Hi
So I have always been an anxious person, often considering that I had anxiety but then would always dismiss it. My mind would be constantly racing stressing about nothing.
like a lot young males I experimented with drugs after high school and moving out of home. I smoked a lot of weed and that was enjoyable but then it just made me depressed and have not smoked in over a year now. I also used ecstasy occasionally.
Not long ago I had some ecstasy with a friend and had a great time. Then about two weeks after I was just sitting out the back of my house having a cigarette, when I noticed a pattern in the sky and I started to freak out as I have had some bad experiences with hallucinogens.
I tried to dismiss it as nothing but the more I freaked out about it, the worse the visions got. To the point of not being able to sleep because of the patterns in my head. This really scared me, I thought I was going insane. Now the hallucinations have stopped but ever since then I have not been the same. I used to be constantly thinking of something whilst at work. Whether it be a girl I liked, where I wanted to holliday next or what car I wanted to by next etc. Now I just feel empty. My racing thoughts have disappeared which is scaring me. Even as I am typing this it feels like I am doing a creative writing assignment for English. The only thing I can seem to think about without conscious effort is how terrified I am about what is going on. I actually miss my racing depressed thoughts.
Feeling depressed/anxious was better than feeling blank. Those are the feelings I used to associate with myself anyway.
Just wonder if anyone else has experienced what I have, as I feel that might help me.
Thanks
