Anxiety about Relationship

[Georgia797]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost nine months now. The first seven months were completely blissful, we fell very deeply in love and we still are deeply in love. However, just before the new year I had a panic attack while talking to him. Since then, I’ve been filled with fear about the future of our relationship.

he was the first guy I’ve ever been with, and was my first for everything from holding hands to kissing to sex. He is completely wonderful and amazing, and although our opinions differ somewhat, it’s nothing major and doesn’t put a strain on our relationship at all. These thoughts started as ‘do I really love him’.

that lasted for about three weeks. I realised I did love him, so very very very much. He is an incredible man and he is incredible to me. He does have flaws, but so do I and we communicate through the minor frustrations very easily.

Now my thoughts have turned to ‘it’s either we stay together forever or we break up’. I see a future with him very clearly, but I’m still scared. Mostly of myself. I know how strong his love and commitment and loyalty is. I think it’s me I’m concerned about; do I love him enough, will I ever fall out of love, am I falling out of love by worrying about this all the time? Is this worrying a sign it’s not meant to be? Will I waste my time? Am I wasting his time?

when we are together everything is fine and normal and wonderful and loving 99% of the time. The other 1% is when I’m reminded briefly of my thoughts and feel incredibly guilty about ever having them. It makes me feel like I don’t deserve him, he deserves much more than me and it must not be meant to be if I had them at all

at the same time I am very aware love is both a feeling and a choice. I choose to love him, and I will choose him over and over and over despite the anxiety telling me to break up with him to rid him of me or rid me of this turmoil.

My gut feeling is that despite anything we will end up back with each other. My intuition tells me this is something to hold on to and never let go of. When I’m not constantly overthinking or ruminating I feel very content and at peace with him and I love him very intensely. I just want what’s best for him, I want to make him the happiest guy in the world because he makes me so incredibly happy and feel so loved and cherished.

these constant thoughts of ‘what if he isn’t the one’ constantly plague me and make me feel guilty. I want to choose love over fear, I believe he’s my happy ending

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Well, life is a gamble. so is relationships. We can stay together forever with the right person but we don't hold a crystal ball.

As it is you that has this insecurity issue I suggest you begin to ask him heaps of questions based on his values, what he wants in life, what he expects from you (like work ethic and how important being a parent could be down the track). All these questions are needed so you can make sure you are on the right path together. No point continuing if you one day want kids and he from the outset didn't want them at all if you get my meaning.

These questions will reduce the likelihood of separation later. Essentially you want to be soulmates and that is rare but achievable if we make ourselves secure by joining as one for the future.

I think you have selected a nice guy that is suitable and these doubts are quite normal.

When you have these chats be locate din a nice setting- a side of a river, a hilltop, a quiet place. No distractions.

Find your "inner" man....then things will fall into place.

TonyWK

[Summer Rose]

Hi Georgia

I want to join Tony in welcoming you to bb. You seem like an incredibly caring, smart and intuitive person.

I am so glad that you have found someone to love and that he loves you too. This is precious.

I am not a doctor but I have been around anxiety a long time, and it sounds to me that anxiety has found a sensitive spot for you and is running rampant.

Remember that anxious thoughts are often irrational and not something you can control. You are not your thoughts and anxious thoughts can be cruel to the person experiencing them. Think of them as you would a school yard bully picking on you, completely out of your control and intent on mucking you around.

Based on the evidence that you have shared, you have found an amazing true love. Do not feel guilty for your thoughts, recognise them for what they are--an illness--and please get some professional help to manage them. When you can stand up to the "bully" you will feel better. I promise, it gets better.

I would start with your GP. There are various treaments to deal with anxious thoughts. Some you can try now, deep breathing until they pass, mindfulness or distraction.

I am hoping that once the anxiety is under control you will be better placed to enjoy your relationship and evaluate it, if necessary.

I am happy to talk any time. Kind thoughts to you