I have no friends, cannot make friends and am crushingly lonely. Please help.

Undergrad · ‎15-01-2020

I made this account literally just to post this, and I’m not sure if anyone will care, but if the brochures from the mental health spokespeople in school mean anything, then I suppose this is a place that can help. For the past 6 years, I have felt like someone who nobody wanted to be friends with. I’ve floated around different groups, only for them to treat me like shit and be rejected. I put so much time and energy into making new friends every year to replace the old ones I lose, only for them to leave me as well. I try explaining it to people, nobody and I mean nobody can help, it’s always just the same recycled responses “oh just reach out” “make new friends” “see new people” yeah, as if I haven’t tried that 100 times already. Honestly, I am always the third wheel in a friendship. Years of being people’s second or last choice or never even a choice at all has left me in a state where I am completely incapable of feeling wanted or worth anything. I tell myself that things will get better, and I tell myself that I’ll get new friends but the cycle just repeats over and over and over. I can’t tell my parents, I can’t have them worried, and they wouldn’t understand. I love them but this is something that I don’t think they can help with. I feel crushingly lonely constantly. It is truly horrible. I feel like that outside of my immediate family there is not a soul who cares about me on this planet. I need to know that my experience isn’t unique. I need someone to be able to relate with me. I need to know that I’m not just the freak show who is physically incapable of forming meaningful friendships. I don’t know if anybody is going to read this, I don’t know if anybody cares. But, if my mental breakdown 1 AM forum post graces your screen, please, tell me you relate.

Aaronsis · ‎15-01-2020

Hi Undergrad

Welcome to the BB forum, I am so proud of you that at a time when you are feeling so worthless and over it that you have remembered the brochures, I am so glad that the school provided the support and handed out information that has brought you here. We do care, very much, you are not alone and unfortunately your story is not new or unique, there are many young adults going through the very things you are, which is heartbreaking. You are absolutely not a freak show and even though the friendships have not flourished, you are capable of meeting and making friends.

I care about you and I am here, this is a safe place that you can chat, and share, as much or as little about you as you feel comfortable to. I will sit and chat and help you as much as I can through this time.

I can't relate to how you are feeling, I didn't experience this, however, I am going through it with my 15 year old son and it breaks my heart. So I am going to tell you some things, you have no doubt heard before but I will try, because I care. Can I also suggest to you that while it will make your parents sad, they are there for you and will want to shift the earth to help you. Talking does help. You don't have to go into huge layers as you have here but perhaps share some of how you are feeling so that they can hug you and hold you and help.

So I have got my son into doing some volunteer work, at a place he loves, so he is doing what he loves and is in a new environment. The focus is the tasks he is doing and that brings him joy, also giving back to the community gives you a massive boost, so both these things in themselves makes one feel really good. The next bonus is that the people who are also there are there for the same reasons you are, so there are common interests and therefore friendships form. So what type of volunteer work does a young person do? Well depending on what you like it could be at a local vet if you love animals or even an animal shelter. If you love books there is the library that you can go and help out, the Salvation Army is another wonderful place to start too, they have all sorts of things to get involved in.

I think what I am trying to say is that if you immerse yourself in what you love, you will be around others will common likes and interests and friendships are easier to form. School is horrendous, and I am so sorry for every child that is bullied and excluded and hurt at school.

Huge hugs to you and hope to chat some more

Sarah xx

Ray216 · ‎21-01-2020

Hi there. I care. I was in a terrible place with no friends for two years at uni, and I think I'm about to be again because I've done something mega stupid and is on the verge of driving my only friend away.

I think I would be more confident giving advice if I didn't do the aforementioned stupid thing, but I just want to say sometimes life works out. I found my friendship when I stopped trying to make friends. Sometimes the more deliberately you want things, the more they won't come. Sounds like weird hippy philosophy but it's true for me.

I just also want to say this. I also hate being alone, being neglected by others, being invisible. I also hate people not treating you as a real friend.

I just want to say that if I knew you in life, I would not hesitate to reach out to you, and commit to actually being your real friend, because I know too well what it's like not to have one.

Hanna3 · ‎22-01-2020

Hi Undergrad,

Welcome to BB and I'm so sorry you're feeling so lonely and unwanted and friendless. You've come to a safe supportive place and nobody here will treat you badly, we're all here to support and help each other. So well done for posting here!

Are you studying at Uni (going from your name?) Any chance of making friends there or are you finding yourself feeling like the odd one out again? Don't be hard on yourself or put yourself down - everyone is worthwhile.

When I was a kid I had friends bully me badly - school can be horrible. I know some people who are home schooling their kids to protect them from that kind of behaviour. I felt the odd one out for a long time. Sounds like you're self-esteem needs a boost. Feeling excluded can really have an impact on how you feel about yourself.

Can you let us know a bit more about your situation? I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely and uncared for by any friends. I have been through this so I truly know how rotten it feels. You will get support and help from BB So do post some more and people will do their best to give you help and support here. Take care my friend.

Undergrad · ‎24-01-2020

Hi Ray, thanks for taking the time to respond. I’m sorry that you feel you’ve screwed up on this friendship you have, and needless to say I know how you feel. I was wondering, you said that you managed to gain a friend when you stopped trying to make friends. I was just interested, how did this happen, if you weren’t making an effort to make friends at the time?

Ray216 · ‎25-01-2020

Alright, well the contrast is previously I would very actively seek people out to befriend, especially the sort of people who fit the appearance/feel of who I imagine would be the sort of friend I want. I would actively greet people quite deliberately and that wasn't very successful.

By saying not to try, for me it was like this. I have two close friends (sadly the first has graduated and moved away, and the second was the one I upset). I met both by chance encounter, while I wasn't actively thinking about trying to make friends at the time.

I met my first friend on orientation day, where incidentally I noticed he was reading a political article from a site I liked. We talked a bit about politics and were acquainted, and became close friends when months later we decided to start playing some PC games together, and through chatting while gaming found a lot more common interests and philosophies.

I met my second friend because she was the friend of an acquaintance. I was depressed that semester and didn't really show up to lectures, but decided to attend one day due to caring about my academic performance, and by incident sat next to her. Turns out we had much in common and greatly appreciated each other's quirky humour/personality. I hope my misunderstanding with her blows over because losing her would be traumatic, but yeah, at least that was how we met.

So I'm not saying ignore people, just don't actively try to seek friends, and live normally and do regular things and through chance encounters, good friends just might come along.

Guest_4643 · ‎28-01-2020

Hi there Undergrad. I'm Tayla and I'm 20, welcome to these forums.

Good on you for reaching out, and I hope you can find support from here and other places if you need, and if you're interested.

I'm exactly the same as you, except my parents know everything. I live in a small country town in Regional Victoria - I can't get a job, I can't study, I can't join groups, nothing. So I know exactly how you feel. I can't make friends myself, hence why I tried to come here.

I wish I could give you a hug and support you in person. I hope you're alright, I'm here to chat if you need on this post or any.

Do you have a therapist at all - GP, Psychiatrist and/or Psychologist, any of that, if you don't mind me asking? I know how daunting it is, believe me.

I'm so sorry that I can't be of any more help right now, but please know that I would love to help you in any way that I can, and I'll try my best. I do care, and please don't think I don't. I hope things get better for you and you get friends and everything goes well for you.

Big hugs, take care. Always here if you need me.

Tayla xx