Deep breaths

[refugelagoon]

Hi all,

firstly, may I just marvel at the beauty of this online forum. I have always wanted to create an online forum for people suffering from similar problems to myself, but to see that an amazing network has already been set up has completely blew me away. never had I imagined such a supportive community was so reachable.

i am 19 years old and I have suffered with mental health for about 5 years, but it has only begun to impact my life hugely since 2015. when I graduated from school, I began to feel socially anxious in situations that would normally not evoke such feelings. such situations include seeing my extended family, my close friends, my boyfriend's at the time) family, people at work, people at the gym...almost anyone besides my boyfriend, my mum, dad and sister. even with my closest friends, I felt uncomfortable. I stopped making phone calls to everyone besides my boyfriend about midway through the year, and left my job as a checkout chick two months later. I spent all week at home, occasionally going to uni, but with headphones in my ears so nobody would talk to me. when I become anxious, I stutter and this has caused unbelievable damage to me. my only refuge was alcohol, and for months I drank to avoid situations I couldn't handle. a cycle of anxiety, drunkedness and depression was my life for a year. I lost the love of my life, and started a new job working only 4 hours a week. I had completely lost my independence by the start of 2016, and I was as miserable as ever. In March however, I was lucky enough to meet the most amazing man in my life and his family, who introduced me to the idea of medication. I always thought I was too 'strong' to take medication and did not want to rely on anyone but myself, but I realised I needed it to reach my potential. I wanted to feel alive again. I trialled medication in May, but finally found a match in July. By August, I begun working 15 hours and exercising more frequently, whilst maintaining full time study. does not sound like much but this is a significant improvement which makes me so proud.. I now realise that recovery is not linear - no one recovers and NEVER relapses. Relapses are what make us who we are, for if we never relapsed, we would never grow.

if you have read this far, I thank you from the bottom of my beaming heart. xxxx

[refugelagoon]

Hi Paul,

Thank you for your kind words! it is nice to know I am not alone, and even nicer to know that you have found medication that makes your life better. i definitely agree with your description of how medication aids your life and provides you with coping mechanisms. my mum keeps on asking when I'm going to be ready to come off the medication. I tell her I wouldn't mind taking it every day for the rest of my life. it makes me feel hopeful, and I wouldn't give up hope for anything in the world.

i hope you continue to grow more every single day.

best wishes xx