Heartbreak, toxic friendships and feeling alone at 23.

[Sadgirl28]

Does anybody else get tired of hearing “ you’re so young! You should be living the best years of your life!” Or is it just me? I’ve just turned 23 and all I do is sleep and go to work. None of this was by choice, my brain sometimes becomes too unbearable that all I want to do is sleep and cry. I used to think it was just hormones but I’ve been like this since I was 15 & nothing has gotten better, only worse. I recently got rid of toxic friendships thinking that it would help but it’s only made me feel more alone. My ex best friend always used to talk about her boyfriend and never used to ask how I am. She’d talk about me behind my back and never really made me feel worthless. She’s the type where it’s okay for her to forget my birthday but if I ever did that to her I’d know about it. So I dumped her. I’ve tried socialising and making new friends but that just ends with disappointment. I’ve found it hard to make any decent friends the older you get. People always say “ you’re just looking in the wrong places” but these days I seem to be losing hope, thinking that maybe there’s no good people left. Girls my age always ditch me and choose their boyfriends over me and guys my age only want sex and don’t even try to be friends with you. I sometimes think maybe if I found a boyfriend I’d feel happier? Boys aren’t everything I know but I thought maybe if I try? Well I did and all I ended up with was heartbreak. I consider myself to be intelligent when analysing men’s behaviour, they’re all generally wanting one thing anyway however I ended up being fooled by a man who I thought loved me. He was my first love and I lost my virginity to him. We took it slow and you know people always say “make him wait & he’ll value you more”. So I did. 5 months later I decide to have sex for the first and only time, ever. Losing my virginity was a big thing for me, I obviously wanted it to be with someone special and I thought he was. Turns out he was leading me on for 5 months as a ruse to take my virginity and then move on to the next poor girl. I felt so stupid!!! So yeah, I’ve proven the whole “make him wait” tactic a little bullshit, everyone has a motive. So naturally I’ve decided boyfriends probably aren’t the answer to my loneliness. My next plan was to maybe adopt an animal? But I’ve concluded I’m too financially and mentally unstable to care for one properly. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess I just want someone to listen to me for a change.

[Swan_13]

Hi there,

It sounds like you feel really let down by some important people in your life… I’m sorry that you feel as though you’re losing hope and that they’ve made you question whether there’s any good people in this world. I’m glad that you decided to post on the forums because there are people out there that want to listen and want to help. I think a lot of people can relate to thinking (or being told) that they should be “living the best years of their life” at 23, but everyone’s lives are different, and we can’t always make that assumption or generalisation.

I went through a similar experience of distancing myself from friends that I felt no longer contributed in a positive way to my life, and it can definitely make you feel more isolated… I think it’s normal to grow apart from some people in your life as you get older. It might be that you have different goals and values or enjoy doing different things - and I think that’s okay. That’s not to say it doesn’t hurt – losing a best friend is definitely painful, regardless of whether the friendship was positive or not. Do you mind me asking what kinds of things you value in a friendship? What is your relationship like with people at work?

It sounded like you were really vulnerable with your ex-boyfriend and opened up to him and I’m sorry that he broke your trust. His actions are a reflection of his character, not yours. It sounds like you have a big heart with a lot to offer. It might not seem like it now, but I believe experiences like these helps us grow in the long run. It sounds like you’re really aware of what you DO want in a friendship and a relationship based on these experiences and I think that’s such a positive thing.

Sending lots of hope your way!

[Sadgirl28]

I didn't think id get a reply so soon but thankyou for responding. To answer your question, I'm not a picky person when it comes to people. Loyalty and being able to rely on them is probably what I value most in a friendship. For example, if i was to ever be stranded in the middle of nowhere and its 2am it'd be nice to know that I can pick up the phone and call them and have them come get me no questions asked. Sure if there was a decent reason as to why they're held up I'd understand but if they're lieing or making excuses as to why they can't offer a hand, that's where I draw the line. Its in my personality to go above and beyond for someone who I consider a good friend. It'd be nice to have that reciprocated once in a while. I chose this example because something similar like this happened to me with my ex bestfriend. I was in distress it was midnight and I needed to be picked up. She ignored my 3 missed calls and she messages me the next morning saying she was with her boyfriend and she couldnt answer because they were watching a movie. I know you value youre quality time with your boyfriend but that hurt me. If my friend were to call me at such a late hour, whatever i was doing I would drop because I would assume it was urgent. I know this is such first world problems and that I'm just feeling sorry for myself but I know that if i had just one decent friend I wouldnt be this sad.

Ps. Thanks for listening.