Anxiety suddenly worse than ever

[just_let_go]

Me again!

Starting around Sunday, my symptoms have worsened.. Right now it feels like someone is pressing down on my temples and I feel extremely uneasy. Last week for about 2 - 3 days I felt like my old self again, and I thought It may have been over! It's like this week my anxiety has just said, "Don't kid yourself, I'm still here, and watch this, I can make you feel worse than ever!"

I am having huge troubles sleeping. I have this uneasy anxious feeling that goes on all night. Then I wake up ever more anxious than before which perfectly describes today. It's at the point where I dread going to bed. Whenever I start to feel like I'm starting to get on top of this I just get thrown back another 2 steps. And when I'm not anxious I'm depressed.

Yesterday I got a referral to a psychiatrist to talk about medication. I've tried beating this without it but it's clearly not working. The more I read about medication the more I'm unsure about it. People talk about things like becoming chemically dependent, or missing one pill makes your depression and anxiety twice as bad. I can't even imaging how bad that is. 

I suppose I'm just tired of trying so hard to overcome all this and just getting defeated every time. The fact that I'm feeling worse than ever right now just proves I've gone no where. I'm really hoping medication helps. If I don't get a good night sleep soon I might lose my mind! 

[just_let_go]

Feeling pretty horrible right now. Just really down and nervous about sleeping tonight. Sundays are always the worst and I can already feel it building up in my chest. My psychiatrist appointment isn't for a month so I have to wait quite a while for treatment which is bothering me. 

I hope your mediation went well. I can relate to working with people who pick apart everything you do. Makes for a very stressful environment. That's great that you run marathons!, I bet that works wonders for your mental health too. 23 marathons. That is amazing. Hope it went well! 

[NicoleP]

Am thinking of you and your trip to QLD. I agree that Sundays are the worst with the dreaded anticipation of what work will bring.

Mediation went really well. The mediator has pointed out to my boss that he is excluding me by not passing on information (which is a form of bullying). The boss pulled me aside today and passed on all the information that he 'hadn't had time' to give me previously.

Marathon went well (in the rain) and am feeling very tired now.

4 weeks does seem like a long time to wait for an appointment but at least you have one. I would still suggest that you get some sleeping tablets from your GP. I am not using any at the moment but when I was on them I only used them when needed (often on a Sunday evening). Not sleeping gave me too much thinking time and I would replay all the dreadful things that I thought was going to happen in my head.

Gotta go. the bell has gone

[just_let_go]

Just so people are aware, I've changed my name from manipulator. It was just the name of the song I was listening to when I made my account, but It was not a very nice name. 

I slept surprisingly ok last night. I was feeling very up tight, but I watched a video Agrace recommended called 8 minutes to calm which helped a bit, and then I read in a quiet room for an hour before bed which seemed to help too. Spending as little time in my bedroom as possible seems to be helping a bit too. 

I'm sorry your boss is being that way. It sounds very unfair and unprofessional of him. But it sounds like you have done the right thing and got it sorted out. Also I'm happy your (wet) marathon went well! Did you cope without much training?

I am seeing my GP on Wednesday to see if i can start on some treatment a bit earlier. And yes not sleeping has that exact effect on me. It's horrible and starts a chain reaction of bad days. 

[NicoleP]

Good to hear from you and I like the name change.

It sounds as though you have done well managing yourself in a stressful situation - well done. You have some good strategies around sleep. When I can't sleep, I have what is known in our house as the night wanders and usually end up watching TV on the couch until I fall asleep. The kids are no longer surprised to see mum on the couch in the morning and know that I have had a case of the 'night wanders' rather than the fact that my husband and I have had a fight.

I will have to have a look at that video too.

My boss was so super nice to me today. He voluntarily passed on all the information he had been with-holding this morning at work. He has even started talking to me - seems like the mediator's talk to him has made him realise a few things.

How is QLD going? Nice and warm??

[just_let_go]

Thank you I am trying. This week has been the worst I have ever had by far, for no obvious reason. I would rate my anxiety at about a 8-9 and my depression about the same. I really hope it eases off soon. It has brought me down into this really negative slump where I am just seeing the worst in everything. At least I am sleeping I suppose. I think I'm stressing myself out so hard all day that I'm just exhausted by bed time. I am really hoping medication helps. If it doesn't what will I do?

That's good that your kids just see it as "night wanders." But I am sorry you and your husband are fighting and I hope it wasn't too serious. Is it all ok now? It is a good video. While I was watching it I was just thinking, "this is stupid." But after I was noticeably more relaxed. That's fantastic that your boss has turned his ways around. Looks like you have a new found respect from him and he's realised he was being unfair. Work should be a lot less stressful for you now 🙂

I leave for QLD next Monday, sorry for the confusion. Seeing my GP Wednesday to see if I can get some calm down pills or sleeping pills for the trip. I would be much more at ease knowing I had those for the bad moments. 

Take care, thinking of you. 

[NicoleP]

Sorry to hear that you are not in a good place at the moment. I did get confused about the QLD trip but that is going to happen when writing. I also was not clear and have confused you - my husband and I are not fighting. My kids know that the reason that I am on the couch is because I can't sleep, not because my husband and I have had a fight. I also have to apologise, because I haven't checked this thread for a few days.

I get the feeling that this QLD trip is probably the cause of how you are feeling this week. I have certainly found medication to be helpful but it has taken time to get the dosage right for me. I really work hard at maintaining my mental health and do many things. I watch what I eat - I try and maintain a healthy diet and limit myself to one coffee a day (usually in the morning). I exercise regularly and run 10km most mornings. I visit my psychologist when I need to. I do a lot of reading related to my psychological well being and try and put things into practise (am currently reading The Happiness Trap). I have recently taken up yoga. I have just started using this forum and I contact Beyond Blue via the phone when I need to. I am also lucky that I have a very caring and supportive husband. I also take time out for myself - I am a bit of a loner and need 'me' time. I often sit by myself in a coffee shop before work and do the puzzles in the newspaper.

I think that you need to work on getting through the next couple of days. Call the helpline and get some ideas from the trained counsellors. Medication is something in the near future but is not going to help you right now. Keep posting and take care of yourself. xx

[NicoleP]

Hope all is OK. Thinking of you. xxx

[just_let_go]

Hi Kezza, 

Sorry I haven't replied, I can't seem to get email notifications working so I don't know when someone replies. Thank you for thinking of me. That really is nice to know. 🙂

That's great that you're looking after yourself so well. I bet that helps a lot. I could definitely put some of those things into play. Especially exercise, diet and more reading. I am in very good shape but I don't cook much as I recently moved out of home and you can imagine what that's like for a 24 year old guy with absolutely zero cooking skills! And I got to the gym most days but I think running would help a lot more than lifting weights.   

As for the QLD trip, I had an early flight on Monday and had to get up at 4am. Spent the night worrying about getting to sleep and barely slept of course, so Monday was tough. Slept better last night and I'm feeling a bit better today. Had a few bad moments but I'm enduring it. The place I'm staying at is quite nice and the weather is beautiful. There's an outdoor basketball court at the resort so I bought a basketball and plan to have a good run around after work. Work is very quiet which is allowing my mind to over think a lot which is annoying but hopefully it picks up over the next couple of days. 

How have you been doing? Is your boss still treating you with the respect you deserve?

[BigBunny]

sorry to hear you are suffering. I've had the same psychiatrist since 1996 and he put me on an anti-depressant to stop my panic attacks and it worked but it didn't get rid of the anxiety. the medication a doctor gives you should help but it won't get rid of your anxiety, I should know because I'm still anxious. my anxiety gets worse if I have to go out, so it's a bit different to yours. don't be afraid to start medication but I hope you find a good psychiatrist who finds the right meds for you >=:) 

BB

[NicoleP]

Hello hi_im_ty

I was very pleased to hear form you and that things are going well. You should be very proud of yourself by getting yourself to QLD - the easy option would have been to back out but you didn't.

It is great that you go to the gym and if that is what you like doing, then that is perfect for you. As I have said in another discussion, I am a gym member. I go to classes and enjoy being around people and chatting to them, but on my terms (easy, superficial relationships).  It is a matter of working out what works best for you. If you want to start running, then give that a go, but try not to beat yourself up about not doing it.

It sounds like you have had a lot of changes in your life - moving out of home, job. QLD trip. The age of 24 can be a difficult one - I found it to be quite a stressful time in my life. I was wanting to settle down, buy a house, get my career started, which can all be very daunting.

I do all the things I mentioned because I enjoy them and they help maintain my health. They are not a cure, but help me keep my anxiety in check. At times though, nothing helps and I just have to get through the difficult times. Sleep is always the first to go but I have learnt that I can survive on very little sleep. I also tell myself that if I don't sleep well one night, that I know I will sleep relatively well the next night.

I am continuing to do well, My boss is being nice to me but unfortunately has decided not to re-employ a work colleague who is my support network.

You are doing really well and it sounds like you are putting things in place to help you get through the week. If you can come up with a way to stop the mind over thinking, then I would love to know what it is - replaying things over and over is my biggest problem.

Keep in touch.

K