Confused about everything

[viviwr]

Hello.  I think the basic factor is just that I just don't really know what's happening with my head? I'm 14 and I'm just really frustrated and confused about how I feel. I don't really know how to describe it but I'll give it a go.  

I always find it really hard to concentrate, especially in class, and I always end up drawing all over my hands and arms or on my paper or I'll end up staring into the distance. Most of the time I feel anxious, and I'm always thinking about problems and negative stuff that is going on in my life and problems are always on or somewhere on my mind.

I always feel really unmotivated, but just enough that I worry about getting things done. I'm stuck in between caring and not caring and it's so frustrating because I don't care and care a lot at the same time. My procrastination habits are awful. It always ends up with me staying up until 3am finishing things, because what's the point? I'm always making excuses to myself about why I'm not doing work. Life in general in just really flat, and my mood is low most of the time. I can act happy and look like the funny and quirky person with friends or whatever but really I just feel anxious and low. I over-analyse everything and overthink and always think about worst case scenarios. I'm always restless and irritable, and little things annoy me. I end up getting annoyed at stuff my friends and family do and snapping, but then instantly regretting it and I feel awful. I've searched up stuff and talked to people but nothing seems to describe anything. It isn't so bad I can't go on with life, I mean I can certainly enjoy things it's just I have a persistent low mood and anxiousness, and I feel so fake when I'm with my friends and acting happy or funny. I don't enjoy things I used to enjoy, (I used to love writing but I don't do it much anymore), and I feel so alone and annoying and like no one really understands. I usually prefer to be by myself, and I feel like I have no energy to do stuff. I have also had panic attacks. 

The bottom line is that I feel like life is just flat and I have a low mood a lot of time and I feel anxious. Nothing that I look at seems to pinpoint how I feel, but I feel like something is there I just don't know what it is and it's really frustrating and taking up heaps of my mental and emotional energy. There are also short periods when I feel really down, (around 2 days?) but then its back to just normal stuff. I can do life and enjoy things, but I'm not great. 

[SeanM92]

Hey there friend, 
Welcome to the forum and well done for getting the courage to post.

In all honesty, try not to worry to much about it, this is a common thing for people in your age bracket.

If your really concerned i would recommend seeing a GP or a counselor, if your school has one that would be a good idea too. That's not saying anything is wrong, sometimes it just helps to have someone that can help especially if it can help ease up stress on schooling. 

You could even ask your friends if they feel anything similar because chances are they will and its good to talk with others about these things. People start to think that they are alone in these feelings and it only makes it worse.

I hope i've helped in some way, your always welcome here though

Take care friend and good luck

[Jacko777]

Hi viviwr, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. I love your profile pic, how beautiful!

Can I start by saying that you are very mature for your age, you write very well, you have great awareness of your self and I think this investigation into your feelings will result in something great. Our bodies and minds go through a lot of changes at your age and sometimes I think you may feel restless for no reason other than these physical changes. 

I think you could benefit from mindfulness and meditation. Have a look on the web and see what you think. Meditation has helped me greatly to teach my mind to focus, on the positive and off the negative. I'm not sure if some people are born with a better ability to focus than others, I know I wasn't born with it and I wasn't taught it by my parents or at school, but anyone can improve their ability to focus and be mindful. The more you can stay focused on the positive and off the negative the better you will feel I reckon. Even negative situations can be looked upon in a positive light, therefore changing a 'problem' to a 'challenge'. 

Have you talked to a counsellor at all? You probably have one at school? Anxiety and panic attacks should not be ignored and you could seek some professional advice on these matters. You can ring the BB phone service if that helps. It will help you to separate the issues you are dealing with I think, make plans in each area to find some solutions, write it all down. Make times of the day when you address your issues. That's what I do, if I am having problems that are causing thoughts through the day, like a meditation I put these thoughts in a pigeon hole in my mind, I acknowledge that I have had a worthy thought but I refuse to dwell on it, I put it in the pigeon hole and tell my self that I will address it later, which I do, in the time that I choose, 'i am the boss of my own mind', I tell myself. Practice, practice, practice and the thoughts have subsided for me, my mind is quieter and I an calmer. 

Take time to relax each day and to not think of any of the problems you have mentioned, you deserve a break. I'm sure there will be many fine young folk on Beyond Blue that will have ideas and support, so talk any time.

Jack

[viviwr]

Thank you for your response and suggesting things, I will see how it goes 🙂

Yes, I am currently seeing a counsellor at school, actually for quite a while. However I feel like she isn't helping me a whole lot, despite the fact I have been seeing her every week for about 7 months. 

I started seeing her last year, but I stopped. Then I started going again every week because one of my close friends attempted to take her life earlier this year, and the circle of friends I am with has a lot of issues surrounding severe depression and anxiety. That is why I am determined to do anything I can, because I have noticed my mood get significantly lower over the course of the last year and a half and I know it has been influenced by events that have happened to me and the general mood that I am influenced by every day.

Things weren't working out, and I was just getting more confused and upset with how I was feeling. Thank you for answering 🙂

[Narniakid]

Hey there viviwr, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

Reading your posted, I almost had a sigh to myself, because that is EXACTLY how I felt at your age. My mum started noticing my grades drop and my mood with it, and so she took me to the local GP and I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. 5 years later I've made just about a full recovery.

The feelings you're describing are symptoms of depression, but it's best to avoid self diagnosing and get a professional opinion from your GP, who will be able to give you a range of treatment options including medication and a referral to a psychologist. 

There is so much help and support avaliable, so speak up to your parents, your school, your friends - they'll be supportive. You won't feel like this forever. Remember that negative thoughts are just reactions to fear and anxiety thrives on avoidance. Seek the right help and you'll be on your way to recovery in no time 🙂

Crystal