How Ive Been Feeling

madi12 · ‎02-03-2020

so I haven't been diagnosed with anything. but every day I come home and I get in these moods. where nothing or no one matters anymore, I think of these dark thoughts that I never have before. I don't know what's causing all this though. and I always feel guilty for feeling this way since I have a roof over my head and a place to sleep. also at school, I just suddenly really nervous for no reason, and I will go out of class and just cry. I feel like none of this makes sense cause I'm not really good at talking about my emotions. I just feel lost and thought I should get stuff off my chest on here.

Aaronsis · ‎03-03-2020

Good Morning Madi12

Welcome to the forum and to Beyond Blue, I am so very proud of you for sharing your feelings and for knowing to come here to get some support, some comfort and somewhere to get those feelings out and off your chest.

I am not sure what year you are in but school is alot, alot of pressure, alot of things to think about and just in general ..alot....it is a time for finding out who you are and how you feel about that and what makes you happy but also what makes you sad...it is a real time for growth and learning not only in class but in life. This is in itself alot for the young people of today. With all this going on and your change in mood and your identifying that you are not feeling like your usual self and that you are experiencing dark thoughts and struggling with your emotions.

Firstly there are some really great people at Kids Helpline, they are on 1800 55 1800, they are so wonderful and so very caring and easy to talk to, they might have some really great ideas for you and some professional support for you too.

How would you feel about seeing a GP? I know you said that you are not very good at talking about your emotions but I think that seeing a doctor sooner than later to get a check on these feelings might be really helpful to you. If you do struggle to get the words out you can always write them down, pass them to the GP and he/she will start the conversation from there.

I hear how confused you are in that none of this makes sense, that is the part we can help you with here, by chatting and getting some of the thoughts you have and the feelings you have out and we can chat about that. I am so very proud of you for sharing how you are feeling and you will notice that there are so many others feeling very similar also, so you are not alone and you are not the only one madi12.

I hope to chat some more to you and I hope that I have helped in some small way today.

Have a great day and huge hugs to you

Sarah xx

madi12 · ‎04-03-2020

thank you so much, I am quite scared to go to the GP because I'm scared they are just going to say that I'm fine, and I'm just overreacting to everything. you brought a tear to my eye I can't thank you enough for those kind words :).

smallwolf · ‎04-03-2020

Hi madi12,

welcome to beyond blue.

My own experience knows it can be frustrating when you do not really know what is wrong but you have these odd feelings that don't seem normal. The thing that I first did was coming here and doing the K10 test on the beyond blue web site. It recommended that I see a GP which I did and it turned out OK, in terms of I was not making anything up.

So what can you do .... ?

I guess the first thing I would ask is how do you feel after getting it off your chest?

And for what it is worth, I understood what you were saying. Some people also find it hard to talk about feelings. My dad worked in science and quite smart, but initially struggled to talk about his own feelings.

Have you tried speaking with your parents about this? And if you struggle with speaking about it, you could try writing a note for your parents to read? Just a thought. Regardless, you can always write here, and Sarah, I or others will reply to you - we each have our own stories to tell and parts or our lives will intersect with yours somehow. I look forward to hearing from you soon,

Tim

Aaronsis · ‎05-03-2020

Hello again madi12

I totally understand that the thought of going to see a GP can be very daunting..."what if you don't know what to say".."what if they say I am attention seeking".."what if they say there is nothing wrong"..."what if they say there is something wrong"....can I suggest to you that these are your thoughts at play, a bit of anxiety perhaps and that the experience will probably not go how you are playing it out in your mind. Perhaps what you can do is write down, just as you have here, how you are feeling, what you have been thinking and how that makes you feel, that you are worried that you have come to see a GP and you are worried about being disregarded. You can hand them you note and start the conversation from there.

I think a common thing that we think is just because we seem to "have everything" that therefore we "should" not be experiencing things like depression or anxiety or suicidal thoughts...but mental illness does not work that way ....it is not choosy and it does not discriminate...it happens to the rich, to the poor, to men, to women, to young people, even to children, to people who work part time, full time...I think you get the idea...

I think talking to us here is a wonderful start for you, to practice even what you might like to share with a GP, or your parents or a friend. Ultimately I think an appointment at your doctor would be a great next step for you. We are here for you, to give you some hope and some confidence to make and to attend that appointment madi12. You deserve happiness and to feel good about who you are, a solution could be right at your fingers tips should you reach out to grab it.

Huge hugs to you and keep on chatting

Sarah xxx

madi12 · ‎05-03-2020

Hey guys, I think ill tell my mum soon, maybe even tomorrow. I just don't think she would like the idea of me seeing a GP though. I talked to an online counsellor and that helped, didn't fix it but helped. I was sadder than normal at school today, but I didn't cry or nothing, just sad. I opened up to a friend and she told me she felt the same a while ago. I'm getting there. Hopefully, I will stop these stupid thoughts.

smallwolf · ‎05-03-2020

Hi. It sound like you are trying to the do the right things with telling your parent, a friend and the a counsellor. Please give yourself a little time to work through whatever the issues are that are troubling you at the moment. I think of more as a marathon than a 100m sprint. You will get the tools and strategies to help.

Tim