Don't want to talk about it

[User1]

Hey guys , for a long time now I know I have been unhappy , I always use to shrug it off and just keep on moving. I don't understand why I am not happy , I have an amazing family , I am 19 work full time , have ambitions , have the car of my dreams .... All in which I worked for. Yet I just feel so alone , beyond alone. I believe deep down it is the fact that I never really have had a relationship with anyone. I feel like my time of prime years to be getting out and about are running out and I just want to be happy. I feel like an idiot for getting down about it when I have so many good things in my life . I have amazing friends but sometimes they seem like they don't make an effort especially one friend who means the world to me. It breaks my heart every time I see people together being happy , and again I feel like an idiot because that's a good thing , good on them for being happy . I am a nice guy , not bad looking and I just have no confidence in myself anymore. I just wish I knew what people thought , because you look around and people who treat people horribly get what they want and I am just not that type of person. I'm not trying to talk about how good I am , I'm just saying I respect people and get very little back and I can't stand it anymore . I have started pushing my friends away because I just don't want to talk. I just need help , I'm not doing to well and I don't feel comfortable talking to people about it in person. I just want to be happy 

[morgs29]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum and what a huge step for you to reach out to us. You sound like someone with a lot of awareness and gratitude for your life. I don't think you sound like (or are) an idiot, for having these thoughts at all. They are completely okay and I know for a fact lots of other people have the same thoughts about aloneness that you do.

I think a really good place to start would be to use the online chat function here on the beyondblue website. You have said you don't feel comfortable talking to people about it in person and that's completely okay, the fact that you are reaching out is the most important thing. If you feel like you want to talk to someone over the phone, there's also the phone number you can call to chat to someone about how you're feeling and what might be the next steps.

It sounds like you deeply respect others in your life and feel like you give a lot. It can really hurt when the people we love and give everything to don't give back in the ways we need. It's completely understandable that you want people to treat you as well as you treat them.

Maybe start visualising what kind of friendships you want to have. Who do you want to be in these relationships and what kind of people do you want around you? What are your next steps for your ambitions and dreams? What helps you when the feelings of loneliness strike? For me, it's music and talking to people who I trust (also cuddling my cats!) There are so many ways to work through our feelings and they are all unique to us individually.

It's really brave that you have stepped forward and told us about how you feel. Remember, your feelings are just as valid as anyone else's.

Take care,

Morgan

[geoff]

dear User, hello and great to be able to talk to you.

There is one thing that sticks out to me and maybe I'm right or maybe wrong, but is it that you see all your friends being happy because they are in a relationship being happy, and you're only single and can't work out why you're not in any relationship.

 This feeling of being envious is only natural, but it still doesn't stop you from being resentful, because you have the car you wanted, and probably better than what your mates drive around in, a full time job and again better than what any of mates have, a nice guy and good looking so you just can't understand why you're still single.

Now there's a big problem that could be surfacing, and can I stress that it's no fault of yours but has happened by circumstances, and this is that as you are now pushing your friends away, and I do understand this, because they are not interested in involving you and in particular don't even care about you and what is happening.

Can I stress that these people aren't any friend of yours, because if they were caring about you and want to help you then they are friends, but unfortunately this is the case in many situations where they just fade away, so what you have to try and do now is go in another direction and join another club.

If you don't want to do this, then the black dog is knocking on your door, with the possibility of becoming depressed, so I implore you to go and see your doctor, and the longer you procrastinate, the deeper this illness will become.

You have too much going on for you, and I know how disappointed you must feel, so I hope that you can get back to us. Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi User,

Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue. You sound like a really nice guy who is sensitive to what is going on around you and are very aware of other people and their relationships with each other.

Do you have siblings you can talk with openly about how you are feeling? Or maybe an older male cousin who could share a bit of his life's experiences with you?

You mentioned you are 19 and feeling like you are at the end of your prime years. I am 51 and feel like my life is getting better year after year! I have found that priorities change all through your life. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. At 19 I thought if I didn't achieve all I thought I needed to then life was just not worth living. In my rush to make the most of my life I made some bad choices.

At 19 it does feel like life is slipping away from you, when you see other people together in relationships you wish you were in their shoes. Some of these relationships will last, others will break up and move on.

Try not to isolate yourself from your friends, then you will feel even more lonely. Do you enjoy the movies, going for a run, or what ever, invite someone to join you in these activities. If you catch up with friends one on one you might end up asking them how they see their lives and be surprised to find other people have similar battles as you do.

Morgan and Geoff have both recommended and suggested that you chat to someone about how you are feeling. Beyond Blue have some wonderful people behind the scenes. I have used the phone line and the web chat before. Geoff also mentioned chatting with your Dr. The greater your understanding of why you are feeling as you do, the quicker you will be able to change your thinking and move on with your life.

I do hope some of this has been helpful to you.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[User1]

Hey guys ! Thanks for the replies I feel heaps better just getting a response from you guys. I feel that maybe I'm being a bit harsh on my friends as if they are meant to know there is something wrong when in actual fact I haven't said anything. I'll explain what has got me down over the last few days , I went into town on Thursday with some mates cause I had a day off Friday and my mate asked if he could come back to mine I was like sure , so me and my other mate waited for them and then my mate who was coming home just left and I was annoyed cause I purposely stayed some could come back , then I was meant to be catching up with someone I regard as the most wonderful person , she's just like I just envy her attitude towards things and it just feels like sometimes she doesn't actually want to be a part of my life like , I always try to catch up with her but it's never the other way , it makes me feel like I'm begging for a friendship when I just want to be someone she can talk to , I just feel like I'm always getting in the way of what people actually want to do when all I'm trying to do is be what I want them to be to me if that makes any sense. I have great friends but sometimes it's just the final blow when I get let down. But I understand no ones perfect so why do I still blame them? Thanks for your help . 

[Pontius]

I really know how you feel -- I look at my life and go 'what am I so upset about? How dare I feel unhappy when I have so much?' But I guess, just like money does not make you happy, even great friends and family don't always mean that you are 100% happy all the time.

When you feel unhappy and you've got it so good in the other areas of your life, you just have to remember that depression changes how we view the world and makes us tend to find the negatives or feel sad when there isn't really anything to be sad about. Being unhappy does not mean you  are an idiot, nor does it mean that you are not grateful for what you have. You sound like an amazingly grateful person, so I don't think there are any issues in that department!

I hope you feel better soon.

Pontius​