Help, Am I Depressed?

[ambipurr17]

Hi, um just to get started I'm amber and I'm 17 and I'm not sure if I'm depressed or not. So in my life I've gone through quite a bit when I was young my mum used to hit me well abuse i guess, it wasn't constant but yeah then my mum ended up going to rehab because she was an alcoholic and I now live with my dad and a lot of other stuff happened etc.

When I was around 15 I started feeling sad quite a lot, like crying myself to sleep almost every night etc a big thing did happen at that time though, me and my best-friend of 9 years broke off our friendship which was really devastating, then it went away for awhile and I thought I was okay, then when I was 16 I became very sad to the point where I started self-harming and I've had suicidal thoughts and things, but it comes and goes, like one week I'll be fine and the next I'm an emotional wreck. Currently at the moment I am 3 months free of self-harm but I'm really struggling.

I get thoughts that none of my friends like me, that no one cares about me, that I'm a failure and I won't succeed in life, I'm very negative towards myself, I feel very angry and irritated and I lash out at people, I'm finding it very hard to want to put effort into my school work and haven't had a great sleeping pattern but I haven't lost interest in stuff I like to do, well I have a little and I still like to hang out with my friends. I just constantly never feel properly happy. It may be partially because I'm in year 12 and school is very stressful and that isn't helpful but yeah. I'm tired all the time and sometimes I feel really empty like I just don't feel like crying or anything even when I'm really sad, and I feel like I can't tell anyone. 2 of my friends and my boyfriend know I have self-harmed but I really don't want to put my problems on them. I did the test before and got in the high zone and I wasn't over the top with my answers. Would anyone please just be able to tell me if they think I have depression, your opinions would be appreciated greatly 🙂

[Doolhof]

Dear Amber,

Hi. Welcome to BB. I hope you are able to find the help and the support you need here. I don't know that any of us are able to make a definite diagnosis that yes you are depressed, but it certainly seems like it from what you have written. That doesn't mean it has to be long term or a life sentence, it may just be for this period of your life.

 I have just read your post and it has taken me back to my teenage years, they were quite a struggle for me, so I do understand a lot of what you are going through. I am now a 50 year old lady, but remember so clearly the mixed feelings of trauma and happiness of those years.

Being 17 and doing year 12  can be a struggle for anyone, add to that the problems and concerns you have mentioned and it can become quite an effort to continue and persevere through all life is throwing at you now.

I am certainly no expert, just someone who has walked along a similar journey. I care for how you are feeling, and for how your mental health is affecting your life. Is there a councillor at your school you can talk with? Do you have a school Chaplain or what ever they are called these days? Is there a teacher you would feel comfortable to talk to about your troubles?

You can contact Beyond Blue and chat to someone there who will be able to pint you in the right direction to receive help and assistance. Their number is 1300 224 636, LifeLine 13 11 14 Mental Health 13 14 65 Kid's Helpline 1800 551 800. I am sure there are other groups who can help and give you advice as well.

Dear Amber, you have reached out to us at BB. Please feel free to write what ever you need to vent  and know that the "community" here care for you and want you to succeed. I am hoping you will contact someone professional who can help you. Do you have access to Doctors who will be able to advise you also where to get assistance?

I will be thinking of you and hoping you get back to me with how you are getting on.

Kindest regards and caring for you, from Dools.

[geoff]

dear Amber, thanks for coming to the site, and explaining on how you are feeling.

It's been a very stressful time for you, as it's never pleasant to grow up with an alcoholic mother, who would go to great lengths to entice you into purchasing the alcohol she needed, and I realise that you were under age, but there are ways and means of being able to do so, and I'm sure that most of your friends would have known about her drinking, which would have put you in a sensitive position.

Your comment ' I'm very negative towards myself', certainly indicates that you do have depression, and being in year 12 is such an awful time for you, because the ever increasing pressure that this also puts you in, is not a nice way to begin your adulthood.

It's concerning that your friends want to help you but then it's never easy to tell them everything that is troubling you, because your not too sure whether they will understand and then stick by you.

I am also worried about ' a lot of other stuff happened', while you are with your dad, and I wonder whether this is adding to your problems.

You would be wish to go and see your doctor, because it's such a stressful time now and in coming months, and it's too much for you carry alone, you need help. Geoff. x

[ambipurr17]

Thankyou very much for your reply! Yes, thats why I was confused to whether I have depression, because I know just being a teenager you can have problems with moods and things, I do want to reach out to someone, like my family or friends but its just very hard, I feel like they will think differently of me and I don't want to burden them with my problems but I will try to speak to someone very soon 🙂 Thankyou very much for accepting me into the community and showing me you care 🙂 definitely lifts a weight off my shoulders, thankyou 🙂 x

[ambipurr17]

I'm very confused to what you have said, I have a feeling that you have misinterpreted my post, I never bought alcohol for my mum, she was actually quite a good mother besides the occasional abuse, my mother also had a mental illness and was using alcohol to fix it, which I know doesn't excuse her behaviour towards me but I understand.

es this is exactly my thoughts, I always feel like my friends won't understand and I don't want to burden them with my problems, because they already probably have their own.

 The other stuff is just things to do with my mum, a lot happened with her over the time because she left rehab and her illness got very bad and she was in and out of mental hospitals and it was very scary at the time, she is okay now but she will never be the same person she was.And yes, i think that is a good idea, i might speak to my parents about it and see a doctor, thankyou for your reply it means a lot to me x

[Doolhof]

Dear Amber,

Hi. Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you, have been feeling a bit crook with flu or something. I am so pleased you have messaged back. I'd really like to know how you are getting on and how you are managing with your depression, school, family, friends and everything else you are juggling in life at present. Just reading that makes me feel exhausted! Like I mentioned in my earlier post, at your stage of life, you have a lot happening.

You mentioned you want to reach out to your family and friends, I know how tough it can feel to think about doing that! Can you try with your Dad? Ask him if he can just sit down somewhere so you can have a chat with him. Your Dad may be sensing there is something upsetting you and he might not know how to approach you either! If you don't feel like you can speak to him face to face, can you write him a note?

When I have stuff I want to share with my husband and don't feel like I can tell him face to face, I send him an email. We live in the same house and use the same computer! That works for us. Might seem a bit dysfunctional, but if it works it doesn't matter.

Like you mentioned, your friends may well be going through similar pressures, maybe if you share with a couple of your closest friends, by saying your are finding life a little tough right now, they might open up and share their own feelings. Maybe together you can help each other and find solutions. I do feel a school councillor might be a good start also.

As you can see, I am not good at short posts! I hope what I have written is helpful to you. I want to continue to encourage you to try to share with your family and friends, use some of the supports I have mentioned earlier, continue to write and share here whenever it is needed and know that people do care for you and want to help you.

I wish I had the answer to solve your problems, but I don't. For now I want to wish you all the best for this coming week, I am hoping your self -esteem and sense of self -worth have a boost this week and you feel strong enough to reach out to someone close to you there to tell them how you are feeling and that you need some help.

All the best to you, from Dools