that you mentioned in your list. One thing that I did pick up on is how the TV cannot distract you sometimes/at all.... My go to mechanisms are music and games. And yet there are times when these don't even work and I fixate on everything that is "wrong" in my life. This is despite the fact that I have sessions with a psych.

As a side note I also compare myself with my other family members, that I think they are all smarter than me. Although your family might not say it, I am certain that they see things in you that you cannot see, and good things. Hard as it is.we need to cut ourselves some slack.

Follow the suggestions in the above posts, and if you have to go to a psych, know they want to help you, and give you tools to cope. There will be bad times, and when these occur... Have to find a way to through the mess. Even if that means a call to a friend who knows what you are going through, if not a service. The people here can help, but sometimes I need to talk to someone.

PS. Walking is good also

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey CooperPatton,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

Man that's quite a list! I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way but I am glad you're here.

Things right with you -

- You have all this insight about yourself. That's gold. Yes it's not good that you're comparing yourself and having low confidence and what not - but you're aware of it. It's not easy to have this knowledge about yourself and the way that you think.

- You tell us that you have negative thinking. Ta da! This is good. It's good because it shows us you know it's negative. Often it's easy to say 'i'm stupid and that's a fact' but you realising that this is negative is a good thing.

- You're trying to improve. You don't want to feel this way, and that makes total sense.

- You're here. That's the best part of all, because it means that this awful cycle could grind to a halt.

How do you think your life might look like if all of this did change? 21 could be a brand new year for you and I'd love to help make that happen. Can you tell us how you've been trying to improve yourself - what have you been doing so far that's working/not working?

I also saw that you wrote 'when I do find myself in a positive head space I' - and I would love to hear the rest. Maybe that could be a good place to start too.

I hope you enjoy being here.