How to cope the first moments after admitting/seeking help?

[Lego2894]

Hi...

Another new person here and sort of just looking for some sort of support to cope at the moment, I guess?

I've finally come out in a spectacular moment of a horrible breakdown to admit openly to people (my uni supervisor, my parents,etc) that I actually might need help. Yesterday after a long week of having a common issue of just not being able to so much as leave my bed or room to go to uni to complete work for my honours project (I study Animal Science is my honours year is a spent doing a research project under the guidance of a supervisor), I had a moment yesterday where I was expected to show work (that I hadn't done) to my supervisor. Instead I had a breakdown and admitted that I needed help and seeing as my thesis is supposed to be due at the end of October, I need to find a way to get extensions. Long story short of that I have a meeting with a counsellor tomorrow and need to outline where I am to up to work wise to the honours co-ordinators to seek extensions.

On top of that I explained to my mum the situation (another horrible breakdown). I'm planning to go to the doctors to get professional help - but I feel like I should point out I went to the doctors a month ago for insomnia, had some tests done, one included an evaluation of stress,anxiety and depression - from that I got told I'm deficient in iron and vitamin D given supplements and told that I had a very high level of depression and anxiety (from the scores of the test/questions she asked me) and offered to give me medication and/or the free 6 visits to a psychologist. The doctor said she could give the benefit of the doubt as vit D deficiency does lead to depression, though I think she might of been able to as much as I know that this is something that's been there for a long time. Being the person that I am I stupidly refused it all back then and denied my problem and now I have to go back and say that I pretty much lied about that.

So here I am right now amongst bouts of tears trying to cope with what I've done in the last day. I feel exhausted and internally I'm both crying for someone to be there and not leave me alone as well as almost screaming and wanting to get in my car and go anywhere that would mean I'm away from everyone and everything.

I guess I came here to read about how others coped or came around with getting help. What it was like in those immediate moments right after the truth came out? Did or has anyone else felt so horrible afterwards?

[Cornstarch]

It felt shit.

Guess what mate? Tonight you are not "up for peer review".

How does anyone cope with embarrassment and shame. Essentially this is what you are feeling.

Everyone feels it, and everyone has an 'inner critic', but you high achievers I tell ya what you are never satisfied until you've won not one, not two, but three Nobel Prizes! So your inner critic is merciless.

The fact of the matter is you are part of a culture, and University culture is incredibly competitive, incredibly focused on the individual having to make a name for themselves, be original, be driven, achieve results and pretty much be perfect.

It is a brutal industry.

You've been indoctrinated.

Denial is completely natural. There is so much mis-information out there and to top if off we receive subtle and explicit messages all day long that it is all in our heads. Of course we're in denial, we're confused what is right and what is wrong.

There's no quick fix and yes it totally sucks at times. Definitely check in with the psychologist, simply having to cope under such constant pressure it would be great to have a 3rd party to just chat to.

It sucks being human and having a wobbly nervous system. But this may just be a passing state and full health can be achieved.

I'm a very proud Leo too, so frustration that I can't carry on like everyone else is so irritating.

Don't let the culture infiltrate you so much that you assume you are viewed with such scrutiny on the outside world. University's are closed systems.

You are not "up for peer review" out here.

[MarkJT]

Lego, welcome to the forum and make no mistake, you are in a non judgmental and highly supportive environment in here. Congratulations on your first post and it is easy to see that you have shown a tonne of courage in typing what you did.

Even though you feel terrible, you have made the correct decisions in admitting that there are issues there to deal with. If you leave it unchecked, it will not go away, it will only get worse so to take action now will serve you well.

Definitely go and see the psych. They are the specialists in the field and will steer you in the right direction. Keep in mind though that if you don't connect with your first psych, doesn't mean that you cannot connect with another one. Keep an open mind about medication. I didn't take meds for nearly two years of my journey through PTSD, depression and anxiety but have been on them for near two years now and don't regret a minute of being on them.

Read up about and start practicing mindfulness. It is a type of meditation and it works for most. It is about living in the present, not worrying about the future and not dwelling on the past. It helps you cope with depressive thoughts and feelings.

You will be fine, you have made the decision to take control of your life and that is awesome. Yes you may feel pretty ordinary at the moment but it is a line in the sand day. Much respect for taking that stance - well done. A very very positive move.

[MsPurple]

Legos this story sounds very similar to my own. I was in my last year of my masters when my depression and anxiety went to breaking point. I had a complete melt down during my research semester and told my supervisor I had been struggling with mental health the day before my project was due ( I told her I had just started going to a doctor and counselling 2 months before). You are not alone for having a breakdown towards the end of uni and a massive project. I'm glad you are getting help and telling your parents. It was hard for me to have the talk with my mum but it helped she helped me a lot. My supervisor informed me about disability services at university. They help students with mental illness and they can help you come up with an acedemic plan suitable for you and your situation. Call up your local university services disability services. I know it is hard to deal with anxiety and depression at uni, and it feels impossible. But with support it can be done. I finished last year and looking back I'm proud I did it, but I couldn't have finished it without support. And I'm glad I got support when I did, because I can use it for the rest of my life.

This is a safe place full of understanding people. You can always come here to vent and ask others for support 🙂

[MsPurple]

Hi Lego. I had a similar situation to you. I had a breakdown in my final year of uni during my research semester. I admitted I needed help 2 months before my project was due, however I struggled throughout my research semester. Trust me you are not alone for struggling at uni towards the end. Research is tough and having problems with anxiety and depression buts my pressure in a high pressure situation. Have you heard about your universities disability services. They help students with a range of disabilities including mental illnesses. I registered in my final semester. They can help students come up with acedemic plans and can help with extensions and give you support throughout your studies. I would suggest you hit up your universities disability services. Most of the time you need to get a GP or specialist to fill in a form to prove you need the services. Im glad you are getting help. For me as horrible and hard as it was to deal with mental health at university, once I had finished it and come out the other side I know I can do anything. I can use the lessons I learnt from Uni and from my support network into adulthood and in my career.

As Corn said this is a supportive network. You can always come here to vent and for support 🙂