I started having panic attacks a week ago, I wasn't sure what was happening as I have never dealt with anxiety like that before. I thought I was going insane, like I was in a bad trip. This happened 3 weeks after moving in with my partner into our own place. We have been together over four years now, living before in a caravan on the property he co-owns with family. Since the night of the initial panic attack I've been in a terrified and very dark state. I've actually returned home for the time being with my own family. I'm scared everyday. I get horrible intrusive thoughts one of which is about my partner.
My question now is why am I feeling anxiety when I think about him? When I am of clear mind I have no doubt I love him and want a good future together. Hell we've been through a lot over the years and I could not picture life without him. So why do I get the thoughts in my mind that I'm living a lie? That I don't love him anymore? These thoughts send me into a panic. I don't know what they mean, I feel guilty having them. He doesn't deserve to be thought about like that. He has done nothing wrong. I get myself into a state when these thoughts pop into my head and I have told him about the thoughts. He knows we'll be okay but I'm sure it's hurtful to hear that I'm doubting.
How do you control these thoughts? Intrusive thoughts in general? We are both under financial stress paying off a home loan and rent on low incomes so I understand why I'm stressed but why do I keep feeling anxious when I think about him?
I'm new to all this. I'm frightened. The doctor has prescribed an antidepressant (which I have another question about, I'll start a new post) and am starting sessions with a psychologist next week. I'm hoping this will get better.
