feeling left behind & lonely

[positivity]

Im a 24 year old female, I’m currently studying at university and work a part-time/casual job. I’m feeling super disappointed with my life and i find myself feeling so empty and distraught. I feel stuck/frozen where I’m watching people live an amazing life, whilst I’m at home reliving each day as if it was groundhog day.
At 18 years old, i applied for teaching degree, second year into the degree i knew it wasn’t for me. I wanted to change my degree into nutrition, a passion i had developed from the age of 19. my parents pressured me into staying into that degree. At 20 years old, i met my partner, i ended up moving into his house and taking on adult/real life responsibilities (paying a mortgage, household utilities, food etc). At the time i was working three jobs and studying teaching. My partner disapproved of one of them as it was night work and i barely saw him, so i handed in my resignation. Then two of my other jobs started giving me no shifts due to no work. I became jobless, in that time i was severely depressed and angry. I finally scored a job as a medical receptionists. I withdrew from teaching, began working at my present job on a part time bases. My work is very demanding, selfish and i believe has given me a lot of anxiety, stress and plays a part in my depression.I hated it and still do, but i still work there? the amount of times I’ve wanted to quit has been endless, but i need money to pay bills.
at 23 i finally decide to apply for my degree in dietetics, Im now 24 turning 25 and I’m only 1/3 of the way through my degree, i now watch people i used to hang with have their proper jobs, travel to exotic places and enjoying their lives, whilst I’m at home doing groundhog day and counting coins to pay bills. i feel very lonely, very upset and i feel i have pushed a lot of good people i had when i was 20-21 away. I feel my only friend is my partner, all i want to do is sleep. i have no energy and i feel so miserable about my life, i try very hard at uni and I’m basically getting average marks. Im so over it living this miserable life, feeling sad and stuck.

[Fairywings]

Hi there hunny so glad you have joined us. I am really sorry to hear that you are struggling atm. Life is never easy and always full of surprises one door shuts another opens everything in life happens for a reason. I can empathize with you on the uni side of things im now 37 married and have a wonderful little boy who has autism. He will b 4 next yr. I studied at uni took me 2 unfinished degrees to work out what was best for me and here I am a youth worker. I'm also a qualified childcare worker but given aspects of youth work i would deal with childcare was never challenging enough for me. My point to you u need to do what's right for you and nobody else. The ones who aim to side track you just place them in the back of your mind and follow what ur heart is telling you to do. That it was i did to enable me to get where I am today. Let me just halt you for a sec to be paying a mortgage living expenses and going to school ur are an amazing girl i wouldn't even be able to keep up with that. If u enjoy what ur doing at uni stick it out sweety all the in the meantime stuff while ur at uni can seem so monotonous at times but u have some big goals there ahead of you. Once u finish ur course i am going to wish you all the very best in a hope that you will land yourself a stable career so you can start enjoying your life a bit more the way u deserve 2 after all the hard work ur doing now. Please don't give on urself i know its hard right now but its only temporary once you push past this path u won't know yourself. Average marks that is ok as long you know ur giving it ur best shot that's all that matters that's wi th anything you do in life believe me xx in terms of ur work r u in a position that you can search for something else if its making you so unhappy? Been in those shoes b4 and I know it doesn't help yet on the other hand i can empathize with you in just staying there coz u need the money. If you can maybe allow urself to explore another option maybe go back to something you enjoyed doing and remember whatever u do in life needs to be about what makes u happy in life if u have people that love you around they should and will hopefully i should think support ur life decisions no matter what xx take some time out to get some fresh air clear ur head start Journaling this will help you get some clarification on those life decisions of yours which will allow u to become unstuck 😊 its amazing what a bit for fresh air a sit by the beach can do to for u.

[positivity]

Hi fairywings,

thankyou for the reply to my post and for the very lovely words. In regards to finding a new job, when finding a new job I'm actually end up searching for the career I am currently studying as that's the job I really want. BUT in saying this as I search and find careers that I would love to apply for I actually can't due to not having the qualification. This makes me severely upset and depressed with my life.

i also stress over my grades due to university demands on high marks to be accepted into masters to be qualified. I do put a lot of effort into my studies, but I have noticed I'm very lethargic and tired, my results will come back average and it is very disappointing.

people at university are a lot younger than me and living at home with their parents, so I don't relate to them well or don't go out much as I feel very insecure and very fatigued to do much and socialise. I feel like I am possible sabotaging myself.

i also stress over and have severe anxiety with the amount of years I have left of this degree, I honestly want this career but I feel extremely stuck due to this and this makes me worried I will constantly feel upset, worried, anxious waiting around for my life to start. I end up winding myself so much and I end up an emotional wreck! I end up stressing about how old I am going to be when I start my career and how far behind I am in comparison to others, constantly comparing my life to others.

I don't want too compare but I can't help it, it like my brain secretly wants me to feel trapped and unhappy.

[Fairywings]

Yes i hear u loud and clear sweety i was like that too with my youth work degree and finding a job in my field not just any random job. I didn't finish my degree until my mid to late 20 s much like yourself please don't let your age dishearten u u r still a spring chicken so to speak lol 😊 in want u to remember something its never too late to start or finish something if its truly what you want to do in life. Much to much yes i know very well of the whole notion u need ur qualifications b4 u can apply for this job i hear u hunny this is what i went thru too yes it can be disappointing but once u r qualified then that part of things become a little easier then ur faced with u haven't got enough experience behind u well how do we post grad students get the experience behind us if no one is willing to give you a chance. I get it totally i went thru the exact same thing. Don't see this as a form of self sabotage see it as ur a mature age student lol xx which by all means you are and there is definitely nothing wrong with that. Be proud of what u have achieved so far i know im proud of you 😊 its important you take regular breaks r their people around u can spend time with i know u said u have lost most of them anyway u can recconect with you be around people who understand your situation it always helps. Uni is never easy but if its what you see urself doing for ur lifetime then stick at it each yr is one less yr that's what u need to tell urself that's how i got through. How many yrs do u have left if uv don't mind me asking? Amd plea see don't compare urself to others its ok ur r working towards ur goal in life amd that's all u need to keep telling urself

[positivity]

Thank you for you kind words, I have about 3.5 years left, feels like a life time away though. Counting down the days!

yes most students do get upset due to lack of experience in the field that they want to get a job in, then when graduates apply for jobs the job requires them to have several years of experience. Uni provides you with the background, knowledge for the career you want, but the actual learning happens on the job. This is something students don't always receive. I guess that's the big bad world for us!

Thankyou so much for positivity and kind words

[Fairywings]

Yes that is the big bad world for us glad i have found u some comfort tonite being alone at night is never nice always here if u need to talk more than happy to venessa its ok u will get there just remember anything u want in life is never in easy reach big hugs to you hunny do stay in touch xx ☺