Feeling lonely and sad

[Lax]

Feeling sad because I feel like I dont have friends. I asked a few people to come to an event and got all no's. Made me feel so bad about myself. I dont know how to make new friends and feel like everybody already has their groups. I'm questioning what the problem is with me.

I left the country for a while and I guess everybody just formed new groups. I feel bad for my husband because we had so many of his friends and now he's alone too. When I felt down about being in a new country we always had his friends to go out with and feel better. I feel horrible that I cant do the same thing.I am questioning why I dont have friends. I find it hard to meet people or to make the time. It makes me feel like a loser not having any friends and dont want to admit it to anybody. I feel embarassed.

My mum was emotinally and physically abusive growing up and whenever I did something wrong she would say 'that's why nobody likes you'. Those words play back in my mind and make me feel even more isolated. I dont want to burden anybody with being friends with me if there is nothing good about me.

I have a friend that lives an hour away but our lives are busy at the moment so I dont get to see her much. I also made a friend but she is much older than me. I dont know why it just doesnt feel like enough. I guess I want a girlfriend that is the same age as me. Someone to meet up with and talk to. I've had these feelings for a while but recently alot has been going wrong which makes me think everything is against me. My birthday is coming up, which makes me feel anxious. Im avoiding celebrating it because it'll only make me realise that I dont have many friends. The closer it gets, the more isolated and embarrassed I feel.

[BballJ]

Hi Lax,

Welcome to the forums... I too have dealt with the idea of having no friends and feeling isolated and alone - I struggled to maintain a group of friends growing up, always I guess, never quite fit in, as much as I tried too, I just couldn't... I am 28 now and have a very very very small group of friends, who were a result of one person I made friends with after high school and I became friends with a few of his friends. I worked out a long time ago I don't need many friends but it took me over 20 years to find a group to call my friends. I got married 3 months ago and was doing tables and guests and looked at it and realized the one table of friends was purely from this one friend I made, rest was family and that hurt me because I thought to myself, if I didn't befriend this person who was my best man... would I of had anyone at my wedding besides family and my wife's friends, it was embarrassing so I totally understand where you are coming from. The Physical and Emotional abuse you suffered as kid isn't easy... have you ever worked through those issues with a psychologist? I am just starting to work through unresolved family issues and it has helped me.

You seem to put so much pressure on yourself with making friends and you're right it isn't easy - do you have any hobbies you like doing, that is always a good way to meet new people. It's definitely harder as you get older, no two ways about it, but if you can somehow conjure up a positive attitude, you'll find positive people radiate towards you... took me a long time to figure that out... I'm the happy go lucky person in my small group of friends... always trying to make people laugh... not a lot truly know how much I hurt inside but that's me I guess.

You'll find a lot of people struggle with making friends on this forum so you should find others who can relate to you, regardless I am always here to talk if needed as well, a lot of good people on here and you should go to the BB Café, great people talking about fun stuff just to give you a break.

My best for you

Jay

[Lax]

Hi BballJ,

Thank you for your message. Just reading your message has helped me alot. It is nice to know I'm not the only one that has similar feelings.

[Sharny]

Hi Lax,

Sorry to hear how down you feel. I agree with what Jay mentioned in her reply to you about hobbies. Depending on your interests, sports club or other hobbies are a wonderful way to meet new people and become involved in social activities regularly. The sense of involvement alone can help to ease some of the loneliness you are feeling.

Take care,

Sharny.