I feel guilty

displaynamerequired · ‎02-09-2015

I feel guilty when I am sad. I feel like I am creating a burden and inconvienve for others. I Don't like feeling like this. I feel like shit today and I feel like nobody will hear me. I don't mean like my teacher told me off shit feeling. I mean sitting on the shower floor for 45 minutes watching the water trickle down the drain. That type of shit feeling. All I think about is how I'm pathetic. I almost want people to pity me which then makes me feel better. I used to see a school councilor but stopped because I felt she pitied me too much. My mum died when I was ten and not a day goes by when she doesn't cross my mind. Every day for six years I have thought about the woman who loved me. My mum. And she's dead. I have so many friends yet I feel so lonely. Every one sees a bubble, happy, loving girl when they look at me. I see a girl who is pitiful.

pockets4health · ‎03-09-2015

Hey displaynamerequired,

Thanks for reaching out. I'm sorry to hear about your mum, I can't even imagine how hard that must've been for you.

Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for being sad, for feeling like shit, for feeling pathetic, for being deserving of pity. You are not any of these things and while feeling like a burden might be something that you feel for some time. You are not a burden to us or to the people that love you. I really urge you to see your GP and just tell them how you are feeling. When I used to have that feeling of wanting people to pity me it was mostly because I just wanted someone to listen to me, someone to care, to see the real me. A GP is a good place to start and getting help to talk through everything you're going through is going to help you deal with all these feelings that you have. If there is one friend, or one person that you can tell how you're feeling that you trust - maybe they can go with you to the GP. My friend helped me by taking me to a doctor she trusted and it made me feel safe that she was there with me. You don't have to do it alone.

It is never easy losing someone that you love, I can imagine that your mum was your rock. You don't have to justify to anyone feeling sad about that, you don't have to feel guilty for missing her because you're already doing better than a lot of people facing what you're going through. I know that because you are here, reaching out.

I hope that you will consider seeing someone, things can and will get better.

V

loveisblue · ‎04-09-2015

Hi Displaynamerequired,

It is heartbreaking when the person who raised you, loved you and took care of you is not with you anymore. It is normal to feel hopeless and devastated in such circumstances. You don't have to blame yourself for feeling pitiful and once you think clearly you will see that you are not guilty of anything. You deserve to be happy like anyone else does and you will be.

If your dad is still around or in your life, talk to him and ask him for help. You can also find an auntie or any older person who can help you take care of yourself emotionally. You are still young and it is always better to have someone older, even a big sister or brother, to guide you through difficulties.

Go out to the sunshine and be close to nature. It will help alleviate your sense of isolation. Perhaps also try to write to your mother, pretending that she will be reading what you have to tell her, and imagine what she would say, what she would do.

You can also consider taking up new activities or hobbies to keep your mind busy - maybe adopt a pet?

Best wishes

Narniakid · ‎05-09-2015

Hi displaynamerequired, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

I am sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine how awful it must be to have lost one of your parents at such a young age. Don't blame yourself - her death is not your fault. She's up there watching over you and the last thing she wants is for you to beat yourself up over it. She wants to watch you flourish, like most parents want for their children. Blaming yourself will not change the past.

I think the best thing for you to do is to visit your GP for a referral to a psychologist, as I feel talk therapy with a specialist would be most helpful for you in this situation. Definitely take on board what the other users have said - trying something new and getting out of the house and experiencing things is always good for you.

Stay strong, but let go of the self-blame and tell yourself you can get through this, because your mother, and myself, both know you can.

Crystal