Apologies to everyone for not updating my story. A lot of things have happened for the past few months. Here's an update:
Despite my bf having promised to support me after knowing my 'secret', he definitely hasn't proved it with action. I knew, even before we started, that my insecurity and negativity would hurt him. I wouldn't have started a relationship with him if he hasn't tried so hard to show me that he was brave and mature enough to love me for whoever I was.
My insecurity has definitely created a lot of arguments. If he didn't let me know where he was going after work I freaked out. If he wasn't telling me why he was upset I freaked out. If he was sick I freaked out. But day by day my love for him grew stronger and stronger. He eventually became my main source of hope and motivation.
Then, I don't know why, everything went downstream. Not only was he NOT willing to communicate with me after work (unless he felt like it), he also repeatedly said that he was sick of me.
Today I was in a low mood (when would I not be in a low mood anyway?) and I wanted to talk to him about it because he was my bf and also someone I trusted. He said 'tell me why you aren't in a good mood'. Sounds like he's caring right? But I knew him too well to know that he would not treat what I said seriously. So I told him what happened and of coz, received no reply. I must be stupid to hope that he would reply saying something along the lines of 'I'm so worried about you'. He, like always, just replied 'good night'.
I was very upset. This was not the first time he had neglected my feelings. I have told him many many times that I wanted communication. He would yell at me saying I was taking too much of his time and that he didn't want to talk, both during daytime AND after work.
There were happy moments in our relationship of coz, but it could not continue without proper communication. I also felt like the love was one sided. Even though he said he loved me he put his feelings as the priority. There were times when he ignored my feelings and said he wanted me to give him space, i.e. not talking to him Monday to Friday unless he wanted to. To be honest, I can easily do that provided the person I am going out with is not someone I love, but that is not the case.
I love him even after all the heartache. I know it needs to come to an end for my benefit, since my depression symptoms have worsened. I feel really hopeless right now.
Can I get some advice?
