Dear Ocean-man~
Yes your post was certainly clear enough and there was no need to write more. I'm pleased you came as sometimes one cannot see things clearly, one is too close.
You have been going though a period of very strong emotions - so powerful that you shake and twitch -and of course cannot sleep.
They all seem to be extremely negative and bring up things that make you feel bad, and by the sound of it things you blame yourself for so much you end up thinking you have no worth. I read before that you do have a tendency to question yourself and how you feel -the washing up being an example.
As if that is not bad enough you mind is racing to bring in more and more.
This reminds me very much of my own mental state when I was at the worst of a depression and anxiety condition. I too endlessly reviewed things and blamed myself - and had physical reactions as well. I did not realize they were not my thoughts but those conjured up by the depression itself. They seemed as if I had made them.
I"m not sure what steps you have taken in the past but would strongly suggest you get some medical assistance. Book a long consultation with a GP and explain what you feel and what is happening. If you find the prospect of a face to face explanation is too daunting then you can always do as I have and take a couple of days to write it out in point form and hand the paper over. (even showing your post above should be enough)
The reason I suggest this is I found I was not able to improve by myself and had downward swings of increasing severity until I got help. Things took a while to improve but now I'm a different person, with few sessions like I had before -finally peace.
Sometimes it takes a while to get an appointment, in the meantime I'd propose you contact The Kid's Help Line, who are open 24/7, have web-chat and phone, are easy to talk to, and are used to such problems in those under 25
If you felt like it I would like to know how you get on or what you think of these suggestions
Croix
